I will not wear shoes.
All day long I'll go barefoot.
Cleaning the pig stalls.

Lithium was in
original 7-Up
to bring you back down.

Original Coke
made with good old real cocaine.
Where's the recipe?

Now it is half done.
But I'd like to masturbate
then have a long rest.

Satisfying hack.
The luggi splats on the wall.
And there it will dry.

I'm touching myself.
At least I think that that's me.
No wait, that's not me.

Rape Charles Dickens.
Go back in time and fuck him.
Poverty is dull.

Please pinch my nipples,
slap my butt, and call me Sue.
Or else I will poo.

I'm fucking tired.
Up all Goddamn night working.
This will help me sleep.

Lizards don't jack off.
I'm glad I'm not a lizard.
But I would fuck one.

Her ass can jiggle.
Just like strawberry Jello.
Bill Cosby likes that.

There's a video
of Trump fucking Hillary.
Wikileaks dot org.

Algebra is dumb.
Chicks do not dig algebra.
They like giant cocks.

She didn't just cum.
Vaginal detonation
is what I'd call it.

I'll track down the
spam website owners and send
pics of my ass hole.

Are they watching me?
Will they end this posting streak?
Spam free just one day.

How hard did you laugh
when you saw a sumo match
the very first time?

Buy a pogo stick.
Bounce three times around the block.
Do it in speedos.

Evolution's goof:
Flooding the lungs with mucus
to fight a disease.

Try dumpster diving.
You'll find some amazing shit.
Sorority house.

Hermit crabs are dumb.
They should not crawl in the street.
They have a death wish.

I do not like dogs.
They shit all over the place
and make lots of noise.

When the sun comes up
I will run outside naked
screaming mock Chinese.

What's the world record
for the largest dildo used
up a human twat?

scrotal sweat rotting
in unchanged adult diapers
after 10 hours

mechanical wife
polyurethane love doll
she can make sushi

green pea papaya
grapefruit sour sop smoothie
tastes like pussy puke

Did you ever puke
while doing cunnilingus?
Did I spell that right?

Their mom has nice socks
Grandma once drove a tractor
Uncle Ted eats beets

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How did that happen?
The internet gods love farts.
And so was twice sent.

I went spelunking.
My fart reverberated.
The bats were not pleased.

I went spelunking.
My fart reverberated.
The bats were not pleased.

Earth needs a huge war.
Bioweapons are preferred.
But nukes are okay.

Death by paper cuts.
That is what they all deserve.
Cuts by crisp C-notes.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

It would be so cool
if kangaroos learned language
and carried pistols.

I really like your writing style, great info, thank you for putting up

On the next big fight
with my evil fat-assed wife,
I'm leaving that bitch.

Bananas are good.
And they are quite good for you.
Eat four ev'ry day.

Porn porn porn porn porn.
Porn porn porn porn porn porn porn.
Porn porn porn porn porn.

Incredible ass.
I saw one swimming today.
She saw me looking.

Lugis are slimy.
They'd be good for jacking off.
Can your dick catch cold?

Vinegary balls.
I just had to write that down.
Just don't ask me why.

I know this is strange.
Lately I pinch my nipples.
I used to hate that.

Just imagine it:
Fifty shades of bad haiku
without any spam.

I should post nude pics
of myself eating ice cream
with a dead tuna.

Popped like a cream puff.
Testicular infection.
Imagine the stench.

I should get money.
My poems are just that bad.
Drop them on China.