so they found the bike
although it was a bit bent
not unlike myself

Got to take a dump
Hey doggie, fetch the paper
This might take a while

indian mynahs
building that nest yet again
know death awaits you

stolen motorbike
the toy i used to possess
revs up someone else

So I passed him by
then turned to look at his hand.
The fuck flicked me off!

I said, "what the fuck?!"
"You need to lead or follow!"
"Naw......just move grampy!"

On the road of life
I passed an old man today
And he got pissed off!

The Big Blue Marble.......
It''s a sensory highlight
If you see it right.

See the Wa-Ta-Ta
Flapping in the Autumn breeze.
Pull your shorts up kid!

I once considered
suicide, but then I saw
an American Flag

Deep in the shadows
Zephyr fondles the dead leaves
Giving Fall its Name

Virgin so Tempted
Stand upon ye pedestal
And laugh at our Hell

Kenneth, Shaggydog,
Scrunty and Ash, Tony''s Gramp
Hollywood, Yall Come

Simon, Garfunkel
I''m lefthanded, and that is
The true hand to use

I will Continue
to Continue to pretend
That life will NOT end

Spit out the gristle
Mom and Dad handed to you
And chew your own bone

Bad Haikuism
Is a major work of art
That can''t be mastered

Bad Haikuism
Is Jibberish with scant form
and Boneheadedness

Bad Haikuism
Spouting Tourretical Bull
To cherish bad taste

Bad Haikuism
Is it''s own witty

Big bug up her ass
If only I was that bug
I would fucking bite!

Ah! So beautiful
The full moon rising tonight...
Like big gazonga.

I can''t stand this job,
I can''t stand this fucking life...
So who gives a shit?

Kay Sarah Sarah
Harmonica Monica
Cum Bye Ya A Lot

Those things are heavy
Just put wings on a building
...airplanes... are a bitch!

let me calculate your pi
check out my square root
math is the language of love

a cock in the hand
is not like two in the bush
clean-up really sucks

I got to get gone
Life waits out my back window
like a good hard dump

Halloween Candy,
Children, and Jack O'' Lanterns
Hit and Run Remnants

Sex raps at my door
Like a Top 40 doo wop
Fugetabaddit!!

She lives with passion
Searching for the words of past
To fill future books

Urine-slicked bathrooms
At the local McDonalds
are quite dangerous

Natural Ice Beer
There isn''t much that tastes worse
But it gets you drunk

For all you X-Philes
New season starts on Sunday
The truth is out there

A falling snowflake
Settles on my tongue and tastes
Like dirty water

If I were Buffy
I''d stay at home all the time
Playing with myself

At death, freeze my head
Cryogenic afterlife
New world, future shock

Old man is senile
Machine body, mind of bytes
Reboot my grandpa

Electric Toothbrush
Removes all the plaque from those
Hard to reach places

Your computer screen
Isn''t feeding, it''s frying
Try turning it off

All technology
Only hides us from the truth
Ruth (single, horny)

The blackness descends
Like a carpet wrapped round an
Iraqi hostage

Yay it`s Hallowe`en!
Pass me that bowl of sweeties
And the Valium.

I just met a man
Whose fingers smelled of kebabs,
Or so he told me.

Your epiglottis,
Your globus hystericus
Moves. Is something wrong?

My favourite tree
Dropped all its leaves yesterday.
My favourite tree.

The hours trundle past
Like those clubland refugees
In the toilet queue.

The clocks have gone back.
But where on Earth have they gone?
Where? Clock Ibiza?

genshi bakudan!
such a justification.
such a price. who paid?

You haven''t been born
until you get out of town
and see where you''re from

UMPIRES ROBBED US
THE RED SOX ARE THE REAL CHAMPS!!!
THE YANKEES SUCK DICK

Rock n Roll Pete, why?
You spineless cape living dink
Rock no more pee teeth!

Black and White Snuggler
"Momma, Momma, let''s hug him!!"
Grinning like a shark

"Be Careful, Brittney"
Rolled over, soft tummy up
"I''ll give him a rub!!"

Rending claws gouge flesh
Hot salty blood courses out
Gurgles quietl