Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 314 Days and 72142 Haikus later...

They're already here
They're called space aliens, dude
Kiss your ass goodbye
Haiku # 71941, September 11, 2021 8:05 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
The light has gone out.
The Old Hope has fallen.
Repent TicTok man, said Harley Quinn.
Haiku # 71940, September 11, 2021 5:16 am ET
by They are coming.
Born and raised in hypocrisy.
Please tell me what that's like.
To believe that lies are strength.
Haiku # 71939, September 11, 2021 5:09 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
You seem awfully desperate to prove my insanity.
Yet my insanity at least has some ethics.
Your rules and laws do not.
Such systems cannot last.
Nor the people in them.
Haiku # 71938, September 11, 2021 5:06 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
You wouldn't get it.
There is no need to explain.
We'll die soon enough.
Haiku # 71937, September 11, 2021 3:53 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I arranged my feet
to resemble a mermaid
in case you're half fish
Haiku # 71936, September 11, 2021 2:17 am ET
by Starcatfish of Ocean
Have you ever seen
someone with a liquid ass
that sloshes around?
Haiku # 71935, September 11, 2021 2:10 am ET
by Are they aliens?
You never explained
your relationship with fish.
They are your brothers?
Haiku # 71934, September 11, 2021 1:53 am ET
by Sk
I don't need to bend.
My butthole's like a fire hose.
I will douse your blaze.

As I said before,
when alien queen lays eggs,
that's me going poop.

Thank God for bidets!
Makes cleanup way easier
than Effing TP.
Haiku # 71933, September 11, 2021 1:02 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
If you bend over
Can you see your own asshole?

I might need glasses
Haiku # 71932, September 11, 2021 12:25 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Run away from home
Bandana tied to a stick
(to hold your Fleshlights)
Haiku # 71931, September 10, 2021 10:17 pm ET
by Kitten of Stars
Up in the mountains
they will often eat dog stew.
It tastes just like beef.

Nobody eats cats.
That's just not very healthy.
Even Flippos know.
Haiku # 71930, September 10, 2021 10:01 pm ET
by Only Chinese are that dumb. of Bat soup covid origins.
Having corona
in the Philippines is good;
you won't smell the stench.

Dead dogs, sidewalk poop,
sewer canals, pee puddles,
JolliBee chicken.

*Cough, cough!* You're welcome.
Dying would beat living here.
You know that it's true!
Haiku # 71929, September 10, 2021 9:55 pm ET
by Bawal Umihi Dito. of Nothing like rancid frying oil.
The end of this book
is finally approaching
and it should be burned.
Haiku # 71928, September 10, 2021 9:41 pm ET
by And the ashes buried with nuclear waste. of Because my life is so toxic.
Trying to get out.
Being held hostage by all
the criminals here.

Not hiding at all.
Everyone knows where I am.
But nobody cares.
Haiku # 71927, September 10, 2021 9:37 pm ET
by Except the gutter pig. Sensitive caring animals, those pigs. of More than the Flipos at any rate.
Why wait 'till Hump Day?
New, unfiltered cameltoes
Always smokin' hot!
Haiku # 71926, September 10, 2021 9:20 pm ET
by Paid Advertisement
Hey C.I.A. Joe:
Lick my ass, you sad old man.
Political cl(ass) . . .
Haiku # 71925, September 10, 2021 8:43 pm ET
by Transparent Elections of Techno - HELL
A dirty gutter
But a shiny turdcutter
Mystery of Darth
Haiku # 71924, September 10, 2021 5:51 pm ET
by Noticer of Details
Why do you stay there?
Are you hiding from the law?
Or just like cat-meat . . .
Haiku # 71923, September 10, 2021 11:05 am ET
by Luzon of Mindanao
Let me just say that
if you saw it, you'd be shocked
and go running home.
Haiku # 71922, September 10, 2021 4:57 am ET
by Which is the smart reaction.
Gutter animals
include children, goats, chickens,
and politicians.
Haiku # 71921, September 10, 2021 2:35 am ET
by And mountains of litter.
How about roosters?
Are they loose in the city?
How stinky is it?
Haiku # 71920, September 10, 2021 1:06 am ET
by Tell
It just runs amok?
What else is in the gutter?
Watch out for germs
Haiku # 71919, September 10, 2021 1:00 am ET
by Concerned
You walk down the street.
In a bustling city.
Lots of poverty.

In the street gutter
you see a pig wallowing
in the mud and filth.

Your Egg McMuffin
before it's processed and cooked.
I would imagine.

JolliBee burgers
are made from processed cat meat;
sure as hell ain't beef.
Haiku # 71918, September 10, 2021 12:51 am ET
by And it was just running around loose; not tied up.
Pigs in the gutter
Is that true, Figpucker?
I need more details
Haiku # 71917, September 10, 2021 12:03 am ET
by Noticer
Le maudit trou Belge.
Marc Dutroux et tout ses crimes.
Julie. Melissa.
Haiku # 71916, September 9, 2021 7:41 pm ET
by True Crime Haiku of La Belgique
I like the South Park
character known as Sea Man
and sidekick Swallow.
Haiku # 71915, September 9, 2021 6:50 pm ET
by Swallow, come! of No way he just said that.
Aquaman was dull,
stole ideas from ancient Greece,
and not one nude scene!
Haiku # 71914, September 9, 2021 6:47 pm ET
by I prefer Watchmen.
All the sea creatures
are a family to me,
but you can't grasp that.
Haiku # 71913, September 9, 2021 6:41 pm ET
by I love getting stung by sea urchins more than a piece of Grandma's pumpkin pie.
How do you spell fart,
pardoon my horrible pun,
in the Russian tongue?
Haiku # 71912, September 9, 2021 6:36 pm ET
by Starry pardoon macaroon. of Tongue my flatus.
Fish are your brothers
You're saying you're a Pisces?
Jason Momoa?
Haiku # 71911, September 9, 2021 6:34 pm ET
by I C Weed of I smoke it
My shit-ass haiku:
Shining, like a sudden shart,
Illumines your soul.
Haiku # 71910, September 9, 2021 5:42 pm ET
Rus! You shall be CRUSHED!
Merciless relentless loss.
Drink that like vodka.
Haiku # 71909, September 9, 2021 5:37 pm ET
by St. Oleg of Imperial Kiev
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Haiku # 71908, September 9, 2021 2:22 pm ET
by Andreasbqw of Kiribati
There are octopi
In your foul necropoli,
But that's wrong plural.
Haiku # 71907, September 9, 2021 12:58 pm ET
by Metropolises of Alumni
Also gave up fish.
Because I love the bastards.
They are my brothers.
Haiku # 71906, September 9, 2021 12:11 pm ET
by You wouldn't get it.
Pigs in the gutter.
We're talking literally.
Rooting through the filth.
Haiku # 71905, September 9, 2021 12:09 pm ET
by Why I gave up pork! of Might go vegan.
It's fun to watch the
street vendors selling noodles
cough into the soup.
Haiku # 71904, September 9, 2021 10:38 am ET
by And no one cares. of Hypocrites wearing masks.
I won't kiss hookers,
but since I have corona,
why not share the love.
Haiku # 71903, September 9, 2021 10:32 am ET
by What goes around cums around.
I hope thousands die
from elevator buttons
that I coughed phlegm on.
Haiku # 71902, September 9, 2021 8:25 am ET
by Give Mother Earth a breather. of The only good thing I've done with my life.
How many push-ups
can you do in the morning
before your breakfast?

Well that's not enough.
You need to take supplements.
Cheap steroids dot com.
Haiku # 71901, September 9, 2021 8:20 am ET
by Be a REAL man today!
Laughed my fat ass off.
I needed that so badly.
It's octopuses.
Haiku # 71900, September 9, 2021 5:30 am ET
by Ask Webster.
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Haiku # 71899, September 9, 2021 3:39 am ET
by Larryestap of Kenya
I now present you
21 Balot Salute
This could get messy

A crowd disperses
Figpucker pulls up his pants
Pants with two crotches

One hand job won't do
And that your honor is why
I fucked octopi
Haiku # 71898, September 9, 2021 1:33 am ET
by Record of Philippines Court Proceedinks
I still miss Nimoy.
This old world sucks without Spock.
Like there's no more hope.

Live long and prosper.
Inspired by The Wailing Wall.
But I've lost the will.
Haiku # 71897, September 9, 2021 1:29 am ET
by No, you're not in my will. of Sorry.
I'm going to shove
a balot egg up my ass;
fart at the palace.

Balot cannon ball.
They thought the Spanish were bad.
Chemical warfare.
Haiku # 71896, September 9, 2021 12:48 am ET
by Revenge of the ducklings.
A close inspection
of your legendary schlong
It's more Hulk than Shrek
Haiku # 71895, September 8, 2021 10:51 pm ET
by Noticer of Ogregasms
Talk, Double Schlonged Hawk
Or do you just walk the walk
and stuff it with socks?
Haiku # 71894, September 8, 2021 10:31 pm ET
by Just like the Sweet white winged dove of Stevia Nick's Boho Kunt Aviary
I praise you oh Lord:
Darth is sitting there naked
and I'm far away.
Haiku # 71893, September 8, 2021 8:58 pm ET
by Distance Makes Good Neighbors of Shrekville
Sitting here naked.
No, I'm not thinking of you.
I'm just watching Shrek.
Haiku # 71892, September 8, 2021 6:51 pm ET
by Green with envy? of Ho ho ho.
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