Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
25 Years, 68 Days and 74648 Haiku later...

confiscated spring
fallen apart it and I
heart-teasing trial
Haiku # 57116, August 6, 2017 10:37 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
imagine df
as mall santa but thing is
its fucking august
children run away
from vomit stained beard santa
had too much nutmeg
with his satchel full
cheap amanita mushrooms
and cans of nitrous
its quite possible
the man had sex with poodle
not jealous at all
Haiku # 57115, August 6, 2017 9:31 am ET
by Anonymous Poodle
Never have children.
If you don't regret it now,
you will one day soon.

Considering the state of the world, it's pointless to have children anyway; you'll only be bringing more pain and misery into a world where there is already plenty. Better just to fuck whores, get AIDS, and die young. But it's too late for me.
Haiku # 57114, August 6, 2017 3:41 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
When the next girl went on stage and spread her legs, it looked exactly like an Arby's roast beef sandwich and smelled similar. The beef they use isn't really beef, but some mystery conglomeration of rejected parts from dog food companies, processed with food coloring and flavors added. Having had friends who worked there made this a known fact and even they wouldn't eat it if it was free. You felt the same about this fur burger displayed in the window stage. Like in those old Life cereal commercials, "Give it to VHS, he'll eat anything."
Haiku # 57113, August 6, 2017 3:36 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
She wore a t-shirt that said "Vampyres suck better!" The misspelled vampire in large red Gothic lettering. She was the kind of girl you'd forbid your daughter to have as a friend and encourage your son to take advantage of and then dump. It was wrong to see her naked, but every politician, lawyer, and preacher from 5 towns away was also viewing her young naked body, so how wrong could it be?
Haiku # 57112, August 6, 2017 3:31 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Digital folk art
Is that what this place might be?
That sounds about right
Haiku # 57111, August 5, 2017 8:09 pm ET
by Primitive Lifeform
of course if you TRY
then people are like yeah um
i got chips to eat....

um.....bye for now
Haiku # 57110, August 5, 2017 7:20 pm ET
by vhs
trying to get some
folks from diverse places to
say hi and post stuff
Haiku # 57109, August 5, 2017 7:06 pm ET
by vhs
hmm well you know i
always wanted to date a
gothic babe of the week...
Haiku # 57108, August 5, 2017 7:02 pm ET
by vhs
vhs rolls eyes
dvd shrugs his shoulders
a man can dream though
Haiku # 57107, August 5, 2017 6:46 pm ET
by a man
a dream is just a
dream a sigh is just a sigh
no kisses though kay?
Haiku # 57106, August 5, 2017 5:40 pm ET
by vhs
A dream you dream alone is only a dream

A dream you dream together is reality
Haiku # 57105, August 5, 2017 5:36 pm ET
by dvd
oh wait, no no no
BURGER BURGER BURGER!!! hope
you got that right hmm?
Haiku # 57104, August 5, 2017 4:36 pm ET
by vhs
FISH
SANDWICH!!!!!
Haiku # 57103, August 5, 2017 4:34 pm ET
by vhs
CHICKEN
SANDWICH?
Haiku # 57102, August 5, 2017 4:09 pm ET
by gooback of the future
you put a sandwich
up in the window at work
and i thought it was

my lunch, which proved to
me if i am hungry I'm
going why does this

fried chicken tender
sandwich taste like fried
cod? lesson, i can

make detailed worlds and
poems but i need a basic
lesson in foodstuffs
Haiku # 57101, August 4, 2017 7:53 pm ET
by vhs
You know the universe is chaos
But chaos plays favorites

"Jesus Does The Dishes"
- Wingnut Dishwashers Union
Haiku # 57100, August 4, 2017 7:42 pm ET
by dvd
retail spaces once
alive with currency and
clerks close 1/2 off and

abandoned malls all
become new explorer pathways
empty pay phone spots
Haiku # 57099, August 4, 2017 6:48 pm ET
by vhs
Admiring teachings
Voiceless song without support
Blessings of wonder

04.Aug.2017
Haiku # 57098, August 4, 2017 6:09 pm ET
by dvd
Colorful nightmares
Cannibalism not fun
I am for dinner
Haiku # 57097, August 4, 2017 5:17 pm ET
by dvd
the cat just opened
the door to the office proof
cats rule the world now
Haiku # 57096, August 3, 2017 7:58 pm ET
by vhs
can't do much about
the past, that is why some say
focus on here, now
Haiku # 57095, August 3, 2017 6:58 pm ET
by vhs
some roads if they get
traveled at night you know those
phantom hitchhikers

ufos, black eyed
kids, the occasional late
night espresso place

at my age i miss
10 shot espresso drinks
Haiku # 57094, August 3, 2017 6:42 pm ET
by vhs
Lost in my own mind
I walk the vacant roadways
I see evil things
Haiku # 57093, August 3, 2017 2:08 am ET
by S.Milly
Vaginoplasty
for poodles is quite silly
until you fuck one.
Haiku # 57092, August 3, 2017 2:07 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Not all dust is created equal
Not all movies will get a sequel
To be reborn, crying
To tell the truth, it feels a lot like dying
Haiku # 57091, August 2, 2017 10:30 pm ET
by adam ben adam
A bird with broken wings
Building a nest softly
Encouraged by the notion
Bones can heal
Haiku # 57090, August 2, 2017 10:27 pm ET
by Olea europea
Echoes in between
Holding breath against the waves
Armies march lively

02.Aug.2017
Haiku # 57089, August 2, 2017 10:25 pm ET
by dvd
Leaving of a wish
Rising sun beckons me close
Boats drift in the light

08.Jul.2017
Haiku # 57088, August 2, 2017 10:24 pm ET
by dvd
ashes to ashes
babe don't matter where you are
we all go someday

hate it, love it or
not, jokes, irony, pious...
we are all just dust
Haiku # 57087, August 2, 2017 5:26 pm ET
by The Codfather of somewhere in vhs's tape colletion
Word "America"
Slogan now to improve sales
Empty Budweisers

All your tax dollars
Pay for picnics and healthcare
"D","R" play Doctor
Haiku # 57086, August 2, 2017 8:21 am ET
by Prophet of The Worldwide Landfill
Having been a successful neurosurgeon for for over 12 years now, Dr. Robert Cartworth III decided that he hated his career and silently wished he'd stuck to his original plans of becoming world champion Atari Asteroids player and getting stoned all day. He supposed it wasn't too late and decided to give it a try. Thus he moved to Oregon, bought a near-antique Asteroids arcade game, a hydroponic grow room, and a VW van for late night trips to the nearest convenience store to curb the munchies. The older games did not have "pause" buttons and so the only way to play was to rack up as many "lives" as possible so you could die a few dozen times while taking a bathroom break. He played for 49 hours straight, having an unfair advantage from the pharmaceuticals he was able to acquire (he still had his medical license). He beat the previous high score world record.
He had a city-wide party to celebrate this life-victory and it bankrupted him. He made the money back several times over by selling weed. He retired happy, surrounded by good weed, pizza, beer, and young girls who needed a place to stay and a good drug connection.
Haiku # 57085, August 2, 2017 12:07 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
prophets will profit
while fighting evil doers
and the IRS
Haiku # 57084, August 1, 2017 10:48 pm ET
by Primitive Lifeform
why are "prophets" trying
to sell the message time
is short, buy right now

this is my faith they're
selling, not the stock exchange
Dow Jones Jesus Christ????
Haiku # 57083, August 1, 2017 1:02 pm ET
by vhs
putting things off seems
to be the story of my
life up to right now
Haiku # 57082, July 31, 2017 6:57 pm ET
by vhs
The eyes of a fractured mind staring wildly from under a mop of stringy gray grease, a home for many species and dense nutrients. Crumbs from a meal weeks ago or someone's lost poodle squirm in a logic defying beard of rainbow colors but how and why? He speaks soothingly to no one. You can only imagine his teeth that hide behind a mossy cover of mustache, a gaping hidden cavern perhaps hiding treasure but no one dares.

A woman with ridiculous breasts passes by.
Children laugh in the distance.
A briefcase of proven conspiracy theories and a dark suit blatantly exists.
Never in my life have I wanted to be someone else so badly as the old man makes some inhuman sound and scratches his armpit.
Haiku # 57081, July 30, 2017 11:42 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
well you know gardens
can be useful for that and
farmers markets hmm?
Haiku # 57080, July 30, 2017 7:30 pm ET
by vhs
I'd like something to eat that's not made in a factory.
Is it possible?
Haiku # 57079, July 30, 2017 9:41 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
some kid buzzed by the
house on his dirt bike too fast
he may buzz no more...
Haiku # 57078, July 29, 2017 5:42 pm ET
by vhs
twas an adventure
but the hobbit comes home and
settles back in with

a notebook in hand
to make some "red book" for some
Tolkien to find out
Haiku # 57077, July 29, 2017 5:41 pm ET
by vhs
over two hundred
bowling greatness I wish for
please, gods of the pins
Haiku # 57076, July 29, 2017 9:26 am ET
by Primitive Lifeform of Nearby Planet
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Haiku # 57075, July 29, 2017 5:03 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of USA
I want to live near a golf course where only the elite rich play.
I would hunt them and drag them into the bushes, then carry them home.
Not too often... maybe every two years or so.
I would turn them into "artisan" Hungarian sausage and serve them to their friends at the corner cafe and bakery.
Eventually I would be caught, oh but the look on their friends faces would be sooooo worth it.
And what an awesome collection of golf balls I would have!
Haiku # 57074, July 28, 2017 10:31 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Huh huh huh... my wiener expanded.

Heh heh heh... yeah yeah, me too.
Haiku # 57073, July 28, 2017 10:26 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
we are entering
a time of what can be said
will be expanded

but it will not be
always for the best but it
needed to be done
Haiku # 57072, July 28, 2017 8:58 pm ET
by vhs
at the end of the
day the mind recalls a bit
of inner data

and forms surreal night
cinema for our pleasure
and we wake up to

a world more unreal
Haiku # 57071, July 28, 2017 7:34 pm ET
by vhs
way too much caffeine
and not enough nutrients
civilization
Haiku # 57070, July 28, 2017 5:49 pm ET
by jgoines
i just walked into a room
full of parakeets
morgan freeman is explaining
how a universe made of cheese works
jupiter is like what the fuck
i generally avoid people
but i'm really bad at it
introverted and extroverted
Haiku # 57069, July 28, 2017 5:39 pm ET
by dvd
Big snake in my head
That tells me to do bad things
But I still have fun
Haiku # 57068, July 28, 2017 5:20 pm ET
by alfamike
Shadows without end
Sweet chorus to leave once more
Silence falls troubled
Haiku # 57067, July 28, 2017 5:18 pm ET
by Olea europaea
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