Magnify centaur
Grade A flank steaks and nice thighs
Superfluous head

Magnificent fart.
Grande flatulence surprise.
Sulfurous fumes waft.

no point in mourning
revolution, next morning
until axis fails

Douches are awesome!
They keep the vaginas clean.
But poets do not.

We've been here before.
De ja motherfuckin' vu.
Or something like that.

Do you like clean twat?
Then please thank your local douche.
Your wife could use one.

Books scattered on desk
Candle gives way to sunlight
Enlightenment looms

Artists can be such
Douches to other artists
Life is too short so

Make room for flaws

Can't say I blame you.
Life on this rock can be tough.
So....nanoo nanoo

Hello!

Just kidding. I'm human

cherry tree blossom
so many flowers at once-
the sky turns color.

beauty of grayness
the dust remains undisturbed-
a cobblers last shoe.

If the lion barks,
You should adjust your doses
Until it meows

secrets of the dark
in amongst the trees and ferns-
much much room for more.

Mother fish monger
Who is sexiest muppet?
Geddy Lee plays bass

sorry, my mistake
i thought our leader were my balls shite
but they're even worse than a tuna whore

excuse my mistake butwax
a minor fuckin' error
but the right massage parlour

Can't you say goodbye?
If you did, I would not cry.
Crappy pill spammer

excuse my mistake
a minor syntax error
but the right message

sorry, my mistake
i thought our leader were shite
but they're even worse

Aspen

Sea snake symphony
Dying sounds of doomed planet
Smoke 'em while you can

Last exhortation
Twaddle the repercussions
Dexedrine ahead.

Other stuff to do.
Settle upon settlement
Blast unto the sea.

Ready? Arms! Cease-fire?
Fuck that. Already sighted.
Let's finish this shit.

oh so much hamas
thickly spread over the news
yet no tabooli

The clothes make the man.
Unless you live in China.
The man makes the clothes.

don't fear the reaper
tidying the rough edges
as he mows your lawn

Ready the monkeys!
My dingleberries are ripe.
Ready for harvest.

The noble gasses
Come from out of my asses.
Ideal they're not.

Nuclear decay.
Transmutated flatulence.
I'll eat beans tonight.

nobility's child
but avogadro's offspring
is a complete mol

it sits in her tray
crusted in kitty litter
a feline praline

Age settles softly.
A January snowfall.
There is no more life.

Did you know that the
Fibonacci remainders
are cyclic series?

What will be my lunch?
Fibonacci Alfredo
With Euler jizz sauce.

To Haiku Poets:

I hate all of you.
You think you're such good artists.
All you do is count.

Smoke grass, no nickel.
Direct current, m'lady.
My, but my butt... stinks.

Corpulent creature
awaiting in chains in pain
molten lead bath.

alas, no quarter
a recurrent malady
my butt... it itches

crapulent feature
awaiting some change in vain
frigid bath water

Spoogarificus.
Internet Anonymous.
Massdisturbation.

Pachyderm nostril.
Humping snuffalupagus.
Up his snuffle, Gus.

Wear transparent clothes.
Let them all see what you've got.
You can be famous.

You're a tabloid star.
Paparazzi pizza pie.
I'll beat off to it.

Go eat a treat Pete.
Manipulating word job
She thanked me with smiles

Watering the lawn
Trying to fill up the time
Between now and death

Don't fart too loudly.
Unless in Starbucks' bathroom.
Let them all hear you.

The Sunday crowd laughs.
Childish giggles suppressed.
You can take a bow.

There is nothing here.
Look no further for meaning.
It's not to be found.

I am drunk again.
Old Crow and Dr. Pepper.
I must now go puke.

Gun powder Ding Dong.
Abused pink skin whore kissed Rah.
Hope her man blood craps.

Goat powered ping pong
Confused penguin orchestra
Doberman mud flaps

haiku hiatus
been a long time between posts
janis is the shiz

That sounds fair to me
Your cat has been declawed right?
Otherwise, no thanks.

I guess that was me.
Apologies, my good man.
I was really drunk.

But to make things right,
you can poop in my yard too.
And wipe with my cat.

Who pooped in my yard?
Seriously, who does that?
Get a life douche bag!

And now they are back.
Boner spam before coffee.
That just isn't right.

Find them with "who is".
Email them scans of your ass.
It's all we can do.

Seriously though. I used to bait those "Nigerian prince" scammers and when I had them believing I would wire them money or give them bank info, I would scan my ass (all spread apart and showing the nasty bits and my balls too), attach it in a word doc, and email it to them. Fun times those were.