I done got fucked up!
Butt-guzzled some paint thinner.
My farts smell like pine.

What a hangover!
And I shat out three tumors.
A cure for cancer?

she said you can't talk
about religion or sex
or politics, a

classic housewife
of course, which is why most things
on the air are food

Resolve to evolve
beyond the need to respond
to shitty drivers

what if one types the
following "baahaiku.com?"
file not found error

(new year's start)
resolutions anyone?

One more shitty year.
It ends with a muffled flush.
I, for one, am glad.

Seven syllables:
Explosive diarrhea.
Did I spell that right?

What to do this night?
I'll dress up my favorite pig
with lipstick and gown.

And shoot fireworks
at the neighbors' wooden roof.
I be so evil.

Fuck, I hate Win 8.
I mean, Vista was better!
At least it's no Mac.

the universe does
not keep time or calendars
time is relative

happy new year

another year gone
just another day over
like all of the rest

such tired poetry
iamback pentameters
that need to take five

Hey that one guy thinks he's a joker talking smak about someone imitating me. Anyone who helps me perpetuate the great gayness of their anus and having a StarWars themed wedding back inna day is good with me! w00t! w00t!

Balls ,Nippress Ash in gay StarWars Wedding back inna day. w00t! Jan-ass the Hutt officiating and the boyz as StormPooper and Darth Gaydar. w00t!

Ash Nippress connection equals gay homosexuals.....

i bring you presents
our relationship is short
then i go away

If I watch candles
Will you pay me with angry
Donkey cough money?

No!
That's dumb
Why should we?
You should do it first.
After all, it's your idea.

Oh shit! I just did it. Well played you clever bastard.

Let's get higher than
John Denver on a jet plane
Except for he's dead.

So, I guess this "iamback" chap has a grudge or something and I can respect that and the fact that he's a vulgar bastard, but I mean, every post he makes is damn near identical.... nipress and ash being in a gay Star Wars wedding or something, and I'm like... "that sounds pretty cool actually," so what the fuck does this dingleberry do in his spare time besides hopping from website to website making bad jokes and.... fuck. I think I'll go finish my next novel now. Thank you "iamback" for being a nice mirror.

I think next we should have Fibonacci haiku... 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, ... that could be fun. Anyone?

LOL... my captcha is "fword senren" FWORD... that's funny! God playing tricks on my again.

You're either Gen-X
or else you are not Gen-X.
So which then are you?

"Only a sith deals in absolutes."
--Old Been Wanna Futtbucki.

How was your Christmas?
Did you give lots of presents?
I, for one, did not.

Did you praise Jesus?
Did you get down on your knees?
Were you touched by God?

This Christmas I was
re-convinced that God hates me
with great certainty.

"He shat down upon
me with a great vengeance and
furious anger.

And thus I looked up
and received an eyefull of
holy brown feces."

But it could have been worse.
I could be in a hearse (again).
re-hearse (sin).
(Sit and spin).

Did anyone ever have a sit-and-spin toy? Remember those?

Oh! I get it now!
"Gen X" is just the gen that
does not care at all.

And "Gen Pre-X" cares
so much about everything.
Even gen-x-ers.

We all care so much!
No, really, I'm serious!
... 'Scuse me, gotta poop.

Okay, I'm gack now.
Christ I stank up the bathroom.
What was I saying?

Oh well, who cares. ;-)

Please define "gen X".
I mean, what the fuck is that?
You arrogant prick.

generation x ?
you underestimate me
or at least my age

well you always struck
me as the gen x I don't give
a shit about folks

that don't trouble me
but that's really damn zen too
we either care too

much or not enough
but it's porridge and there's not
taps to do with what's

in the past but 4square

quite the opposite
what happens now is the deal
past and future aren't

or if you worked with
me i would kill you with bad
jokes, impersonations...

and to impersonate
ash "well it all ends so who
cares what happens now?"

we're all gonna die
a train or a crucifix
it still ends badly

I think I'll die now.
Throw myself under a train.
Jeez I hate Christmas.

ah somehow dogs barking
jingle bells and the
mackenzie brothers

singing "on the first day"
of christmas my true love gave
to me...a beer.... eh

i'm compelled to ask
what's christmas without old friends ?
possibly better

like i said you never left

Black or white Santa?
Could be purple or chartreuse
and a woman too.

you never left

Nippress sitting on a stool, naked whilst reciting Proust. Ash poo-ing in a red Solo cup shouting the names of his ex - husbands.

Nippress Ash Balls Gay StarWars
Wedding Gaydar StormPooper

i think I'll decide
for myself how i will live
my life and where it

will take me so thank
you very much and have a nice
day, enjoy your jokes

man I have got to
stop paying attention to some
people on the net

dos thus seek out thou?
forsoothly, thou las en wait
verily thou shall

winter storm warnings
branches cocooned in ice not
so nice for the ice

oh bother what shall i
do without hunny as the
tiger bounced the walls

Pooh mooches honey
while ignoring beautiful lights
tough winter for bears

Scrooge and his money
Marley, Tiny Tim, and ghosts!
Tale of Two Pities!

we're all filling a
series of empty spaces
here with one long

space

I got nothing but
Adjectives to fill spaces
Does that mean I die?

hmm if this is so
______ (verb)___(pronoun)
blank verse allows for

possibilities

Life is like Mad Libs
You choose to experience
Orange poop or Blue love

I would fuck myself.
However, my dick's too short.
So I bang your wife.

Merry Christmas! ;-)

ha ha ha ha ha,
hee hee hee ha hee hee
ho ho ha fuck you

Live life like light lice.
I do not know what that means.
You figure it out.

Is life meaningless?
You must give meaning to it.
Hero or villain.

I flop my dick out.
Wave it all around and shout,
"I'm a perv, no doubt!"

Eating Christmas ham.
Would Jesus have approved it?
He's a Jew, you know.

if i understand
right there is a believer
in the meaningless

ness of life here and
here there is one who believes
this life is temporary

ah but might as well
"enjoy it" whilst we still have
time to do so and

maybe leave this world
a better place than we left
it, oba dee, oba da

Write or die? Bullshit!
Everyone dies. Leaving.
Words behind their mind.