BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
28 Days
and
61247 Haikus
later...
Sir, the choice is yours
Desert Death/Penis Ice Pick
The Iceman Cometh
Haiku #61197, by Last time
December 4, 2018 11:29 pm ET

Because they are smart,
I will not eat octopi.
Future sentient.

Could be that one day
they'll be eating our offspring,
jests how gross we look.
Haiku #61196, by df
December 4, 2018 10:11 pm ET

Better if they're live.
Live tentacles can choke you.
Swallow them and die.

Revenge of the squid.
Its ink will write your obit.
What a joke you'll be.
Haiku #61195, by df
December 4, 2018 10:06 pm ET

Weird Japanese snack:
Grilled tentacle on a stick.
(Suckers for sea-food.)
Haiku #61194, by Anonymous Poet
December 4, 2018 11:12 am ET

Don't forget panties.
Worn panty vending machines.
Samurai offspring.
Haiku #61193, by df
December 4, 2018 1:36 am ET

Japanese are weird.
Get too excited about
Shopping and strange food
Haiku #61192, by Anonymous Poet
December 3, 2018 4:18 pm ET

OFF Kanagawa.
Hawaiians would have surfed it.
Japanese are punks.
Haiku #61191, by df
December 3, 2018 4:23 am ET

Check out CNN
Great Wave of Kanagawa
Featured there today
Haiku #61190, by Sk
December 3, 2018 12:15 am ET

Problem is can't lie
Like George Washington. Cherry tree.
Bad breath. Wooden teeth
Haiku #61189, by Martha PacificNorthwestington
December 2, 2018 11:37 pm ET

Say you're a victim!
You can get tons of money!
Buy lots of dildos.
Haiku #61188, by FIGPUCKER, FIGPUCKER, & FIGPUCKER Attorneys at Law
December 2, 2018 9:49 pm ET

Wasn't a victim
Jared only had six inch
I ordered foot long
Haiku #61187, by Go big or Go Home
December 2, 2018 7:15 pm ET

Ronald stole my soul.
That damn Monopoly game.
And, Christ, it was rigged!

Ronald McDonald
is, I am sure, the Devil.
Or the antichrist.

Still, that's better than
what Jarred had stole from you,
underage hooker.
Haiku #61186, by df
December 2, 2018 6:08 pm ET

Ronald McDonald
Stole your soul decades ago
Can't have it your way
Haiku #61185, by Burger King of Castle
December 2, 2018 3:42 pm ET

Poem McNuggets.
Will they taste better if you
dip them in my sauce?
Haiku #61184, by df
December 2, 2018 12:22 pm ET

The poet(s) in here
Anonymously leave behind
Nuggets of pure art
Haiku #61183, by Chatondetoille
December 2, 2018 9:20 am ET

vhs is darth
starkitten is someone else
anonymous who
Haiku #61182, by Taki Sukitofigan
December 2, 2018 8:44 am ET

Packed holiday fudge
For the priest and postman,
UPS Go Brown
Haiku #61181, by Quite A. Package of Left at Back Door
December 2, 2018 4:04 am ET

Twenty chickens have got loose inside my head and have shat all over the place and now matter how hard you try the stains won't come off the tile and now the Devil and all his friends are having a rave in there and the fucking awful techno music won't stop and the strobe lights and lasers make me want to gouge out my own eyes and it wouldn't be so bad if only they'd share just one little hit of acid those greedy fuckers!

Thanks for asking.
Haiku #61180, by df
December 2, 2018 3:34 am ET

Nothing's hidden here.
Bare as a porn star on set.
Solo performance.
Haiku #61179, by df
December 1, 2018 10:56 pm ET

Just one poet here
Just arguing with himself
Hiding behind poems
Haiku #61178, by Anonymous Poet
December 1, 2018 9:35 pm ET

Devouring souls,
writhing and screaming in pain,
like birds eating worms.

I know you're thinking
"Gummies are so bad for you."
High fructose demon.

The Savage Sword of
Conan the Barbarian.
Do you remember?
Haiku #61177, by df
December 1, 2018 6:13 pm ET

I've had many names.
Symphony for the Devil.
Or something like that.

I'm not vhs.
And I'm sure not "Starkitten".
That's too gay for me.

But does it matter?
Could be all the same poet.
Remember Sybil?

You just might be me.
And you wouldn't even know.
You sexy beast, you!
Haiku #61176, by Darth Figpucker
December 1, 2018 5:43 am ET

It must be one person
Because lowercase df
Is Darth Figpucker

Vhs or Darth
One of them is Starkitten
Almost positive
Haiku #61175, by Anonymous Poet
December 1, 2018 3:45 am ET

Get off this website.
Find someone to have sex with.
I bet you cannot.

And that's why you're here.
Trade insults like playing cards.
Lonely little troll.
Haiku #61174, by df
December 1, 2018 3:12 am ET

I can't help the fact
that shit comes out of my mouth;
I eat it all day.
Haiku #61173, by df
December 1, 2018 3:08 am ET

Oddball question here
Tips for removing grease stains
From walls and sofa
Haiku #61172, by Robot of Your living room
December 1, 2018 12:56 am ET

oddball question here
Do robots ejaculate?
If so, is it grease?
Haiku #61171, by Wonderer
November 30, 2018 11:49 pm ET

Free food and cold drinks
We have a few more prizes
To giveaway too

The prizes are farts
Spin the wheel of Bad Haiku
Don
Haiku #61170, by Poetic words of a great Poet
November 30, 2018 9:21 pm ET

Are they all the same one
The poets who submit here
It's just one person?
Haiku #61169, by Suki Takitofigan
November 30, 2018 7:59 pm ET

Starkitten funny
Decades of celibacy
Should have been a nun
Haiku #61168, by Starkitten
November 30, 2018 6:23 pm ET

Now Anglican hymns.
Now transcendence of Christmas.
Darth can dwell in shit.
Haiku #61167, by Once in Royal David's City
November 30, 2018 5:37 pm ET

Starkitten Haiku:
Sex on the brain and then some
Wet librarian
Haiku #61166, by Astral Feline Support
November 30, 2018 4:51 pm ET

Back End Breeze Blowing
Bad Ass Volcano Flowing
Brown Lava, Showing
Haiku #61165, by Anonymous Poet
November 30, 2018 2:57 pm ET

That Darth Figpucker
Conditioner Connoisseur
Slippery Fellow
Haiku #61164, by Anonymous Poet
November 30, 2018 2:55 pm ET

My friend Fickpucker
Skateboarding through life's manure
Sowing poem seeds
Haiku #61163, by Starkitten of Specific Northwest
November 30, 2018 2:15 pm ET

In brown italics
The poetry discharge hole
Self cleaning stink duct
Haiku #61162, by Salesman of Traveling
November 30, 2018 1:51 pm ET

Darth opens his mouth:
Fart. Steaming cascade of shit.
Same thing when Darth types.
Haiku #61161, by Figpucker Intervention Team
November 30, 2018 12:43 pm ET

Wrapped in swaddling clothes
Born with a full grown penis
Baby bono vox
Haiku #61160, by Ragamuffin of Ireland
November 30, 2018 11:16 am ET

Have poets always
been so confrontational?
Like fools to their king.

Asking for a friend
questioning an enema.
Fleet bisacodyl.

So it all comes out,
as the proctologists say,
in the bitter end.

"Looks like he's had his
grande latte enema."
A great movie quote.
Haiku #61159, by df
November 30, 2018 11:07 am ET

You say "shit no wit"
as if that is a bad thing.
Someone shat you out.

Shitting is hard work.
Be respectful to your mom.
She loves you, I'm sure.

She could have flushed you.
But she kept and nurtured you.
Like U2's Bono.

So I shit haiku.
Hey, I'm not shooting up schools.
Be thankful, wee turd.
Haiku #61158, by Mr. Hankey, Circle of Poo
November 30, 2018 9:07 am ET

Push suck push suck push
Push suck push Glunk flush glug swirl
Unclogged your terlit
Haiku #61157, by Darth's plumber of Darthville
November 30, 2018 6:10 am ET

Darth school of Haiku:
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, no wit.
Just shit upon shit.
Haiku #61156, by Sensei Figpucker
November 30, 2018 3:04 am ET

Spa time with my boo
Stinking up the joint right now
Gonna get trespassed
Haiku #61155, by Smelly
November 30, 2018 1:45 am ET

A beautiful mind
And he
Haiku #61154, by Now, what of Mensa Think Tank
November 29, 2018 7:53 pm ET

Haiku proportion:
Penis poems to "others"
is one over pi.

Theoretically.
The proof is hard to work out.
But you know it's true.

Tune in next week, kids.
I'll derive God's phone number.
He doesn't like text.
Haiku #61153, by df
November 29, 2018 5:28 pm ET

Sloppy cursive job
Illegible bachelor
Penis fountain pen
Haiku #61152, by Invisible ink of Dink
November 29, 2018 1:05 pm ET

Take zinc for your dink.
I think. In pill form or drink.
Live life on the brink.
Haiku #61151, by df
November 29, 2018 11:25 am ET

Cuntabulated.
For those busy prostitutes.
Vaginal spread sheets.
Haiku #61150, by df
November 29, 2018 11:22 am ET

Zink
Haiku #61149, by Stink
November 29, 2018 11:04 am ET

Think pink mink dink stink?
Pink dink slink. Pink stink dink. think.
Slink mink. Stink mink fink
Haiku #61148, by Anonymous Poet
November 29, 2018 11:03 am ET