The future will be
exactly like the past, but
far more expensive


-- Thanks to John Sladek for the inspiration for this Bad Haiku

Haiku that disgusts
Fun, sometimes, othertimes no
The fucking fuckers

i hope yer happy
please let the door hit your ass
oh and, fuck you too.

you are a shithead
you bitchfucked lying ass wad
fuck you and your life

fuck you you fucker
i fucking hate you asshole
rot in hell and die

Dig your leather seats
Autoerotic friction
Sorry 'bout the stains

did you get what you
wanted to steal selfishly?
that crushed me badly.

Heading for a fall?
Are you stringing me along?
My heads in a spin

She says have patience
Signs her Emails Love x x
Say it please say it

Smoothing your troubles
Oiled, sated, untroubled sleep
Silently I leave

I did her
so i did Milos too
I the American hero

whole night and a bag of chips
yeah it was Miloses wife
and a mother too

Beer cans at my feet
Slayer echoes from the dark
Heavy, dude, heavy

Comprehension gone
You

Gregorian chant
Aprils the cruellest of months
Promise not fulfilled
*
Impatient I wait
Green warmth just out of my reach
So close yet so far

Promised ecstasy
Pleasure flooding my body
Gentle you touched me
*
Fulfilling desires
The worlds pulling away
Fading to dissolve
*
We float on desire
Drifting souls in harmony
Music of angels

caressed by saline
massaged by tendrils of kelp
laughed at by penguins

Weekend of wonder
Greeted in follow me home and
Fuck me! Sparkling shoes
*
Suspenders, stockings
Sensual sexy outfit
A smile to die for
*
Your gift just for me
I

Your treasured pink gift
Protected in my pocket
Your heart in my hand

I fly my stunt kite

Above Will Hung

Laughter crease us
We shake and cry, bent double
In our joyfulness!

Clouds of sheep grazing
Emerald lush-green hill-sky
Earth becomes heaven

Ramshackle morning
Numerous sheep in bondage
Sado-husbandry

A friendly retard
clamping his mouth to my head
sucks out an eyeball.

The butler enters.
"If I may make so bold, Sir?
Your head is on fire."

Lolliplop billboard
features Paris Hilton with
number two mustache

It startled me when
a familiar face peeked out
from behind that bush

she's been invited
the brown haired ungainly girl
wears an ugly dress

far worse than squalor
intellectual pallor
wears an ugly dress

next marketing coup
dark brown toffee swirled on sticks
sold as lollyplops

Chant begins to rise
murmor turns into a roar
Feed us the fetus!

Frozen internet
circa two-thousand and three
some new 'other stuff'?

Lawrence Welk angels
sing in tight sequined dresses
grandpa filled a sock

Seven hundred cats
trained in the lethal black arts
deliver justice

The butt-plug lethal
220 Volts done
stirred his insides up

sick vomit haiku
don't want you to keep that up
rather keep it down

human drainage tubes
provide exit avenues
for body fluids

spinning like marbles
fluttering like insect wings
an itchy glass eye

rusted tumbled trash
see squallor running downhill
a law of nature

bad like morning breath
like gangrene like abcess like
pseudomonas phlegm

Norton and Card leave
this sinking ship, no worries
lame ducks still can float

drunken vomit prose
is a step in the right dir-
ection. keep it up

Young woman last night
36inch inside leg
Her height made her shy
*
So happy to dance
I could see she was lonely
I got her to smile
*
Told her, close your eyes
Just let the music take you
She danced and had fun
*
Sad look gone she shined
The best lure towards men.

Above the traffic
Drifts sweet melodic bird song
For my ears only

It

Searching dark corners
I try to make the words dance
But they won

Little worried but
Is that bad enough Janis?
We try to please you

Try this chat up line
Do you have English in you? (No)
Great would you like some?
(Substitute your own nationality)

my drunken vomit
remains on the bedroom floor
till you clean it up

confused Dan Quayle goes
Cheney hunting, bags Secret
Service man instead

Why pay for dog food?
Just let him scavenge behind
abortion clinics.