BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
21 Years
315 Days
and
59603 Haikus
later...
The perfect surprise
When they came out of hiding
"Happy Birthday, Gramps!"
Haiku #59603, by Starkitten of Portraits of Autumn
September 23, 2018 3:26 pm ET

He climbed down into
the outhouse shithole so he
could see vagina.
Haiku #59602, by
September 23, 2018 2:59 pm ET

Grandpa Ciderpants
Pressed for time. He's all business.
Sprint to the outhouse.
Haiku #59601, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest U pick Turd Orchard
September 23, 2018 2:04 pm ET

That's not good for you.
You might catch H I Voo Doo.
Or the blue waffles.
Haiku #59600, by Anonymous Poet
September 23, 2018 10:15 am ET

Do not write haiku.
You'll become gay if you do.
Then you might pound poo.
Haiku #59599, by df
September 23, 2018 10:12 am ET

Confabulation?
It's an abombination:
Infibulation.
Haiku #59598, by naming enemy, you cause power of enemy to weaken
September 22, 2018 9:25 pm ET

I got angry enough
to turn this off one time
and watch something die

I would let it die
and let it go, just spasm
a few more times then
Haiku #59597, by vhs
September 22, 2018 8:15 pm ET

look, I'm busy in
real life, I'm not as old as
you with the time there

if you keep it up
I might quite altogether
say fuck it and out

of real life fear just
delete everything and
break my laptop here

or annoyance I'm not sure
Haiku #59596, by vhs
September 22, 2018 8:12 pm ET

NOTEBOOK PAPER (SLAM!!)
WRITE SOME COCK A DOODY HAIKU
YOU DIRTY BIRDIES!!
Haiku #59595, by Pig biting mad of 2nd location I'm kidnapping you to
September 22, 2018 8:04 pm ET

Quiet as Jonestown here
A sea of tossed plastic cups
Drank Bad Haikul-Aid?
Haiku #59594, by Starkitten and John Boy Walton's Mole of Reporting Live
September 22, 2018 7:50 pm ET

I figured it out
You have to sit still longer
To write the poems
Haiku #59593, by Starkitten
September 22, 2018 7:10 pm ET

Haiku good for Earth
Less trees wasted on poems
More toilet paper
Haiku #59592, by Starkitten
September 22, 2018 7:01 pm ET

Bad Haiku like farts.
Essential. Pure Distilled oil.
Poem: Toilet coil
Haiku #59591, by JBWM
September 22, 2018 6:56 pm ET

Used to date poet
Tried to kill himself with pills
He had tiny feet
Haiku #59590, by Anonymous Poet
September 22, 2018 5:51 pm ET

What, no poets here?
You ALL fail to pass the test.
Haiku fails you now.
Haiku #59589, by failing to shine, you prove you are of the Darkness.
September 22, 2018 3:39 pm ET

Now, back to those clits:
Crying out for their owners
in Somalia . . .
Haiku #59588, by excising the clit, you make a poor argument of Islam
September 22, 2018 2:24 pm ET

I am sick of sex
(not the deed--but as Haiku).
I want POETRY!
Haiku #59587, by visiting my blog you will partake of poetry: www.connecthook
September 22, 2018 2:20 pm ET

We're true gentlemen
Just look at Mr. Seahorse!
Carrying babies
Haiku #59586, by Henry the Octopus formerly known as Ten Penny Henry the Octopus before he gave his mummified Penis to his wife for a Christmas P of Under the Sea
September 22, 2018 1:04 pm ET

Mummified Penis
Reminds me of O. Henry
Gift of the Magi

She kept it secret
Had her cunt sewed shut for you
...something's in my eye
Haiku #59585, by Starkitten 2nd box of Kleenex from crying over heartwarming holiday story of Ten Penny Henry on his 4th box of Kleenex for spooge
September 22, 2018 12:48 pm ET

Octopus Garden
Undersea.. um.. " Shrivelry "
To the Bathysphere!!
Haiku #59584, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
September 22, 2018 12:29 pm ET

Male octopi
will give their penis to their
mate for sex and snack.

I'd like to do that.
Would beat dealing with my wife.
Thinking about it.

Should I mummify
my shlong and present it as
a holiday gift?

And Van Gogh thought he
was so fucking romantic.
I think cocks beat ears.
Haiku #59583, by Darth Figpucker
September 22, 2018 6:06 am ET

Question for the boys
When an Octopus jerks off
Grab dink with 8 arms?
Haiku #59582, by Starkitten of Cloud 9
September 21, 2018 11:45 pm ET

Bring your French Tickler
I'll be waiting at airport
Captain Feathersword
Haiku #59581, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 11:41 pm ET

Henry Octopus
Fruit Salad..Mashed banana
Cephalopod Porn
Haiku #59580, by Starkitten of On top and Down Under
September 21, 2018 11:39 pm ET

The Church, The Wiggles
Two great bands from Down Under
Nudge Nudge and wink wink
Haiku #59579, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 11:37 pm ET

Your Haiku is large
Try low mileage vaginas
Ask for Starkitten
Haiku #59578, by Pacific Northwest Low Mileage Vaginas of Under the Milky Way Tonight
September 21, 2018 11:34 pm ET

Harrumph to you, good sir!
Harrumph, I say!
Haiku #59577, by Darth Figpucker, Esq.
September 21, 2018 11:23 pm ET

You should not sniff ass.
It is disgusting and wrong.
That is what dogs do.
Haiku #59576, by df
September 21, 2018 10:56 pm ET

I must hypothesize that Don Hertzfeldt's spoon and banana were symbols of a penis and vagina. Though no one would typically eat a banana with a spoon unless the banana was in cereal or perhaps mashed into some kind of dessert but I have heard sex referred to as "mashing" that pussy, so maybe the mashed banana was referring to a vagina needing to be mashed by a large penis.

My spoon is too big. My spoon is too big. My spoon is too big.
You can feel the frustration of having a penis that is too large and no woman would want it.
But then along comes the giant walking banana.
I am a banana.
And everything is set right with the world. The giant walking banana can be mashed and eaten by the giant spoon. Or the enormous gaping snatch finally finds a penis worthy of its incredibly wide diameter.
Haiku #59575, by df
September 21, 2018 10:55 pm ET

Our library card?
Why, yes. It's pink and quite hard
I'll check your pocket
Haiku #59574, by Starkitten Very helpful librarian
September 21, 2018 8:48 pm ET

Starkitten Movie
Starring James Caannilingus
Cumming soon near you!
Haiku #59573, by Starkitten of Director's Chair
September 21, 2018 8:43 pm ET

Once upon a squirt
Cunnilingus in a yurt
A bedtime haiku
Haiku #59572, by Starkitten of Library of Moisture
September 21, 2018 8:25 pm ET

Sun has set here on
Bad Haiku - good night good night
Wake up less evil
Haiku #59571, by Sparklepony, MD
September 21, 2018 6:50 pm ET

Gardening at night
Grab it by the stipe
Phallic Murshroom Hunt
Haiku #59570, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 6:01 pm ET

Babylon a FALL.
Babylon shall not prevail.
JAH Rasta soon come . . .
Haiku #59569, by the rivers of Babylon kiss my ass
September 21, 2018 5:59 pm ET

When my Celia walks
your mama loses her shit.
Celia rules. You lose.
Haiku #59568, by forswearing the beauty of Celia, you seal your doom.
September 21, 2018 5:52 pm ET

Forget libraries.
We're talking about rebirth.
Can't you just wake up?
Haiku #59567, by waking up, you increase the probability of a better future
September 21, 2018 5:46 pm ET

Calling all bookworms
Do-Me Decimal System
Put to good use here
Haiku #59566, by Starkitten Extra Friendly Librarian of No Jacket or pants required
September 21, 2018 5:34 pm ET

Alpha Centauri
Beta masquerading cuck
Cut his balls off. NOW.
Haiku #59565, by calling out the cucks, there is hope of national rebirth
September 21, 2018 5:29 pm ET

Don't you dare touch my
Celia - or I'll have to
Dissolve your ego
Haiku #59564, by Fun Guy of Mush Room
September 21, 2018 5:21 pm ET

Outstanding in field
The centaur of attention
Named to Hall of Oats
Haiku #59563, by Starkitten of Magic Gate
September 21, 2018 5:14 pm ET

Slip it in your slot?
After all, it's overdue.
In library? Fine . . .
Haiku #59562, by the bated breath of a bibliophile
September 21, 2018 4:31 pm ET

Wild horse meets tame horse
And notices the rider
Quite an expression
Haiku #59561, by Sign of Sagittarius
September 21, 2018 4:26 pm ET

Hectic day again
Self employed Librarian
Try my new book slot
Haiku #59560, by Starkitten Order of Moist and Smiling Librarians of Cunnilingus Nook of the Pacific Northwest
September 21, 2018 4:24 pm ET

Come on, walk right through
Starkitten expecting you
Law of Bad Haiku
Haiku #59559, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 4:11 pm ET

Hood of your car, Babe
Drive through a crowd. New Year's Eve.
Show them your Dick Clark
Haiku #59558, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 2:45 pm ET

Geriatric stunt
Spelunking in Grandma's Cunt
Fallen. Can't get up.
Haiku #59557, by Staritten of Retirement Home for Aged Haiku Poets
September 21, 2018 2:10 pm ET

Punch the juke box,Fonz
Happy Days are here again!
Drive In Circle Jerk!!
Haiku #59556, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 2:07 pm ET

Ocean Getaway
Buried in sand. Head sticking out.
FREAKING LITTERBOX!!
Haiku #59555, by Starkitten and friends
September 21, 2018 2:01 pm ET

Don't be embarrassed
Pull your pants down now, my friend
Best haiku is short
Haiku #59554, by CeilingCat of Look up when you're pulling taffy
September 21, 2018 1:55 pm ET