some guy named forest
gump sat on a bench and said
life is like a box

and he was stupid
or so they said but he was
buddha, 1990s

from freaking alabama

Poetry is dumb.
Like, it's just so like stupid.
It's like, y'know, dumb.

It is a pleasure to
Be greeted by
Harry in the morning

Country music is
not uncivilized. Problem's
the whiny twang sound.

Cat steps on my boob
She puts all her weight on it
Oww oww oww oww oww!

remember sarcasm
how it seems dead in the face of
jingoistic youth

estoy buscando
una mujer hermosa
con bonita tetas

Find three words from a
Medical Dictionary
P.h.D. that's me

My farts do not stink.
They often smell like perfume.
May I fart on you?

unstoppable force
meets unmovable object
wonder which will win

rogue teacher for hire
i will do your math homework
and you can play games

Silenced fiddles,
unstrung, unglued -- the fiddlers
felled in genocide

Spent old bachelor
coughing into the cold night
nude posters hanging

The chirp of crickets
and the flickering of stars
make the perfect night

conscientious boy
who's taken Yosemite sticks
in letter; gives back

a world without a
twitter or facebook and I
just don't get the thrill

staid poster of che
rotting in the back of the old
coffee shoppe, collects...

dust

Leper's Poem

Today my penis fell off and onto my shoe.
So I picked it back up and reattached it with glue.
But then as I did, my hand fell off too.
Now when I get an erection I wave "Yoo hoo!"
What will you do if I wave it at you?
Will you laugh, scream, or run away? Or maybe you'll like it, maybe you'll stay.
Maybe you want to be dismembered fisted.
Shit, I'm twisted.
Black-listed bastard.
"Evade Dave" is "Evade Dave" Backward.

Rip... a hole in your bath water.
Scream... into it the first thought that pops in to the corn on your foot long
Dick Tracy paper doll.
Painted... just like a whore.
Crying... for more.
Screaming... into the bath.
Talking... to the soap.
Up... a rope.
Don't... bend over, Ben Dover.
There... are no baths in prison.
Only... showers.
No... one to talk to.
The... soap is lye and the soap lies when you talk to it.
(don't... talk to it.)
Keep... your mouth shut and you won't go to the hole.
And... they won't go to your hole.
Keep... the gaze of the psycho; it's your only protection.
Don't... ever let them know you're human.
Laugh... when you should cry.
Smile... when you're serious.
Live... when you should die.
Peacefully... talk delirious.
Bite... things.
Everything.
Sharpen... your teeth.
Keep... deadly weapons close at hand.
Preparing... for the final stand.

FREEDOM = DEATH!!!!!

undressed and distressed
drunk on hand sanitizer
all problems modern

with cynical insight
I am nostalgic for it
and am sick of fluff

You can f*** all night
Just click to buy viagra.
Make your wife happy.

life changes things some
even when we aren't ready
pretty much always

the happy ending
poses a question, what does
happen after "ever after..."

Wacky Monty Haiku

asteroid near miss
meteor over russia
snow falls in scottsdale

Led Zeppelin Reunion Haiku

led zep reunion
tour and new song recording
"wheelchair ramp to heaven"


yes, i know there are six syllables in the last line of my haiku but it doesn't work without the extra syllable.

have you forgotten
we're all supposed to hate
country music as

civilized civil
superior intellects
well forget that, where's

my merle haggard album

Building a building?
Could stand for one hundred years,
to remain building.

And that reCaptcha
I say holy fucking shit.
Third time is the charm

A strange place the internet
Humans, all toiling
Non-robotic spam

To the Ladies:

I'll write you a rhyme to tickle your ear.
Then pinch your bum to make you swear
and slap my face,
To my disgrace.
But, my! What a fine derriere!

Life suck, death swallows.
They should have sent
me to the gallows
when they had their chance.
With the dead I'll dance.
And laugh at he who follows.

I am here, yet I
am not here, I am never
I am not all here

if allen ginsburg
and jack kerouac had a
love child, two hearts BEAT?

Major Tom Meets Captain Kirk Haiku


Major Tom come in.
Ground Control to Major Tom.
Were is Captain Kirk?


Ground Control come in.
Major Tom to Ground Control.
Captain Kirk is dead!


Come in Major Tom.
Your signal's weak. Say again.
Is there something wrong?


Tom to Ground Control
There is nothing I can do
Captain Kirk is blue.


This is Ground Control
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Who killed Captain Kirk?


I killed Captain Kirk!
All ahead warp factor two.
This story is true.

Where's Spock?



Inspired by "Space Oddity" by David Bowie
and "Where's Captain Kirk" by SpizzEnergy

Much snow fell today
Roads are not cleared tonight
Certain crash, car dies

The trash cans do smell badly
Summer heat is not helping
Bad nausea comes

the pope resigned and
peter the roman comes? this
just might be the end

well I'm shocked but I'm
also annoyed, because gen x
ate itself whilst slacking

if that's not cannibalism I don't
know what is

old habits die hard
I can stop at any time
cannibalism

seems like the old
erase the viagra rootkit
adds needs to get out

I feel like I'm a
breaking record and I need
to take the needle off

woe. whoah... a mourning.
the best tribute to demise?
a poignant silence.

World's worst poetry
can be downloaded right here.
Just click on the link

Seriously, it's a sick disturbing/humorous novel with very bad poems interspersed throughout.
Hope you hate it. ;-)
evi1-a novel about you

Wife quit birth control.
I now have to use condoms.
My penis is sad.

Here's a grotesque joke.
You know what's an ICBM?
It's a frozen turd.


Get it? ICBM: icy BM
Well, at least it's not Cialis!

by the way folks of
toronto, you have a
korova milk bar

not quite like the one
in white plains, new york but
horrorshow, really

I am tired of
being paranoid about
america gone mad

bookstores closing down
data mining prevalent
and it gets in the

way of my real creative desires

girlfriend wanted:
girl next door type; smart, sexy
loves giving haiku

My farts are divine.
From my ass wholly holy,
comes the wind of God.