Lolliplop billboard
features Paris Hilton with
number two mustache

It startled me when
a familiar face peeked out
from behind that bush

she's been invited
the brown haired ungainly girl
wears an ugly dress

far worse than squalor
intellectual pallor
wears an ugly dress

next marketing coup
dark brown toffee swirled on sticks
sold as lollyplops

Chant begins to rise
murmor turns into a roar
Feed us the fetus!

Frozen internet
circa two-thousand and three
some new 'other stuff'?

Lawrence Welk angels
sing in tight sequined dresses
grandpa filled a sock

Seven hundred cats
trained in the lethal black arts
deliver justice

The butt-plug lethal
220 Volts done
stirred his insides up

sick vomit haiku
don't want you to keep that up
rather keep it down

human drainage tubes
provide exit avenues
for body fluids

spinning like marbles
fluttering like insect wings
an itchy glass eye

rusted tumbled trash
see squallor running downhill
a law of nature

bad like morning breath
like gangrene like abcess like
pseudomonas phlegm

Norton and Card leave
this sinking ship, no worries
lame ducks still can float

drunken vomit prose
is a step in the right dir-
ection. keep it up

Young woman last night
36inch inside leg
Her height made her shy
*
So happy to dance
I could see she was lonely
I got her to smile
*
Told her, close your eyes
Just let the music take you
She danced and had fun
*
Sad look gone she shined
The best lure towards men.

Above the traffic
Drifts sweet melodic bird song
For my ears only

It

Searching dark corners
I try to make the words dance
But they won

Little worried but
Is that bad enough Janis?
We try to please you

Try this chat up line
Do you have English in you? (No)
Great would you like some?
(Substitute your own nationality)

my drunken vomit
remains on the bedroom floor
till you clean it up

confused Dan Quayle goes
Cheney hunting, bags Secret
Service man instead

Why pay for dog food?
Just let him scavenge behind
abortion clinics.

The haiku 'round here
Has been way too good lately
Bring quality down

A co-worker slumps
his stack of letter useless
PC Load A4

He sits at our side
Eternally awaiting
Time passing him by

Take comfort from life
We

a side of human
looks quite like a side of beef
except for the arm

ephemeral light
flickering behind his eyes
soon it will be gone

small vee pressed in mud
a faint arrangement of leaves
it leads to water

pink earthworms pushing
up between the roots and dirt
blind straining toward light

Danced with my lady
Awkward at first but felt my
Rhythm returning

At Salsa last night
I was so stiff, not rhythmic
Not danced for two weeks

Searching surroundings
A house for Fabulosa
Last piece of jigsaw?

A space to live in
Uncompromised promises
A place to renew

To dream of living
A view to inspiration
This new sanctuary

All hail to great Ash
As ever straight to the point
How do you do it?

apostasy now
hanafi is hanafi
don't hound that afghan

it's off the planet
suddenly the sun gets mooned
totally eclipsed

Pretty nifty site,
of the truly cringeworthy.
Worst. Haiku. Evar!

Angry co-worker:
he asks "PC Load Letter?
the fsck does that mean?!"

In my cubicle,
most precious thing in my life.
Shiny red stapler...

From my old office,
I could look outside and see
merry squirrels at play.

I.T. dark ages,
trying to write a DOS batch file.
Abort, retry, fail...

While using Windows
I tried to change the font size.
The system has crashed.

In sov'iet Russia
Really bad haiku writes you!
Sorry about that! :P

'twas cynicism
or rampant drug ingestion
no further haiku

Return to childhood
and jab with your yellow straws
the juice box cometh

Drowning twenty feet
from shore; Nixon throws me just
fifteen-foot of rope.