Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 338 Days and 72686 Haikus later...

I keep telling you,
Go out and buy a bidet.
Your butt will thank you.
Haiku # 71886, September 8, 2021 4:34 am ET
by Don't be so flaky.
No toilet paper
Nothing to eat but bran flakes
You can do the math
Haiku # 71885, September 8, 2021 1:48 am ET
by Shit out of Luck
I praise you, oh Lord:
Jews, Satanists and Commies
Run the entire world.
Haiku # 71884, September 7, 2021 8:59 pm ET
by Perfectly Lovely of Mass Death
I pleasured myself
thinking of Lady Gaga
in her raw meat dress.
Haiku # 71883, September 7, 2021 7:03 pm ET
by BBQ anyone? of Baby back ribs. From real babies.
Fart. Excuse me. Fart.
Excuse me. Fart. Excuse me.
Fart. Excuse me. Fart.
Haiku # 71882, September 7, 2021 1:12 pm ET
by Fartpucker of Fart Silo
The turkey was high.
Wasted, basted, and tasted.
She's soooo delicious!
Haiku # 71880, September 7, 2021 1:43 am ET
by Plenty leftovers. of Sloppy seconds... and thirds... and fourths!
It's consentual.
The turkey had begged for it.
How could I refuse?
Haiku # 71879, September 7, 2021 12:29 am ET
by Gobble gobble.
My syllable count
I apologize for that
Go ahead, sue me
Haiku # 71878, September 7, 2021 12:19 am ET
by Giver of No fucks
Figpuckered Turkey
First it's massaged, then spatchcocked
Next, call police
Haiku # 71877, September 6, 2021 11:32 pm ET
by Noticer of Gourmet Cooking
My YouTube channel
I interview poets
and haiku poets
Haiku # 71876, September 6, 2021 11:16 pm ET
by Influencer of Internets
Before you nose douche,
Be sure to harvest boogers
and share on your wall

Wallbooger's burger
Delectable aged nosemeat
served in Kleenex box
Haiku # 71875, September 6, 2021 9:18 pm ET
by Noticer of Grade A Prime Nose Meat
As much as you'd like,
you won't blow bubbles out your
nose; don't be silly!
Haiku # 71874, September 6, 2021 8:06 pm ET
by This is serious business.
If you're wondering,
sodium bicarbonate
is baking soda.
Haiku # 71873, September 6, 2021 8:04 pm ET
by Some ppl might not know that.
Nose Douche Recipe:
One liter distilled water.
Five spoons table salt.

Add one spoon each of
sodium bicarbonate
and baby shampoo.

Tilt your head slightly.
Pour it into one nostril.
Drain out the other.

Beat that covid test.
So you can ride an airplane.
Bang whores in Thailand. ;-)
Haiku # 71872, September 6, 2021 8:03 pm ET
by Your welcome. of Weary traveler... weary of the protocol.
There's "beer-can chicken",
Then there's "Figpuckered turkey" . . .
Stuffing, one might say.
Haiku # 71871, September 6, 2021 7:52 pm ET
by Fowl Crimes of Avian Depravity
The first thing I'll do
is violate a turkey.
Posted on YouTube.
Haiku # 71870, September 6, 2021 6:58 pm ET
by Extra gravy with giblets. of Just a little stuffing.
Time for my nose douche.
Rinse out all those covid cells.
Negativity.
Haiku # 71869, September 6, 2021 6:52 pm ET
by Fuck the RT-PCR!
Tim Horton's Coffee
is by far superior
to competitors'.
Haiku # 71868, September 6, 2021 6:51 pm ET
by If we're going to destroy rain forests, of lets at least make good coffee!
You didn't say please.
Please may I have another.
Just one more haiku.
Haiku # 71867, September 6, 2021 6:48 pm ET
by Addicted to your glorious verse!
Thank you. You're welcome.
Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you.
You're welcome. Thank you.
Haiku # 71866, September 6, 2021 6:31 pm ET
by Noticer of Etiquette
Yes, I was abused.
By all five of my uncles.
They made me dress up.

Sometimes a French maid.
Sometimes the Easter Bunny.
Or Adolph Hitler.

They farted on me.
Mom got pics and videos.
And I was famous.

They kept the money.
Wasted it on crack and coke.
Then I ran away.

Became a hobo.
Riding town to town on trains.
And learned to fart back.

I learned from Rufus.
He taught me the ways of farts.
And to blast enemies.
Haiku # 71865, September 6, 2021 7:28 am ET
by Would make a great movie, no?
Seriously, Darth
Were you abused as a child?
Your mind is so weird . . .
Haiku # 71864, September 6, 2021 7:12 am ET
by Or Maybe Too Much Acid and Demons Entered the Portal of Your Soul
More people should die.
Pre-jet lag insomnia.
Next time ebola.
Haiku # 71863, September 6, 2021 3:20 am ET
by Damn it, my balls have lost their odor. of Here, smell my finger; see what you think.
Expensive call girls.
Old politician clients.
Maybe, just maybe.
Haiku # 71862, September 6, 2021 12:17 am ET
by Kill two turds with one boner.
On your fast food stand,
Splat goes my contagious phlegm.
Covid with your fries?
Haiku # 71861, September 6, 2021 12:15 am ET
by Thinking of ways I can target old ppl. of Any ideas?
A dyslexic girl
sent pics of The Sahara.
I said nudes, not dunes!
Haiku # 71860, September 6, 2021 12:12 am ET
by Sahara Sarah. of Hardly dry.
I've nothing to do.
So I will write this haiku.
And send it to you.
Haiku # 71859, September 6, 2021 12:09 am ET
by Send Nudes
I think I just read your book
Haiku # 71858, September 5, 2021 11:35 pm ET
by Noseful of Details
Late night sleepwalker
Stops in at the donut shop
This man is naked

Six honey glazed, please
Impromptu game of ring toss
Exits, still sleeping
Haiku # 71857, September 5, 2021 11:34 pm ET
by Sticky Erection of Pointing in the direction of home
I'm writing a book.
"How To Teleport Your Farts
To Others' Noses."
Haiku # 71856, September 5, 2021 11:28 pm ET
by Order Now of While Supplies Last!
Can you beat the RT-PCR covid test by giving yourself a good nasal rinse before hand? I'm thinking I'll use dish soap and bleach. Make sure it's negative.

Negativity.
Nowadays it's a good thing.
Fuck shit Goddamn cunt!

Never mind the test.
See how negative I am?!
Humans are all doomed!
Haiku # 71854, September 5, 2021 4:04 pm ET
by Or something.
This little piggy.
Old McDonald had a farm.
The wheels on the bus.
Haiku # 71853, September 5, 2021 4:00 pm ET
by I just want an Egg McMuffin!
I guess I was wrong.
Itchy balls aren't a symptom.
Not of corona.

It's a lot more fun
to spread itchy ball disease
than it is covid.

Know what I mean, Vern?
Time to bathe my schweaty sac.
Would you care to help?
Haiku # 71852, September 5, 2021 3:07 pm ET
by 1 km^2 scrotal area. of stretch it real good!
Call upon Janis
in times of trouble. Janis
will restore haiku.
Haiku # 71851, September 5, 2021 11:57 am ET
by Haiku Revival of 2021
Having covid's great!
Cough all over grocery stores
and shopping mall stands.

Life gets no better.
It's more fun than abortion.
Legalized murder.
Haiku # 71850, September 5, 2021 8:24 am ET
by They deserve it. Look what they've done.
Spicy Korean food.
I don't care what meat it is.
It's so freaking good!
Haiku # 71849, September 5, 2021 4:58 am ET
by Dogtopus duckat nude noodle soop. of Quack bark meow slither.
I am NOT Janis.
You are certainly not fucked.
You're not even kissed.
Haiku # 71848, September 5, 2021 3:41 am ET
by Nobody loves you.
I did one better.
I shat on the neighbor's lawn.
And wiped with his shirt.
Haiku # 71847, September 4, 2021 11:37 pm ET
by That's what he gets for hanging his laundry to dry.
Every so often
Let out your inner caveman
Go shit in the woods
Haiku # 71846, September 4, 2021 10:52 pm ET
by Deeppack Snowpra of Embracing a birch tree with my toned arse cheeks
Janis! Janis lives!
Janis will deal with the bots!
Wait... who is Janis?
Haiku # 71845, September 4, 2021 10:35 pm ET
by If Darth is Janis We Are Fucked
Thank you much, Janis.
We appreciate your work.
And this fun website.
Haiku # 71844, September 4, 2021 10:20 pm ET
by By "we", yes I do happen to have a turd in my pocket.
I've been smoking crack.
No, that cough isn't covid.
I promise, honey.

You care about AIDS??!!
That is soooo nineteen ninties.
God, how old ARE you??
Haiku # 71843, September 4, 2021 10:16 pm ET
by Shut up and pass the blunt.
Think I'll go out for
some nasty street meat tonight.
No, not fried chicken.
Haiku # 71842, September 4, 2021 10:12 pm ET
by 30 dolla make you holla of Me love you long time.
Craziness endures.
It sticks in your memory.
Normality fades.
Haiku # 71841, September 4, 2021 10:09 pm ET
by Admit it!
*Pics
Haiku # 71840, September 4, 2021 10:07 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I still miss posting
pis of my unwashed backside
via website links.
Haiku # 71839, September 4, 2021 10:07 pm ET
by Thats why VHS stopped bc he misses my naughty pics.
Doesn't take long to
obliterate craziness
No time for this shit
Haiku # 71838, September 4, 2021 8:43 pm ET
by Janis
Other than spaces
copy-pasted, I did not
do anything else.

I've been too busy
spreading covid at shopping
malls and airport lounges.
Haiku # 71837, September 4, 2021 7:21 pm ET
by You're welcome, my beautiful planet! of Shed these pesky humans!
Darth was acting up
He erased the internet
Fucking math genius
Haiku # 71836, September 4, 2021 7:04 pm ET
by Tattler of Tales
What the actual
FUCK has been going on here?
2 week vacation :-(
Haiku # 71835, September 4, 2021 3:30 pm ET
by Janis
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