The talking dog said,
"Darth Figpucker touched your mom,"
and then I woke up.

What did the dogs say?
Was it a symposium
on the Higgs boson?

We don't need numbers.
They can be represented
by spatial figures.

The operators
take on entirely new
whatchamacallits.

The thingy-ma-jigs
are brutally randomized
like your mom's boyfriends.

our moist tongues explore
then I wake, soaked on the lawn
your sprinklers are on

Howdy there stranger.
Want to hear about my dream?
It had talking dogs.

night ends on a truce
we sleep by dying embers
and trade warmth for dreams

night ends on a truce
we sleep by dying embers and trade warmth for dreams

Ash, you crack me up.
Laughter's much needed these days.
Damn the government.

trim my turbinates
ream my nasal ostia
do it till i bleed

Cincinnati Reds
New York Knicks, Dallas Cowboys
Edmonton Oilers

I understand, Ash.
I was also raped by the
school librarian.

Give away your stuff.
A computer and surfboard;
this is all you need.

long words are okay
as they accurately paint
my recent trauma

The use of large words
do not make for good haiku;
simplicity's lost.

And I'm forced to use
the Google dictionary.
Septoplasty porn!

Damn your big vocab.!
Some things cannot be unseen.
It's all your fault, ash!

so predictably
the pain of septoplasty
is nostril dharma

rotten ocean air
wafting like old walrus farts
assaulting nostrils

Mad men make moonshine
Sad sisters selling sunshine
Bad beatnik bongos

This ain't calculus.
Food is neither tangential
nor is it for thought.

Please focus your mind.
Find meaning in the chaos.
You will see it's there.

Post pics of you wife
in her bra and underwear
then get back to me.

it isn't just me
says clang association
isn't poetry

in australia
psychiatrists might compare
echolalia

but is this valid ?
or tangential food for thought
eat my word salad

I'm sublime in grime.
Give a dime to the lime mime.
It's no crime to rhyme.

(But it should be.)

Climb slime prime-time chime
"Parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme."
El-Garfunk On-Sim.

if rhymes go askew
honourable thing to do
haiku seppuku

Now don't you forget
Rhyming can lead to regret
Making you upset

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Should my Haiku rhyme
Yes if I just had the time
I could make it rhyme

God does not love you.
Do not pretend to love God;
He will hate you more.

roasted polar bear
with a side of spotted owl
My favorite meal!

International
pig-fucking competition
concession stand snacks.

Chitlins are nasty
but so are the contestants.
Can I get mayo?

Were you expecting
that polar bears would survive
man-made extinction?!

Polar bears vanish.
Forest fires. Record heat waves
Dead bees on my porch.

What's more disturbing
than pregnant retarded girls?
I am at a loss.

Here's the solution.
We must kill all the people.
We'll have lots of food.

Start with Africa.
Then, of course, we'll hit China.
And then India.

The problem is solved.
Now go write a bad haiku
about politics.

You had enough words
to write a proper haiku
yet failed to make it

We have enough food
to feed all of the people
and yet some starve

But I love mornings.
I also wish you were drunk.
Then I could fuck you.

I hate mornings.
I wish I was drunk.
Fuck.

She is like hot pants
freshly out of the dryer
on winter morning

Success, more or less,
is difficult to express
making me depressed

Shit-covered dildo.
Maggots in your underwear.
Arby's sandwiches.

I like ping-pong games.
I once saw one in Thailand.
That girl could work it!

She wasn't impressed
When I had shot the ball back.
Jealous lady-boys.

I say one haiku
I hope to hear one response
Haiku ping pong game

I write badder but
The era of literacy
Is all about code

Jarred starts and ends
his sandwich-eating career
getting in small pants.

Men who eat pussy
Are known as pussy-eaters.
Or just lesbians.

So if she know the
Websites grow old regulars stale
Like a pub crawls down

The Harmonica:
A musical instrument.
Window to the soul.

put it in my butt
butt put it in my butt butt
putt it in right now

I have what it takes
to become a poop eater
Yes, I have my dreams!

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Exploding butt zits.
That was my Fourth of July.
And snorting bath salts

Butt chugging mouth wash.
Minty freshness flatulence.
Scope or Listerine?

zombies shambling in
exhausting his last salvo
soon he will join them