BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
127 Days
and
63043 Haikus
later...
NyQuil Elmer Fudd
Fiddlesticks Fiddlesticks I
When I blow my nose
Haiku #63043, by She was annoying
March 19, 2019 7:50 pm ET

Skip the drinks for once
Try smelling strangers armpits
Intoxicating
Haiku #63042, by Onions of Pits
March 19, 2019 7:45 pm ET

Skip the drinks for once
Try smelling strangers
Haiku #63041, by Onions of Pits
March 19, 2019 7:44 pm ET

Through His Viewmaster
Sky Guy is always watching
He sure is a Hosehead
Haiku #63040, by Me of Bus
March 19, 2019 4:47 pm ET

Through His Viewmaster
Sky Guy is always watching
He sure is a Hosehead
Haiku #63039, by Me of Bus
March 19, 2019 4:46 pm ET

Through His Viewmaster
Sky Guy is always watching
He sure is a Hosehead
Haiku #63038, by Me of Bus
March 19, 2019 4:45 pm ET

Hey Darth--God IS real.
Therefore, repent of your sin
and you'll find mercy.
Haiku #63037, by May God Invade Your Dreams
March 19, 2019 4:40 pm ET

Beavis burning ants
with a magnifying glass.
God's Beavis, we're ants.
Haiku #63036, by df
March 19, 2019 12:07 pm ET

The world sucks so hard,
the only evidence that
God just might exist.

Beavis in the sky.
Invisible overlord
playing frog baseball.

And we are the frogs.
Put feet first in a blender.
See our expressions.
Haiku #63035, by df
March 19, 2019 12:01 pm ET

I wish God were real.
If he were, I'd join Satan.
But it's all bullshit.

What a shitty world.
Something a weirdo would make.
A real fucking nut.

A complete asshole.
Wholly Holy Assholey.
What a shit biscuit.
Haiku #63034, by df
March 19, 2019 11:57 am ET

Yes, considering
the organ with which I think,
that's probably true.
Haiku #63033, by df
March 19, 2019 11:24 am ET

You broke the law, sir
In a Public Library
Massaging your thoughts
Haiku #63032, by Librarians of Throw the book at him
March 19, 2019 10:27 am ET

The police stopped me.
I was walking down the street.
My thoughts were showing.
Haiku #63031, by df
March 19, 2019 10:05 am ET

WHENITYPEALLCAPSWITHOUTSPACESITMEANSMYKEYBOARDISBROKENANDITSTIMETOGETANEWCOMPUTERBUTIDON'THAVEENOUGHMONEYBECAUSEI'VEBEENSPENDINGITALLONDRUGSANDPROSTITUTES.
Haiku #63030, by DF
March 18, 2019 11:50 pm ET

Lonely Asian girls
They love your haiku long time
Penis Chia Pet
Haiku #63029, by French Kissing of Gates of Rae Dawn Chong
March 18, 2019 10:11 pm ET

Timberlake dance moves
Tyrannosaur sized boner
Ima yell"TIMBER"!
Haiku #63028, by WHENITYPEALLCAPS of IAMSCREAMING
March 18, 2019 9:09 pm ET

I'd like to own a
pet Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Fuck what Goldblum says.
Haiku #63027, by df
March 18, 2019 8:43 pm ET

To feel young again
jerk off to Suzanne Sommers
workout videos.

I'm thirteen years old!
But my wad's a bit smaller.
Office Coffee Mate.

If ever you're down,
be thankful you're not one of
my secretaries.
Haiku #63026, by df
March 18, 2019 8:40 pm ET

You got a boner
thinking about Timberlake?
Wow, that's pretty gay.
Haiku #63025, by df
March 18, 2019 7:46 pm ET

They took down my pic.
I've already been captured.
Damn ankle monitors.
Haiku #63024, by df
March 18, 2019 7:45 pm ET

Went to Post Office
Saw your picture on the wall
Came home. Wrote poem

Went outside again
Danced like Justin Timberlake
Got an erection
Haiku #63023, by Troll of Smurfville
March 18, 2019 7:04 pm ET

So when was the last time any of you poets left your mother's basement and went outside?
Or maybe down to the pub or a beer?
Or down to the local park to smear poo on the bathroom stall door?
Go on... get out. Post what you did here when you get back.

$15 happy ending.
Evacuated.
Empty.
Void.
Haiku #63022, by Anonymous Poet
March 18, 2019 6:52 pm ET

Autistic savant.
Calculates square root of pi.
Throws poo at poets.

Now personally
I think the latter is a
more useful talent.
Haiku #63021, by df
March 18, 2019 6:46 pm ET

God like a slumlord
Let Everything go to Hell
Come round for the rent
Haiku #63020, by When I use CAPITAL LETTERS of THAT MEANS I AM SCREAMING
March 18, 2019 4:43 pm ET

Truck driving preacher
Spoke of the Resurrection
Got an erection!
Haiku #63019, by I said pull over, Buddy of Not pull off
March 18, 2019 4:37 pm ET

The mathematician
Hard at work in the rest room
Making number two
Haiku #63018, by Based on my calculations of Human Calulator
March 18, 2019 3:59 pm ET

Mono podes
Haiku #63017, by I said
March 18, 2019 12:24 pm ET

ya sure ever knee
Double amputees, monopoles
Smelly arthritis
Haiku #63016, by Iva Faloen of Can
March 18, 2019 12:24 pm ET

Ever seen the Dude?
Was he 17 feet tall?
Knocking at your door
Haiku #63015, by Anonymous Poet
March 18, 2019 12:21 pm ET

Praise the Living God
There is a resurrection
Every knee will bow
Haiku #63014, by Your Cue to Blaspheme
March 18, 2019 10:07 am ET

What will it be now?
A seagull screech festival?
To be continued...
Haiku #63013, by Anonymous Poet
March 18, 2019 6:37 am ET

Just checked the oven
Haiku baked to perfection
Now adding Ex-Lax
Haiku #63012, by 4u
March 18, 2019 12:42 am ET

I found a shamrock
Might not be a lucky one
Made from fresh feces
Haiku #63011, by Bend Me over kiss a clover
March 17, 2019 8:36 pm ET

Digester s Reader
Shiterature Magazine
Worstsmelling Authors
Haiku #63010, by John Crapper of In Zee tank
March 17, 2019 8:19 pm ET

Digester
Haiku #63009, by John Crapper of In Zee tank
March 17, 2019 8:18 pm ET

Figpucker's Tales of
Sodomy, Pyrotechnics,
and Shenanigans.

Where can you find it?
Published by Reader's Digest.
Kills your Digestion.
Haiku #63008, by df
March 17, 2019 5:16 pm ET

Cornered beef sandwich
Not so fast with the mayo
Toreador, gored
Haiku #63007, by Al Gore by way of Starkitten of Rhythm Section
March 17, 2019 6:13 am ET

The click of the Colt
Archaic, deadly, savage
No blue steel- compares
Haiku #63006, by Cowboy Nobop of Cripple creek
March 17, 2019 4:33 am ET

The country I love
Changed to some other place
Hope it will survive
Haiku #63005, by Cowboy Nobop of Cripple creek
March 17, 2019 4:27 am ET

What the hell happened?
Youth gone changed to sorrow
Like a lightning flash
Haiku #63004, by Crazy Cloud of past gone
March 17, 2019 4:02 am ET

The Surprise Party
Pin the tail on the donkey
Lead them to your ass
Haiku #63003, by Fudge Smudge
March 17, 2019 1:40 am ET

I like that story
Send it to Reader's Digest
They should publish it
Haiku #63002, by More stories please, Uncle Darth of Circle time
March 17, 2019 12:38 am ET

Tootsie Roll rum balls.
That's an original thought.
Use One-fifty-one.

Bacardi's strong stuff.
Your rum balls like getting drunk
and eating some ass.
Haiku #63001, by df
March 17, 2019 12:35 am ET

One of my funniest memories is shooting a bottle rocket over the heads of a bunch of old people playing bridge at the local park recreation center one night. One of us held the door slightly ajar, I held the bottle rocket steady, and the other one of us lit the fuse. We ran away laughing like mad and didn't stop laughing for like two hours. It was awesome. But, sadly, no heart attacks like we were hoping for. Oh well.

Aren't I a work of art?! ;-)
Haiku #63000, by df
March 17, 2019 12:23 am ET

I once set off a
Saturn Missile Battery
in a shopping mall.

Cigarette delay
so that we can walk away
and watch from afar.
Haiku #62999, by Back in the days before cameras everywhere.
March 17, 2019 12:17 am ET

Stomping on cartons
can get you detention time
or lunch room duty.

And deaf kids hate it.
It fucks with their hearing aids.
Watch them writhe in pain.

You think it's funny.
It's not cool unless you're cruel.
Which I guess I am.
Haiku #62998, by df
March 17, 2019 12:14 am ET

I cum in yo bum.
I bust a nut in yo butt.
I spew in yo poo.

Satisfactory
deep down in yo Tootsie Roll
factory, per say.

I swear I'm not gay;
it's my nature to offend
way up yo back end.
Haiku #62997, by Garth Futtbucker is in serious need of of psychological counseling or a few stiff drinks. Anything but a cosmo!
March 17, 2019 12:10 am ET

Everything you write
Can/will be used against you
In a court of law.
Haiku #62996, by Miranda Da da DUM DUM of Dragnet
March 16, 2019 5:57 am ET

I'm at a truck stop
Really fun to watch the rigs
Pulling in and out
Haiku #62995, by Midget of Truck Stop
March 16, 2019 5:32 am ET

What would Jesus do?
Stomp on empty milk cartons
In the lunchroom? Boom!
Haiku #62994, by Gnarly sandals of
March 16, 2019 5:25 am ET