If life gives you poop
Make some kind of fruity
Beverage.

the idea of sex with
that woman makes, well
abstince look erotically appealing

I did not have sexual relations with
That woman, maybe a little fingering and the occasional teabag but no sex.

if shit happens, flush it
and close the lid on the toilet

Jesus Christ, the guy
needs to move out, get a girlfriend
or boyfriend, and keep it God
damn legal

Snap winter return.
The short spring inspired hope like
all false promises.

If there's a forest
And there's a pink elephant
Does it make a sound?

considering the
news on the tube, times have changed
from those special reports
on Bill Clinton's sex life

Check out her flesh
Baby's soft and infantile
A nice diaper too.

is that glass full of water
or is the water inside the glass
full? shakes head self assuredly
at witty ko'an

what is the sound of one hand
doing that thing it does
to cheap porns?

ah, God, if I run
to the Golden Arches for
More doublecheeseburgers?

"I need a Jr, Whappahr?"

All the Zen roshis
Are rolling in their graves because
Of Dharma Bums.

there is a time for
kind words then there is a time
for smashing the head of some
16 year old mall rat eavesdropping on your game in the arcade into the wall
to serve pest control purposes

My eyes unfocus
until parts become a whole;
like dying, perhaps.

My advice then is
To get off the computer
And go for a jog.

Sheesh, what if Beat
what masturbation, and
someone burned On the Road...

again?

Thank God for the shock
we can only take so much, awe.
these people who write these haikus

are experienced at explosions of words and flaming references to babylon

Rapist to his son:
"You're not a man till you've tossed
Paraplegic salad."

Sex, that's quite funny actually
trouble is I'm overweight
and like double cheeseburgers

but fat is very sad, I know

As the old Book of Books
goes on course again, a book of wars and judgements

who wrote the damn thing
and when's the sequel?

The last one was actually mine.

Now how do they deal with sodomites in New Hampshire?

damn it lee, you got
so much pressure at home
too distracted for POWs

and those slain at home
go wave a flag, run a cd over
protest, burn a candle

meaningless to deal with
empty stress and still
sin the deeps sins

I'm a sodomite
hey!!

I have buck teeth...
hey!!!!!

Annoyed molester
"Can you keep it down? I'm
Trying to rape in here!"

Buck tooth sodomite
Can't escape the pull of
Blackhole's gravity.

Who else masturbates
To the weather channel? Oh
Voluptuous cloud.

Bush forgot to ask
his pals Rumsfeld and Cheney
"you want fries with that?"

Boycott US goods?
It'll last till that first bite
of Das Kraut Burger

They all burn our flag,
Chant "Death to America"
but buy Eminem.

I am the haiku
That enjoys talking about
Its own construction.

Stupid therapist
How can mind ever know about
Its own mental health?

The following statement is true:
The above statement is false.
Life is paradox.

"Whoop!" cries the monkey
"Whoop!" it cries over again
A clever monkey

First Afghanistan,
Next Iraq, Then squeeze Iran,
And mop-up mideast.

What colour your thoughts
Green child of the universe
Unclouded light blue?

These damn haiku are
addictive. I wish I'd ne'er
found this haiku site.

Respect the Vietnam Vet
Being tortured by the Viet Cong,
The Viet Cong Rock the house baby!

Respect the Viet Cong,
They tortured us real good-like,
They are smart and KEWL..

Give me a monkey
That jumps high and says "Whoop! Whoop!"
And I'll build a fridge

Bzzzz brrpp ooh ha ha!
the robot merrily squeals
grinding on your skull

Give me a robot
orange and polka dotted
and I'll sing a song

That's interesting
Tactics are fear and terror
Just like he wanted

suculents are plants
that need more sun light than care
less likely to die

can you write haiku?
once you understand how to,
it's very easy.

Eternal Boasting
This spring day, young men fighting
Barbed Self-confidence
.
Suddenly falls down
Dying, mother on his lips
Rushing pain, peace waits
.
Clouded sick visions
It takes him a month to die
Peace waits ruefully
.
Family laments
His much too short life a waste
Miss you son good by
.
Alone in old age
They ask what would they have been
Our grandchildren

outside my window
ev'rything looks much the same
but the world has changed

Accurate bombing
Blindly small life vanishes
Debris fall like snow