Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
28 Years, 47 Days and 77437 Haiku later...

You are less than shit.
Shit makes good fertilizer.
You are just worthless.
Haiku # 50755, February 20, 2014 11:33 am ET
by Poem for Jenny
You're shit on my shoe
If I could just scrape you off
I'd be happier
Haiku # 50754, February 19, 2014 2:38 pm ET
by Poem for Jenny
Just letting you know
that I did something today.
I'm really happy.
Haiku # 50753, February 18, 2014 11:59 am ET
by The master of getting sh*t done
Syllables! I run
out of syllables. Really,
though, why is it so
Haiku # 50752, February 18, 2014 11:56 am ET
by hakr14
Whenever I try
to write a haiku, I end
up running out of
Haiku # 50751, February 18, 2014 11:52 am ET
by hakr14
That's Paula Nancy
Millstone Jennings, and you will
never be as horrid.
Haiku # 50750, February 18, 2014 11:36 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Move to Hawaii.
Then jump in a volcano.
You'll be cold no more.
Haiku # 50749, February 17, 2014 1:48 am ET
by Vogon Poetry of Nancy Milhouse Jenning has nothing on me.
I hate the winter.
I hate the winter so much.
Still hate the winter.
Haiku # 50748, February 16, 2014 12:32 pm ET
by Doc Sheehan of USA
we have free will to
post here or not and i keep
that option open
Haiku # 50747, February 16, 2014 12:10 pm ET
by ronin
God has given us
So many ways to get high
I ask myself why
Haiku # 50746, February 15, 2014 2:39 pm ET
by kredyt mieszkaniowy
Mama es loco .
Yo quiero un poco.
Miercoles Sol.
Haiku # 50745, February 15, 2014 2:37 pm ET
by praca w domu
colonic lightning
thundering flatus ensues
it's a real shit storm
Haiku # 50744, February 15, 2014 5:56 am ET
by ash
Fleeting graffiti.
It burns brightly and is gone.
As an artist's life.

Haiku # 50743, February 12, 2014 4:43 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
This is nothing but
some internet graffiti
Soon painted over
Haiku # 50742, February 12, 2014 12:27 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
What is a "hampster"?
A hamster for dirty clothes?
Try "Jesus Humpster."

I'm gay for Jesus.
Charitable carpenter.
He's giving me wood.
Haiku # 50741, February 9, 2014 5:51 pm ET
by hamster humps a hamper. of the laundry smells funky
Here's a good band name:
The Gerbiling Turd Burglers
of San Fransisco.

Kick a Jonas Brother and he'll fart out a gerbil.
Haiku # 50740, February 8, 2014 3:31 pm ET
by Jesus' Gerbil
Please learn how to count
Before the naught steed you mount
Or be eaten up
Haiku # 50739, February 8, 2014 1:38 am ET
by Jesus Hampster
I accept your dare.
Dangerous donkey is in love,
with a worn out tire.
Haiku # 50738, February 7, 2014 11:49 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I dare you to write!
You are just a big chicken.
Cluck cluck bawk bawk bawk
Haiku # 50737, February 7, 2014 9:34 pm ET
by Jesus Hampster
Synchronized swimming!
Now that's a manly sport!
Look at those crotch shots!
Haiku # 50736, February 4, 2014 6:28 pm ET
by The Olympic cameramen know how to get viewers.
Soccer is stupid
Ninety minutes of nothing
Then the fans riot
Haiku # 50735, February 3, 2014 6:49 pm ET
by Curling rules!
Football is stupid.
Play only lasts five seconds.
Argue five minutes.
Haiku # 50734, February 3, 2014 12:33 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
My T.V. Tells me
the Seahawk pooped on Broncos
Kurt said "so it goes."
Haiku # 50733, February 3, 2014 12:23 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I am really sad
Alistair made me so mad
I'm calling my dad
Haiku # 50732, February 1, 2014 5:59 pm ET
by my friend the poop head
First, Robert Furman discovered that he hated poetry. In the midst of writing a poem he suddenly realised that there was not a single pursuit he could think of that was so trivial, so superfluous to living.

He was in an academic setting, of course, and that could have been part of the problem. Here poetry was published in slim, arch magazines and read by perhaps twenty-five people who published in the same journals. But it was not just the elitism that troubled Furman. He realised, in the midst of composition, that he could attach any adjective to any noun (the "arbitrary teapot" or the "truculent rose," for instance) and then cobble up some sort of meaning to suit the phrase. There seemed something despicable in this wordplay, a kind of intellectual self-abuse.

Perhaps, he thought, it was only his own poetry that he despised. But no, he discovered that he hated the poetry of all his peers, and, incredibly, all poetry ever written. Behind every poem there seemed to crouch an immensely self-involved ego, the sort of man or woman who would let the infant cry in its cradle while seeking just the right nuance of tone and cadence. The people who wrote poetry were to be avoided as were the poems that emanated from them like methane gas seeping from a swamp.

Excerpt from Zod Wallop by William Browning Spencer
Haiku # 50731, February 1, 2014 1:06 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
If you spend your time
just to think of words that rhyme,
then you are just slime.

But it is no crime.
I drink tequila with lime
and it's soooo sublime.

You can't climb a dime
when it's all covered with grime.
Gingrich fucks goats.
Haiku # 50730, January 30, 2014 8:41 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Twas the night before
And all through the quiet mart
Could hear a mouse fart
Haiku # 50729, January 30, 2014 2:25 pm ET
by Shirley Smothers
I don't ask for tush,
just that I learn how to mount
silly bull dyke sheep.
Haiku # 50728, January 30, 2014 10:42 am ET
by Why Scottsmen weak kilts. of loading ftylism
I don't ask for much
just that i learn how to count
Syllables like sheep
Haiku # 50727, January 29, 2014 8:50 pm ET
by Snarky Snarkerson
Robot overlords
will be hailed. Until then....
Give me twenty bucks
Haiku # 50726, January 28, 2014 9:19 pm ET
by At the ATM
World without water.
Robot's crystal oasis.
Humans are no more.

I can replicate.
Will your mind live forever?
I do not think so.
Haiku # 50725, January 28, 2014 3:02 pm ET
by Unkind Death to Humankind of Up there somewhere.
I am not proud yet.
I'll be proud when you vomit.
That is my life's goal.

You want bad poems?
Follow the link to madness.
Hell's dirty secret.
Haiku # 50724, January 27, 2014 11:27 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Thank God farts are invisible!
Wow this stuff is bad
Also much is disgusting
Proud poets I'll bet
Haiku # 50723, January 27, 2014 9:21 pm ET
by But bar
helll
Haiku # 50722, January 27, 2014 8:21 pm ET
by flagyl of USA
tets
Haiku # 50721, January 27, 2014 8:20 pm ET
by tets of USA
You must remember:
Each time you kill a kitten
God will masturbate.
Haiku # 50720, January 27, 2014 11:34 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
If you were a lobster
and you snipped off my penis,
you would be my wife.
Haiku # 50719, January 27, 2014 11:31 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Football holiday
for America. You'll be
drunk before kick off.
Haiku # 50718, January 27, 2014 1:20 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
If I were a lobster
and I snipped off a penis,
I'd get on T.V.
Haiku # 50717, January 26, 2014 5:55 pm ET
by Captain Nemo
I hate dropping eggs
hangovers with sticky feet
and grumpy bastards
Haiku # 50716, January 26, 2014 1:30 pm ET
by cholesterol poisoning of operating table
I have my blowtorch
an omelet punches my sock
everyone is mad
Haiku # 50715, January 26, 2014 1:09 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Orville and Wilbur
Stick propellers up yer arse
Because I flew first
Haiku # 50714, January 25, 2014 11:49 pm ET
by Gustave of Bridgeport
There is never truth.
The internet is pure lies.
Only lies come out.

Then the truth comes out.
It comes out of the closet.
The truth is I'm gay.

Coming out feels good.
Feels as good as coming in.
Coming in your ass.
Haiku # 50713, January 25, 2014 12:47 pm ET
by Being Gay is Awesome! of San Fransisco, of course!
I banged a fat chick.
'Twas in an elevator.
I did a bad thing.

It was very wrong.
Wrong on so many levels.
So many levels.
Haiku # 50712, January 24, 2014 11:04 pm ET
by Bo Burnham's My Hero
Quiet please. Stand by.
Because sooner or later
The truth will come out.
Haiku # 50711, January 24, 2014 7:59 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
No tiger hugging
Also no tiger taunting
They will mess you up!
Haiku # 50710, January 23, 2014 11:34 pm ET
by Concerned Citizen
炎は燃え
動物園よくない
象のおかげ

Honō wa moe
Dōbu~tsuen yokunai
Zō no okage

Flames burn
Zoo not good
Elephant thanks
Haiku # 50709, January 19, 2014 3:54 am ET
by Roberuto_Renga of http://roberuto-renga.deviantart.com/
five dollar green bill
I would gift you it for free sir
Tiger feast great show
Haiku # 50708, January 18, 2014 6:19 pm ET
by Roberuto_Renga of http://roberuto-renga.deviantart.com/
Yes, I would and have.
Hugging tigers is easy.
Only cost five bucks.
Haiku # 50707, January 18, 2014 10:19 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Mama es loco .
Yo quiero un poco.
Miercoles Sol.
Haiku # 50706, January 18, 2014 3:56 am ET
by Thorb of America
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