Ahoy giant snail
Walking with your single foot
Leavng one footprint

Glazed in my mischief,
She smiled and said, your not Greg
and she promptly fled

I listen hard when
Art says, "What a dream I had..."
If There Was Such Love...

Come back happy, Come
back happy, Come back happy
Klegem, Klegem, Kleg

forks like a wishbone
handlebars like a moustache
mangled motorbike

And so today my
world it smiles, your hand in mine
we walk the miles, Thanks

Years of what iffs drown
In an effervescent pool
Of marriage doldroms

Rolling Too Conscious
Endless Nights of Sleeplessness
I Miss Suzy Q

Michelob Golden
Shameless plug for the beer that
I most love to chug

Fuck Sparrows and Snails

I''d rather be a
bulldog than a bone, yes I
would, but not for good.

Left Handed Communists?

...so, Simon says to
Garfunkel, "which hand do you
use to... ? Nevermind."

I tried to write a
sonnet, but I couldn''t feel
it. I like Haiku.

Jeremy Remy
Big old hairy pubic thatch
He is my hero

kenneth extension
watches too much tv, but
oh, what else to do?

Hewn from an ingot
Is this timepiece of the gods
And it doesn`t tick

Tell me Jennifer
Which part of the word "Haiku"
Don''t you understand?

so slow the server
haiku remains beyond sight
greyness on the screen

bimbos and haiku
a real dangerous combo
menage e'' twathole

Carefull with scissors
Chop that big seventies bush
OUCH! knicked the right one

My name is Peggy Sue,
His name was Johnny Lou.
Our love was very new
We didn''t know what to do.

It was summer of ''67
I thought I''d died and gone to heaven.
I thought I liked Kevin, but
I''d just broke up with a boy named Devi

Youth inserts penis
Into freshly baked dessert
Good job it`s not hot

Big sharks run amok
In Poseidon Adventure
Where''s Ernest Borgnine?

I see dead people
But it''s hardly surprising
I''m a mortician

Working like a dog
Can make you very tired
More money for booze

Haiku Paradox:
The more sincerely you try
The worse crap you write.

Thunder Stork I know
You are far away from home
Fear not, young Jedi

Tried to skate in town
Skateboard stopped, I forgot to
Stupid sidewalk cracks

The 3 Stooges Beer
Moe, Larry, Curly, not Shemp
Make wonderful brew

The scab starts to form
Over wounds I never had
Aching deep inside

I say kill the fuck!
Your bike is an extension
of your own being.

so they found the bike
although it was a bit bent
not unlike myself

Got to take a dump
Hey doggie, fetch the paper
This might take a while

indian mynahs
building that nest yet again
know death awaits you

stolen motorbike
the toy i used to possess
revs up someone else

So I passed him by
then turned to look at his hand.
The fuck flicked me off!

I said, "what the fuck?!"
"You need to lead or follow!"
"Naw......just move grampy!"

On the road of life
I passed an old man today
And he got pissed off!

The Big Blue Marble.......
It''s a sensory highlight
If you see it right.

See the Wa-Ta-Ta
Flapping in the Autumn breeze.
Pull your shorts up kid!

I once considered
suicide, but then I saw
an American Flag

Deep in the shadows
Zephyr fondles the dead leaves
Giving Fall its Name

Virgin so Tempted
Stand upon ye pedestal
And laugh at our Hell

Kenneth, Shaggydog,
Scrunty and Ash, Tony''s Gramp
Hollywood, Yall Come

Simon, Garfunkel
I''m lefthanded, and that is
The true hand to use

I will Continue
to Continue to pretend
That life will NOT end

Spit out the gristle
Mom and Dad handed to you
And chew your own bone

Bad Haikuism
Is a major work of art
That can''t be mastered

Bad Haikuism
Is Jibberish with scant form
and Boneheadedness

Bad Haikuism
Spouting Tourretical Bull
To cherish bad taste

Bad Haikuism
Is it''s own witty

Big bug up her ass
If only I was that bug
I would fucking bite!

Ah! So beautiful
The full moon rising tonight...
Like big gazonga.

I can''t stand this job,
I can''t stand this fucking life...
So who gives a shit?