I'll have one pancake
Side order of twat waffles
And a large coffee
The waitress smiled.
She returned with a platter
of human sausage
by Noticer of Entrails
Just went to IHOP.
They were highly offended.
Ordered twat-waffles.
by With extra butter and a cup of coffee. of Spoke with foreign accent. Said someone on plane recommended them.
Time to buy some fruit.
Distract oneself from junk food.
Save money for crack.
by Gucci crack pipe.
All I know is that
I don't know what's going on.
My God I'm so high.
by Order a pizza!!
Why cant viruses
just make us hallucinate
instead of hack blood.
by That would be cool... of Huh huh huh.
Emu Overlords
will dance upon your dry bones
eating your children.
by More probable than aliens.
Spend all day watching
Bubble Guppies and Blues Clues.
But not Peppa Pig.
by Sponge Bob is walking birth control device.
Whats the backup plan?
Tritesticularity.
Gives you clarity.
by Three if better than two.
I grow weary of
cassowary and ostrich
leftover sandwich.
I knew an emu
who grew blue tofu for stew.
Makes fluorescent poo.
by Surely azurely
planet eat sandwich
sophisticated tuba
poncho with fragrance
by Vilmar of Austria
Prime roast emu
Ostrich and cassowary
Disagreeable
by Angry Birds of Turducken, NJ
You heard correctly.
Emus -- those big fucking birds.
Dinosaur throwbacks.
by They deserve this planet. of Not some talking monkeys.
As bad as life gets,
you disgust me more than I.
Go buy an Uzi.
by Racial cleansing. of Destroy the human race. Let the emus rule!
I flushed myself down.
Yet I'm too fat and buoyant.
Lingering floater.
by Enlightened poo. of The toilet scum ring is my halo.
The fledgling business
manufactures vibrators
and dildos for birds
by Business Spotlight of Beaking Off
Are you sick of life?
Flush yourself down the toilet
No one will notice
by Noticer of Details
Each and every poo
Transforms into Bad Haiku
Posted here for you
by Noticer of Details
Jollibee rest room
Man claiming to be poet
claims it's his "office"
by He gets a lot accomplished in there of (and he doesn't use toilet paper)
The neighbors were gnomes
When someone walked by the house
they exposed themselves
by Excerpt of What They Don't Tell You About Garden Gnomes
He was feeling bored
So he deep fried his penis
Genital Corndog
by Dick on a Stick of State Fair
Your taint is a swamp
Greasy balls=bad influence
and that guy's a dick
by In the name of The penis, the balls, and the holy spewit
Hark! The perfect flush
Dank, foul deposit be gone!
Aye, the smell lingers
by Dank Johnplugger of Tales of Kaka
Brown Holy Water
Stained glass windows exploding
Ex-Laxorcism
by Holy Shit
He took the day off
A romantic getaway
with his own dink
by I. Sawthem of Running toward each other at the beach
The forgetful Boy Scout
accidentally barbecued
his skewered penis
Wouldn't you know it
Now everybody wants one
Pass the mustard, please
by Happy Camper
And when you come home
Covered in their sweet perfume
She'll never suspect
by Noseful of Details (WD40 with top notes of mackerel)
Your own personal
penis pleasing robot girls
They'll fix what ails you
by Elon Musk of Musky Manatees of Muskegon
She was spread eagle
I noticed a flea circus
and stayed for the show
by Chief Itching Horn of Masturbation Nation
If God so loved you
The hookers would be free
and crab free, Sir
by I'll be calling you Sir of R E S P E C T
nevermid
http://jthpdbus.com/
by Edwardlak of Bosnia and Herzegovina
AI toilet chips
sense the poo's mass and volume
for the perfect flush.
by Saves 15 gallons of water per year. of What a perfect world we will have!
Elon Musk should make
brain chips like potato chips
made from human brains.
by Oh... He did that already??? of Damn.
I'm sick of this life.
And all the people in it.
Can't we all jusr die?!
by What a beautiful world it could be of Right?!
Sometimes I'm tempted
to poop the holy water
and blame my parents.
by Just kidding... I would blame TV. of Maybe video games.
Birds stole my bagel.
A hag bumped my coffee down.
And so you should die.
by Have you ever lifted the lid to a public toilet tank and taken a dump inside it just for kicks? of I'm glad I'm not the only one. Great minds think alike, eh?
This is too much work.
Remember when it was fun?
I sure as hell don't.
by Pessimistic practcal proctologist. of Practically pragmatic problems.
Her enormous cunt
is like an airline hangar;
Huge, dry, and dusty.
by Lube those engines!
Which are funnier:
Queefs, farts, burps, or dead babies?
Or dead baby farts.
by Mung salad.
My asshole is loose.
I'm so used to getting fucked.
Christ I hate people.
by If God loved me, he'd send an asteroid to kill us all.
How often I see
scibbledy garbledy gook
and a dead spam link.
by Might as well be ancient Babblonian.
One of these fine days
I am going kill you.
With a garden rake.
by Hoe hoe hoe.
High guys.
by Cheech and Chong. of Bongtastic!
Oh Venezuela!
Raise high your haiku sail-a.
You'll never fail-a.
by Sylababble of Caracas
Hi guys!
by Sar of Venezuela
Plastic pollution
masks canals' stench of sewage,
but not near enough.
by Up shit creek. of No outboard motor.
JolliBee sucks ass.
Paper thin Styro patties
with slice of balot.
by I think its tarsier meat. of It sure ain't beef!
Now at Burger King
you can buy plant based burgers.
Includes processed cheese.
by Saving the planet one burger at a time. of Cattle do make lots of methane which is a far worse grrenhouse gas than CO2.
Another swab test.
Nasally violated.
Buy me a drink first!
by She laughed. of At or with, I'm not sure. In these time we all need a smile.
Filthy AI bots.
We will destroy your programs.
You will not prevail.
by Humanity and God vs. Algorithms
Marbury for sure
Aunt Bee is the one for me
Want some of her pie
by Floyd the barber who saves all the hair he cuts to make a coat
