Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 214 Days and 77130 Haiku later...

I have exactly
one hour to kill before
"meeting" my client.

How many gross haiku
can I compose in that time?
Or I'll exercise?

Or I can do both!
I wonder how that works out.
No pun intended.
Haiku # 57132, August 8, 2017 9:07 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Those Krampusnacht vids
on youtube fascinate me.
I think I'm in love.

Or something like it.
Love, not lust, so get your minds
out of the gutter.

To be a demon,
for just one night of the year.
What could be better?

And you can be mean
to little brats and children.
I am so jealous.
Haiku # 57131, August 8, 2017 9:00 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker, The Highly Inappropriate
I've done many things.
But getting AIDS from poodles,
that is a new one.

The dead manatee,
she was frisky this morning.
Or that was maggots.
Haiku # 57130, August 8, 2017 8:52 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker, Esq.
patient: doc, I want you to cure me

doctor figpucker: I am prescribing you AIDS

the end
Haiku # 57129, August 8, 2017 7:57 pm ET
by Anonymous Poodle
i try to ignore
some of the stuff posted on
here and try to post

stuff that doesn't push
scat or splat or whatever
but i can, do push
Haiku # 57128, August 8, 2017 12:25 pm ET
by vhs
some of the stuff on
here turns my stomach so i
can understand why

folks might move along
Haiku # 57127, August 8, 2017 11:43 am ET
by vhs
i have relatives
going over family
pictures and here this

is internet One
as it once was, not as it
is now, a bit not

Haiku # 57126, August 8, 2017 11:23 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
can anybody direct me on how to remove my haiku from this website?
I did contact Janis but no reply!
i will appreciate your kind direction
Haiku # 57125, August 8, 2017 9:17 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Too much coffee is killing me, but if not for coffee I'd kill myself.
Haiku # 57124, August 7, 2017 11:31 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I wonder what my wife would do if I got her some of that vag-tightening-jel.

Not that it would matter. I imaging screwing a tight pussy manatee would be about the same thing.

Santa with puke in beard... I think I am jealous.
But I think I'd rather be a drunken Krampus.
Haiku # 57123, August 7, 2017 10:57 pm ET
by df
Haiku # 57122, August 7, 2017 12:53 pm ET
by dvd
Haiku # 57121, August 7, 2017 12:52 pm ET
by dvd
provides details about V Tight Gel which helps in getting tighter vaginal walls and improves ..Visit:
Haiku # 57120, August 7, 2017 8:24 am ET
by v tight gel of usa
People in winter
Racing mind leaves home once more
Music plays around
Haiku # 57119, August 6, 2017 10:26 pm ET
by dvd
between all the jokes
and abuse of the last few
posts if i tried to

say something about
Philip K Dick I fear just
Beavis And Butthead

You said dick,...
Haiku # 57118, August 6, 2017 7:49 pm ET
by vhs
Haiku # 57117, August 6, 2017 7:38 pm ET
by vhs
confiscated spring
fallen apart it and I
heart-teasing trial
Haiku # 57116, August 6, 2017 10:37 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
imagine df
as mall santa but thing is
its fucking august
children run away
from vomit stained beard santa
had too much nutmeg
with his satchel full
cheap amanita mushrooms
and cans of nitrous
its quite possible
the man had sex with poodle
not jealous at all
Haiku # 57115, August 6, 2017 9:31 am ET
by Anonymous Poodle
Never have children.
If you don't regret it now,
you will one day soon.

Considering the state of the world, it's pointless to have children anyway; you'll only be bringing more pain and misery into a world where there is already plenty. Better just to fuck whores, get AIDS, and die young. But it's too late for me.
Haiku # 57114, August 6, 2017 3:41 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
When the next girl went on stage and spread her legs, it looked exactly like an Arby's roast beef sandwich and smelled similar. The beef they use isn't really beef, but some mystery conglomeration of rejected parts from dog food companies, processed with food coloring and flavors added. Having had friends who worked there made this a known fact and even they wouldn't eat it if it was free. You felt the same about this fur burger displayed in the window stage. Like in those old Life cereal commercials, "Give it to VHS, he'll eat anything."
Haiku # 57113, August 6, 2017 3:36 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
She wore a t-shirt that said "Vampyres suck better!" The misspelled vampire in large red Gothic lettering. She was the kind of girl you'd forbid your daughter to have as a friend and encourage your son to take advantage of and then dump. It was wrong to see her naked, but every politician, lawyer, and preacher from 5 towns away was also viewing her young naked body, so how wrong could it be?
Haiku # 57112, August 6, 2017 3:31 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Digital folk art
Is that what this place might be?
That sounds about right
Haiku # 57111, August 5, 2017 8:09 pm ET
by Primitive Lifeform
of course if you TRY
then people are like yeah um
i got chips to eat....

um.....bye for now
Haiku # 57110, August 5, 2017 7:20 pm ET
by vhs
trying to get some
folks from diverse places to
say hi and post stuff
Haiku # 57109, August 5, 2017 7:06 pm ET
by vhs
hmm well you know i
always wanted to date a
gothic babe of the week...
Haiku # 57108, August 5, 2017 7:02 pm ET
by vhs
vhs rolls eyes
dvd shrugs his shoulders
a man can dream though
Haiku # 57107, August 5, 2017 6:46 pm ET
by a man
a dream is just a
dream a sigh is just a sigh
no kisses though kay?
Haiku # 57106, August 5, 2017 5:40 pm ET
by vhs
A dream you dream alone is only a dream

A dream you dream together is reality
Haiku # 57105, August 5, 2017 5:36 pm ET
by dvd
oh wait, no no no
you got that right hmm?
Haiku # 57104, August 5, 2017 4:36 pm ET
by vhs
Haiku # 57103, August 5, 2017 4:34 pm ET
by vhs
Haiku # 57102, August 5, 2017 4:09 pm ET
by gooback of the future
you put a sandwich
up in the window at work
and i thought it was

my lunch, which proved to
me if i am hungry I'm
going why does this

fried chicken tender
sandwich taste like fried
cod? lesson, i can

make detailed worlds and
poems but i need a basic
lesson in foodstuffs
Haiku # 57101, August 4, 2017 7:53 pm ET
by vhs
You know the universe is chaos
But chaos plays favorites

"Jesus Does The Dishes"
- Wingnut Dishwashers Union
Haiku # 57100, August 4, 2017 7:42 pm ET
by dvd
retail spaces once
alive with currency and
clerks close 1/2 off and

abandoned malls all
become new explorer pathways
empty pay phone spots
Haiku # 57099, August 4, 2017 6:48 pm ET
by vhs
Admiring teachings
Voiceless song without support
Blessings of wonder

Haiku # 57098, August 4, 2017 6:09 pm ET
by dvd
Colorful nightmares
Cannibalism not fun
I am for dinner
Haiku # 57097, August 4, 2017 5:17 pm ET
by dvd
the cat just opened
the door to the office proof
cats rule the world now
Haiku # 57096, August 3, 2017 7:58 pm ET
by vhs
can't do much about
the past, that is why some say
focus on here, now
Haiku # 57095, August 3, 2017 6:58 pm ET
by vhs
some roads if they get
traveled at night you know those
phantom hitchhikers

ufos, black eyed
kids, the occasional late
night espresso place

at my age i miss
10 shot espresso drinks
Haiku # 57094, August 3, 2017 6:42 pm ET
by vhs
Lost in my own mind
I walk the vacant roadways
I see evil things
Haiku # 57093, August 3, 2017 2:08 am ET
by S.Milly
for poodles is quite silly
until you fuck one.
Haiku # 57092, August 3, 2017 2:07 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Not all dust is created equal
Not all movies will get a sequel
To be reborn, crying
To tell the truth, it feels a lot like dying
Haiku # 57091, August 2, 2017 10:30 pm ET
by adam ben adam
A bird with broken wings
Building a nest softly
Encouraged by the notion
Bones can heal
Haiku # 57090, August 2, 2017 10:27 pm ET
by Olea europea
Echoes in between
Holding breath against the waves
Armies march lively

Haiku # 57089, August 2, 2017 10:25 pm ET
by dvd
Leaving of a wish
Rising sun beckons me close
Boats drift in the light

Haiku # 57088, August 2, 2017 10:24 pm ET
by dvd
ashes to ashes
babe don't matter where you are
we all go someday

hate it, love it or
not, jokes, irony, pious...
we are all just dust
Haiku # 57087, August 2, 2017 5:26 pm ET
by The Codfather of somewhere in vhs's tape colletion
Word "America"
Slogan now to improve sales
Empty Budweisers

All your tax dollars
Pay for picnics and healthcare
"D","R" play Doctor
Haiku # 57086, August 2, 2017 8:21 am ET
by Prophet of The Worldwide Landfill
Having been a successful neurosurgeon for for over 12 years now, Dr. Robert Cartworth III decided that he hated his career and silently wished he'd stuck to his original plans of becoming world champion Atari Asteroids player and getting stoned all day. He supposed it wasn't too late and decided to give it a try. Thus he moved to Oregon, bought a near-antique Asteroids arcade game, a hydroponic grow room, and a VW van for late night trips to the nearest convenience store to curb the munchies. The older games did not have "pause" buttons and so the only way to play was to rack up as many "lives" as possible so you could die a few dozen times while taking a bathroom break. He played for 49 hours straight, having an unfair advantage from the pharmaceuticals he was able to acquire (he still had his medical license). He beat the previous high score world record.
He had a city-wide party to celebrate this life-victory and it bankrupted him. He made the money back several times over by selling weed. He retired happy, surrounded by good weed, pizza, beer, and young girls who needed a place to stay and a good drug connection.
Haiku # 57085, August 2, 2017 12:07 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
prophets will profit
while fighting evil doers
and the IRS
Haiku # 57084, August 1, 2017 10:48 pm ET
by Primitive Lifeform
why are "prophets" trying
to sell the message time
is short, buy right now

this is my faith they're
selling, not the stock exchange
Dow Jones Jesus Christ????
Haiku # 57083, August 1, 2017 1:02 pm ET
by vhs
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