What a dick I am!
I just cannot stop myself.
I'll go beat off now.

I will take over.
No other poems remain.
Except for my own.

Never recycle.
It wastes too much energy.
There's no benefit.

My love has dried up.
Along with my tiny balls.
I won't take those pills!

Most awful flavors
can only be concocted
by mother-in-law.

Oh, mushy dog poo,
let me squish you in my shoes,
treading new carpets.

Hey, pay attention
Heavy partition mud eat
Please dance to the beat

This Haiku website
Walls of a New York subway
Almost the same thing

Except for one thing...
Most of what goes up here stays
Subway's washed away

Damn, you dosed my dog!
He just sits there listening
To the Grateful Dead

Your dog is tripping.
I put acid in his bowl.
Watch out for my poop.

You fitlthy hippy
Quit going poop in my yard
Hope my dog bites you

Can't they sell good drugs?
Like acid and ecstasy.
I'd buy those online!

You think I'm Merlin?!
"Poof! You're a Delorian!"
Go back and stay there.

Send me back in time
I'd change a few decisions
And fix my haiku

Prolific spammers
Posting more than the poets
Not the way it should be

in a century
a bookmark in history
hawking boner pills

I love you Cheetos!
I surrender completely
Crunchy cheesiness

Grotesque green goblins
Inhabit my proboscis.
Shall I give you one?

hello! boner pills
is it me you're looking for ?
that's a bit richie

I shot a rainbow.
Sticky rainbow on her face
and wedding gown.

Fighting those spammers
Like spitting into the wind
What a stupid waste

T-Rex McNuggets
Old McDonald had a farm.
E-I-E-I-O.

Magnify centaur
Grade A flank steaks and nice thighs
Superfluous head

Magnificent fart.
Grande flatulence surprise.
Sulfurous fumes waft.

no point in mourning
revolution, next morning
until axis fails

Douches are awesome!
They keep the vaginas clean.
But poets do not.

We've been here before.
De ja motherfuckin' vu.
Or something like that.

Do you like clean twat?
Then please thank your local douche.
Your wife could use one.

Books scattered on desk
Candle gives way to sunlight
Enlightenment looms

Artists can be such
Douches to other artists
Life is too short so

Make room for flaws

Can't say I blame you.
Life on this rock can be tough.
So....nanoo nanoo

Hello!

Just kidding. I'm human

cherry tree blossom
so many flowers at once-
the sky turns color.

beauty of grayness
the dust remains undisturbed-
a cobblers last shoe.

If the lion barks,
You should adjust your doses
Until it meows

secrets of the dark
in amongst the trees and ferns-
much much room for more.

Mother fish monger
Who is sexiest muppet?
Geddy Lee plays bass

sorry, my mistake
i thought our leader were my balls shite
but they're even worse than a tuna whore

excuse my mistake butwax
a minor fuckin' error
but the right massage parlour

Can't you say goodbye?
If you did, I would not cry.
Crappy pill spammer

excuse my mistake
a minor syntax error
but the right message

sorry, my mistake
i thought our leader were shite
but they're even worse

Aspen

Sea snake symphony
Dying sounds of doomed planet
Smoke 'em while you can

Last exhortation
Twaddle the repercussions
Dexedrine ahead.

Other stuff to do.
Settle upon settlement
Blast unto the sea.

Ready? Arms! Cease-fire?
Fuck that. Already sighted.
Let's finish this shit.

oh so much hamas
thickly spread over the news
yet no tabooli

The clothes make the man.
Unless you live in China.
The man makes the clothes.

don't fear the reaper
tidying the rough edges
as he mows your lawn

Ready the monkeys!
My dingleberries are ripe.
Ready for harvest.

The noble gasses
Come from out of my asses.
Ideal they're not.

Nuclear decay.
Transmutated flatulence.
I'll eat beans tonight.