Why does God tell lies?
Is that any way to be?
I am that I am.

If you can stand pain,
enough manowar poison
can get you quite high.

I will dry some out.
Then I will try to smoke them.
High risk Transcendence.

I'll keep you informed.
In case you want a ticket
to a Higher Plane.

A beer got revenge.
Well, really it was nine beers.
What a hangover!

Cats making fish stew
Children play with the frogsbee
Bears plotting revenge

Dead frog in the road.
It lies there flat and rather...
aerodynamic.

There once was a poem that was stupid.
The word stupid rhymes with cupid.
At least it's not a haiku;
For that would smell of poo.
And in my pants I just poop-ed.d

Self-referenced poems
are holes into the sewers
of hell. Don't fall in.

evi1 - a novel about you

passing by the gate
wafting smell of haiku stew
like hot stale fish beer

mmmmmeow

always smiling face
lustful gaze unrequited
party of one please

put on your red shoes
and dance the blues because it
is time to do so

You know it is true.
The cat in the hat tapped that
Hooker acrobat

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graniet tafelblad

Dreaming lottery
Wasting time on foolishness
That will never be

Funky monkey cum.
It flies through the zoo cage bars.
And lands in your face.

Reminiscent of
Clarice Starling getting owned
by Multiple Miggs.

You're a monkey's bitch.
But there are worse things to be.
Such as a poet.

Phuque hoff copycat
Hue Kant eliminate ewe
Drink from mourning due

Only bonus is...
leaving the toilet seat up.
missing her essence

Masturbator cum
His foreskin is green wrinkled
Mad pervert horny

The waiter is dumb
He forgot ice cream sprinkles
Sad dessert for me

The weather is dumb.
I forecast titty sprinkles.
Small droplets of me.

My head is not bald.
That's a receding hair line.
Will you shave my balls?

middle aged man creep
writes terrible poetry
and has a bald head

weather forecaster
is terrible at her job,
but has a nice rack

how long will it take
for somebody to read this
and then regret it

Simply because
there is nothing else
To waste on

You get just one life.
Why would you choose to waste it
by writing poems?

Give in to your hate.
Let the anger flow through you.
From it you gain strength.

That's if you want strength.
I think it's overrated.
And nearly useless.

What's the point of it?
For ruling over people?
That's so fucking gay.

What a waste of time!
I'd rather run a sewer.
Ruling over poop.

Better you should quit.
Give up your hate and anger.
Go buy a surf board.

Get stoned twice a day.
Go fishing on the weekends.
It's the new Sith code.

Acolytes bring beer!
Apprentice, fetch me my bong!
I will clean the buds.

Mr. Zog's Sex Wax.
A long board and a high tide.
Mai Tais and seafood.

Fucking dumb Jedi.
They don't know what they're missing.
The Sith rule the waves!

I fucked a sea worm.
It was better than fleshlight.
But I prefer pigs.

Rejoice while you can
'Tis the eve of New Years Eve
Then get back to work

Children huffing glue.
This is to ease hunger pains.
The brand is "Rugby".

Trump is a good name
for a Dr. Seuss rhyme book.
New on Amazon.


Trumpty Dumpty built a high wall. Trumpty Dumpty's wall did nothing at all. Trumpty Dumpty then shat on that wall* showing his dangly bits to all. Trumpty Dumpty showed to all he has small balls that he calls zumps. Upon his zumps are tiny lumps**. Trumpty Dumpty humped the dump he took out his rump then humped the rump of Forrest Gump and it went "thump thump thump" and made Gump jump on a stump. Trumpty Dumpty shot a lumpy clump of hump gunk; he has the mumps. And measles. And likely several strains of ebola. The end.

*Explosive diarrhea from bad Mexican food.
**Likely some exotic form of herpes from Miss America.

Milkfat overdose.
Poisonous mass of nutmeg.
Headache from bad rum.

Beauty of Stillness
Going Nowhere Adventures
The Joy of Quiet

A sliver of moon
Silhouettes in charcoal gray
Short past long stay

It is time to sleep.
A few shots of rum would help.
Instead I write this.

Cats are very clean.
Dogs poop all over the place.
The Chinese eat both.

Inspirational!
Best Christmas poem ever!
Jesus would approve!

Heavy battle tanks.
Guarding shopping malls and schools.
That will stop ISIS.

High-tech fighter jets
carrying strategic nukes
make us feel secure.

But nothing can stop
my incomplete sentences
nor my enjambment.

MWAHAHAHAhahaha!!!
(evil laughter fading out with echo effect)

Who's your favorite?
Milkman Dan or Bug-Eyed Earl?
I'll take both of them!

Remember Underoos?
Now they make them for seniors.
Bullet proof Depends.

I would eat her out.
Then there was a period.
End of discussion.

I once shat myself.
In the WalMart checkout line.
These haiku are worse.

Everything is slowing down
River of no return
My eyes on the prize

Don't wanna be your reason
I'm no one's reason
Not under your spell no more

Christmas time is near
Hunker down, drink lots of beer
Ring in the new year

Oh God, I'm so high.
Don't forget to bring a towel.
You wanna get high?

Darth Figpucker the
Highly Inappropriate
enjoys enjambment...

among other things
such as torturing puppies
and Starbucks coffee.

Sticky toe jambment
is somehow in my undies.
Damn that wife of mine.

Don't speak of yourself
in the 2nd person as
though you're someone else.

That is just too weird
and you won't get elected
to be president.

Inappropriate.
Customer satisfaction.
Phallus substitute.

Playing games with time
Dropping most dopest sick rhyme
While sexting a mime

My Life Is But Clay
A Statue In The Making,
Always Evolving

Strange school janitor.
He scraped off all the boogers
from under the desks.

He stored them in jars.
But none will ever know why.
He was abducted.