Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
28 Years, 57 Days and 77449 Haiku later...

you talk too much
Haiku # 50175, September 21, 2013 11:16 am ET
by vhs
Oh, well, my heavens!
The poor little teabagger
has had quite enough!

Here here, good fellow!
Time to put these socialist
beggars in their place!

Socialist "art" work
has no place on this refined
public message board.

Although I'd hardly
call poetry about farts
any sort of art.

And all this business
about beastiality,
it's rather horrid!

What sort of monster
could concoct such disgusting
nonsense as all that?!

I bet Obama
or his cohorts are posting
as Darth Figpucker

Just so that he can
piss off all you teabaggers
with socialist art.

If "art" pisses you
off, then you need to get off
of this small planet.
Haiku # 50174, September 21, 2013 10:23 am ET
by Darth Top Hat Figpucker of Death to the socialist scum that destroyed out wonderful country and are continuing to do it to these message boards!
victor frankl
Haiku # 50172, September 21, 2013 2:12 am ET
by vhs
sure you might be a
good artist, but I've had quite
enough of you
Haiku # 50171, September 21, 2013 1:24 am ET
by vhs
Goan to jiggin ows.
Den be vuggin dem jiggins.
An' cut day heh off.

Day squeeze up on ya.
An yo goan screem all appy.
An yo nu' go dry.

Haiku # 50170, September 20, 2013 4:24 pm ET
by Darth figpucker
Ib she ain porn stah
den ain nebber heerd ubb er.
She amtoor o whut?


Haiku # 50169, September 20, 2013 3:57 pm ET
by Ann Rand Nekkid.
ayn rand, ever hear
of this chick but we don't need
go on purpoose here
Haiku # 50168, September 20, 2013 1:03 pm ET
by vhs
goan ee frie jiggin
den jrink me sim ahz coe bur
den burp lie err quaik

Haiku # 50167, September 20, 2013 11:40 am ET
by yup
Who is John Galtness?
I have never heard of him.
Is he a porn star.
Haiku # 50166, September 20, 2013 12:15 am ET
by I'd rather watch porn than the food channel or golf -- it's not as tasteless.
so if we find our
own John Galtness is it not
ironic, where's me
Haiku # 50165, September 19, 2013 1:09 am ET
by vhs
well go to say oh
deviantart and you will
see a female orc...
Haiku # 50164, September 19, 2013 1:08 am ET
by vhs
Frogs sing to the night.
Leaping, splashing, laying eggs.
Oh, to be a frog.
Haiku # 50163, September 18, 2013 4:56 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker. of LOL... yeah this is art. No, really!
Orc's are sooo hot!
I'd bang the whole Orc army.
Make them give me head.

Remove Prince Albert
For the snaggle tooth BJ
lest it gets ripped off.

Mordor can take pics
to put on the internet.
Golom shoots the vid.

Seriously though,
ever seen a lady orc?
So how do they breed?

Maybe this is why
orcs are always so pissed off.
They can't get any!
Haiku # 50162, September 18, 2013 12:32 pm ET
by Middle Earth Porn Studio of Mordor's Castle Basement.
well it's nice to see
flowers in the garden once
you've fought mordor's orcs...
Haiku # 50161, September 18, 2013 11:54 am ET
by vhs of how one might feel after being at war
It's impossible
For me to communicate
In seventeen "on"
Haiku # 50160, September 18, 2013 6:33 am ET
by Mike Scott Thomson of London
Math is a pure lie.
I just found the largest prime.
Shoved it up me arse!
Haiku # 50159, September 17, 2013 10:30 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Bland is as bland does.
The net is what we make it.
Mirrors do not lie.

My momma always
said haiku are like a big
box of chocolates.

At least this is not
a poetry reading where
geeks try to get laid!

Yow 'n mah jiggin'
ows! No mee comin' rown nyah
vuggin' mah jiggins!
Haiku # 50158, September 17, 2013 10:15 pm ET
by Forrest Mudda Vuggin' GUMP! In da house! of Noe mee vuggin' mah jiggin noe moe!
i just want to see
more haiku going because
we need these art things

the current state
of the internet is so
bland and quite empty
Haiku # 50157, September 17, 2013 12:25 pm ET
by vhs
As long as I live
I will keep the site running
That is my promise
Haiku # 50156, September 17, 2013 11:57 am ET
by Janis
The recaptcha is
Freaking me out a little
Decoding bitmaps
Haiku # 50155, September 17, 2013 11:56 am ET
by Janis
Trip around the sun
Yet another year flies by
Don't feel dizzy though
Haiku # 50154, September 17, 2013 11:54 am ET
by Janis
it's no fun anymore
you pretty much drove
me away as well
Haiku # 50153, September 17, 2013 10:46 am ET
by vhs
Thank you so very much!
I love my Viagra Spam!
I'm so literal!

I put Viagra
into fried Spam for breakfast.
Keeps me hard all day.

Thank God for trench coats.
I can beat off in public
and no one will know.

Shopping malls are best.
But sometimes I do Starbucks.
Thanks to Viagra!

I love to stroke my
perpetual erection,
pharmacy induced.

Seriously though,
I hear "Viagra", I think
Grandpa with boner.

I mean, like, GA-ROSSS!
I should go live in a cave.
And stay off the net.
Haiku # 50152, September 17, 2013 10:28 am ET
by This place is better than the bathroom wall! of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW, Washington, DC 20500
Is it Dave's Mind Fuck?
Or maybe it's Fuck Dave's Mind.
I like the latter.

"evade dave" is "evade dave" backwards.

Remember the Hannibal scene when he hung the inspector and his entrails fell out.... I love that part. Except it gives me the craving for deep fried pork rinds.

A priest and a politician... Wow. I mean, I'm in shock. I am near to Godless and I cannot follow laws. Hmmm... Maybe you're right!

It's time to catch zee's.
I'll use a big fucking net.
And keep them locked up.

Haiku # 50150, September 16, 2013 11:41 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
well i'd be careful dave
you seem to have poet, priest and politician
in one persona
Haiku # 50149, September 16, 2013 10:52 pm ET
by vhs
If A, then not B.
Also if B, then not A.
Logic sucks my ass.

"Oh, the terrible shape of this country and the evil socialist powers that run (ruin) it!"

Obama bites poo.
And those who hate him do too.
Lock them in a zoo.

"Mankind will never be truly free until the last politician is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.... or poet." ;-)

evi1 - a novel about you

Haiku # 50148, September 16, 2013 7:30 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
but to be all end
all if it sounds redic it
is and it's called....drum

roll please, trolling...I
see once a fisherman shall
always play with fish
Haiku # 50147, September 16, 2013 5:39 pm ET
by vhs
the only art in this
losing temper is so much
Jerry Springer show
Haiku # 50146, September 16, 2013 3:37 pm ET
by vhs
to be honest I'd
wish I'd get so upset
I just lose interest

but I don't want to
see this place taken off line
because some asshole

who thinks his ego
is interesting, would stab
his own potrait like

dorian grey did and
do us all a favor and finally
become truly silent
Haiku # 50145, September 16, 2013 3:29 pm ET
by vhs
look I don't care at
all anymore because this
country has gone mad

and that's why this whole
system we're seeing society
falling apart and

people in power
afraid of what's happening
they have questions, fears

when people stop being
afraid people will take back
what has been stolen

their lives, their jobs, their
investments, families, their
towns, because people

can run their own lives
and those who try to do otherwise
are fucked up in their

lives, lost, and dead
Haiku # 50144, September 16, 2013 3:04 pm ET
by vhs
bye
Haiku # 50143, September 16, 2013 2:57 pm ET
by vhs
fuck I responded
probably to some guy behind
bars getting fucked by

a crip named Bobbi
Haiku # 50142, September 16, 2013 2:53 pm ET
by vhs
well in that case have
fun
Haiku # 50141, September 16, 2013 1:28 pm ET
by vhs
VHS equals
Very Horny Son-of-a-
bitch. Ha ha ha ha.

Is your face rotting?
Dipping too much Skoal worm dirt?
Chewing Tobacco?

You are not alone.
Chewbacca chewed tobacco.
And he's dying too.

But Disney killed him.
A slow painful death it is.
Far worse than cancer.
Haiku # 50140, September 16, 2013 9:14 am ET
by DF of The CIA has logs from bad haiku.com to investigate the evil poetry and IP addresses. They will kick in our doors. Really!
Anonymity
is only an illusion.
They are watching you.
655321
Haiku # 50139, September 15, 2013 8:30 pm ET
by 22823899 15 of 22823899 15
Walls are closing in.
Now they are coming for me.
I'll be locked away.
Haiku # 50138, September 15, 2013 8:31 am ET
by lunatic of asylum
OMG! Does no
one monitor this garbage?!
I'd delete it all!
-----------
This would be a great
way for terrorists to chat
in their secret code.
-------------
This is way too hard.
Getting the right syllables.
Looks like I did it.
---------
Please help those in need.
Ronald McDonald knows how.
A clown can do it.
(And so can you!)
Haiku # 50137, September 14, 2013 9:38 am ET
by Ronald McDonald House -- Please Donate. of I am special. So very special.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Haiku # 50136, September 13, 2013 2:24 pm ET
by Banjo of Toronto
LOL... at least the spammer apologizes before he spams us... this has got to be one of the funniest things on this website... "Sorry, but"... and then the spam... I mean, that is classic! It's going to be a good day.

rolling on the floor laughing my big stinky fat ass off until I puke up the nachos I ate last night
Haiku # 50135, September 13, 2013 8:43 am ET
by DF of ROTFLMBSFAOUIPUTNIALN
You have it all wrong!
I want YOU to be beaten.
So that I can laugh.

But it would not last.
Humor is only fleeting.
And that's my downfall.

I stare too much, and
I am the fart in the wind
and other bitches.

Whatever we do.
All becomes just rust and dust.
So I stare at busts.

Yes, I mean boobies.
And sometimes I smoke doobies.
I wear no rubies.

Hey, at least it rhymed.
You find meaning in poems.
But I, sir, do not.

I am wasting time.
And that's what we're all doing.
But I admit it.

Timothy McVeigh,
and, yes, Mother Theresa.
We're all time wasters.

History won't last.
History becomes itself.
All is forgotten.

I see the big wave.
All I want to do is ride.
To the stars and back.

In a million years
no one will remember me
or these dumb haiku.

Unless there's a hell.
There my poems will be read
to punish sinners.

But I don't believe.
But I do want to believe.
My mind won't let me.
Haiku # 50133, September 13, 2013 7:47 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of Too bad we can't post our naked pics on here.
what tales does a dead
man tell but what his life was
that lead to his death

the tombs of egypt
or the ruins, babylon
dead sea scrolls, the times

of history are
a record of dead lives that we
all shall be, and those

ahead of us will
see our wisdom and our fool's
errands in the sand
Haiku # 50132, September 13, 2013 12:34 am ET
by vhs
I see this guy as
the protester who wants to
be beaten, so he

can go martyr and
so on, aren't we fucking all
to our pet causes

rotting bodies in
tombs, empty of cause or thought
or belief, all our end
Haiku # 50131, September 13, 2013 12:32 am ET
by vhs
my face rots off and
yet I say nothing and death
may come for me soon
Haiku # 50130, September 13, 2013 12:29 am ET
by vhs
and to close as some
guy thinks to think I don't know
well i don't know, and

I care too much, but
I am a voice in the wind
and other cliches

I don't know him and
he doesn't know me the whole
web world experience
Haiku # 50129, September 13, 2013 12:29 am ET
by vhs
Whitecaps on the bay:
A broken signboard banging
In the April wind.
Haiku # 50128, September 12, 2013 8:19 pm ET
by Richard Wright (not the one from Pink Floyd)
Over the wintry
forest, winds howl in rage
with no leaves to blow.
Haiku # 50127, September 12, 2013 8:15 pm ET
by Soseki
An old silent pond...
A frog jumps into the pond,
splash! Silence again.
Haiku # 50126, September 12, 2013 8:14 pm ET
by Basho
*sing, not sign.
W's the only multi-
syllable letter.
Haiku # 50125, September 12, 2013 8:11 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
a b c d e
f g h i j k l
m n o p

q r s t u
v w x y z
now i know my a

b c's next time won't
u sing with me? Hell, no way!
I won't sign with you!
Haiku # 50124, September 12, 2013 8:09 pm ET
by too silly
My rectum hangs down.
About 1 inch past asshole.
It bleeds when I shit.

Part of getting old.
It's now difficult to wipe.
So I use water.

Wiping Asian style.
Water down your crack and scrub.
Saves toilet paper.
Haiku # 50123, September 12, 2013 12:52 pm ET
by DF of Wow... are these BAD haiku or what???
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >