Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
28 Years, 52 Days and 77443 Haiku later...

No!
That's dumb
Why should we?
You should do it first.
After all, it's your idea.

Oh shit! I just did it. Well played you clever bastard.
Haiku # 50643, December 27, 2013 9:40 pm ET
by Barney Miller of New York
Let's get higher than
John Denver on a jet plane
Except for he's dead.
Haiku # 50642, December 27, 2013 9:29 pm ET
by Fonzie of Milwaukee
So, I guess this "iamback" chap has a grudge or something and I can respect that and the fact that he's a vulgar bastard, but I mean, every post he makes is damn near identical.... nipress and ash being in a gay Star Wars wedding or something, and I'm like... "that sounds pretty cool actually," so what the fuck does this dingleberry do in his spare time besides hopping from website to website making bad jokes and.... fuck. I think I'll go finish my next novel now. Thank you "iamback" for being a nice mirror.

I think next we should have Fibonacci haiku... 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, ... that could be fun. Anyone?

LOL... my captcha is "fword senren" FWORD... that's funny! God playing tricks on my again.
Haiku # 50641, December 27, 2013 1:44 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
You're either Gen-X
or else you are not Gen-X.
So which then are you?

"Only a sith deals in absolutes."
--Old Been Wanna Futtbucki.
Haiku # 50640, December 27, 2013 1:25 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
How was your Christmas?
Did you give lots of presents?
I, for one, did not.

Did you praise Jesus?
Did you get down on your knees?
Were you touched by God?

This Christmas I was
re-convinced that God hates me
with great certainty.

"He shat down upon
me with a great vengeance and
furious anger.

And thus I looked up
and received an eyefull of
holy brown feces."

But it could have been worse.
I could be in a hearse (again).
re-hearse (sin).
(Sit and spin).

Did anyone ever have a sit-and-spin toy? Remember those?

Haiku # 50639, December 27, 2013 12:59 pm ET
by Generation XXX
Oh! I get it now!
"Gen X" is just the gen that
does not care at all.

And "Gen Pre-X" cares
so much about everything.
Even gen-x-ers.

We all care so much!
No, really, I'm serious!
... 'Scuse me, gotta poop.

Okay, I'm gack now.
Christ I stank up the bathroom.
What was I saying?

Oh well, who cares. ;-)
Haiku # 50638, December 27, 2013 12:47 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Please define "gen X".
I mean, what the fuck is that?
You arrogant prick.
Haiku # 50637, December 27, 2013 12:39 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
generation x ?
you underestimate me
or at least my age
Haiku # 50636, December 27, 2013 2:00 am ET
by ash
well you always struck
me as the gen x I don't give
a shit about folks

that don't trouble me
but that's really damn zen too
we either care too

much or not enough
but it's porridge and there's not
taps to do with what's

in the past but 4square
Haiku # 50635, December 26, 2013 12:16 pm ET
by vhs
quite the opposite
what happens now is the deal
past and future aren't
Haiku # 50634, December 26, 2013 6:18 am ET
by ash
or if you worked with
me i would kill you with bad
jokes, impersonations...

and to impersonate
ash "well it all ends so who
cares what happens now?"
Haiku # 50633, December 26, 2013 2:19 am ET
by vhs
we're all gonna die
a train or a crucifix
it still ends badly
Haiku # 50632, December 25, 2013 9:38 pm ET
by ash
I think I'll die now.
Throw myself under a train.
Jeez I hate Christmas.
Haiku # 50631, December 25, 2013 9:30 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
ah somehow dogs barking
jingle bells and the
mackenzie brothers

singing "on the first day"
of christmas my true love gave
to me...a beer.... eh
Haiku # 50630, December 25, 2013 2:35 am ET
by vhs
i'm compelled to ask
what's christmas without old friends ?
possibly better
Haiku # 50629, December 24, 2013 7:09 pm ET
by ash
like i said you never left
Haiku # 50628, December 24, 2013 1:53 am ET
by vhs
Black or white Santa?
Could be purple or chartreuse
and a woman too.
Haiku # 50627, December 24, 2013 12:43 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
you never left
Haiku # 50626, December 23, 2013 8:01 pm ET
by vhs
Nippress sitting on a stool, naked whilst reciting Proust. Ash poo-ing in a red Solo cup shouting the names of his ex - husbands.
Haiku # 50625, December 23, 2013 6:04 pm ET
by iamback
Nippress Ash Balls Gay StarWars
Wedding Gaydar StormPooper
Haiku # 50624, December 23, 2013 6:02 pm ET
by iamback
i think I'll decide
for myself how i will live
my life and where it

will take me so thank
you very much and have a nice
day, enjoy your jokes
Haiku # 50623, December 23, 2013 12:29 pm ET
by vhs
man I have got to
stop paying attention to some
people on the net
Haiku # 50622, December 23, 2013 9:06 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
dos thus seek out thou?
forsoothly, thou las en wait
verily thou shall
Haiku # 50621, December 22, 2013 8:14 pm ET
by sic of the heartland
winter storm warnings
branches cocooned in ice not
so nice for the ice
Haiku # 50620, December 22, 2013 2:57 pm ET
by vhs
oh bother what shall i
do without hunny as the
tiger bounced the walls
Haiku # 50619, December 22, 2013 2:56 pm ET
by vhs
Pooh mooches honey
while ignoring beautiful lights
tough winter for bears
Haiku # 50618, December 21, 2013 3:02 am ET
by Mandingo of Southhamptonshirebury
Scrooge and his money
Marley, Tiny Tim, and ghosts!
Tale of Two Pities!
Haiku # 50617, December 21, 2013 1:38 am ET
by Charles Dickens of Christmas Carol Haiku
we're all filling a
series of empty spaces
here with one long

space
Haiku # 50616, December 21, 2013 1:35 am ET
by vhs
I got nothing but
Adjectives to fill spaces
Does that mean I die?
Haiku # 50615, December 21, 2013 12:43 am ET
by Mandingo of Sporktleopolis
hmm if this is so
______ (verb)___(pronoun)
blank verse allows for

possibilities
Haiku # 50614, December 21, 2013 12:20 am ET
by vhs
Life is like Mad Libs
You choose to experience
Orange poop or Blue love
Haiku # 50613, December 20, 2013 7:29 pm ET
by mandingo of flarptongongle
I would fuck myself.
However, my dick's too short.
So I bang your wife.

Merry Christmas! ;-)
Haiku # 50612, December 20, 2013 11:21 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
ha ha ha ha ha,
hee hee hee ha hee hee
ho ho ha fuck you
Haiku # 50611, December 19, 2013 10:37 pm ET
by frenchy
Live life like light lice.
I do not know what that means.
You figure it out.

Is life meaningless?
You must give meaning to it.
Hero or villain.

I flop my dick out.
Wave it all around and shout,
"I'm a perv, no doubt!"

Eating Christmas ham.
Would Jesus have approved it?
He's a Jew, you know.



Haiku # 50610, December 19, 2013 6:06 pm ET
by df, in the season spirit! of North Pole, lending a hand
if i understand
right there is a believer
in the meaningless

ness of life here and
here there is one who believes
this life is temporary
Haiku # 50609, December 19, 2013 7:35 am ET
by vhs
ah but might as well
"enjoy it" whilst we still have
time to do so and

maybe leave this world
a better place than we left
it, oba dee, oba da
Haiku # 50608, December 19, 2013 7:30 am ET
by vhs
Write or die? Bullshit!
Everyone dies. Leaving.
Words behind their mind.
Haiku # 50607, December 19, 2013 12:43 am ET
by Mork of Boulder
i've been stuck on this
haruki murikami
guy for quite some time

why, i have no clue
i guess i like weird writers
and need to catch up

that's why I'm glad you're back dpf
Haiku # 50606, December 18, 2013 11:43 pm ET
by vhs
what i find troubling
is there's so much to read out
there in my genre

sci fi to say the
least, i am not sure if i will
get the iceberg tip!
Haiku # 50605, December 18, 2013 11:20 pm ET
by vhs
no i'm glad i did
it was very amusing
it's called comedy
Haiku # 50604, December 18, 2013 11:19 pm ET
by vhs
I bet that you wish
that you had not taken the
time to read all that
Haiku # 50603, December 18, 2013 9:18 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Hyperbolic junk
went clunk in the function trunk.
I'll go be a monk.

Edgar Allen Poe and I had been out drinking and partaking in various substances all night long... we were in his Porsche which is not a good car to go out hogging in. So, he went home (not too far away) to get his Mustang. We were taking these real porkers back to Ed's country cottage and we'd been smoking some opium and who knows what else... Edgar tries to roll a joint while driving and he loses control of the car, breaks through a barb-wire fence and we're speeding through this field at I'd guess 70 mph. And we're heading for this huge fucking oak, and I thought we were all goners, but then I yelled, "Poe! A tree!"
Haiku # 50602, December 18, 2013 9:12 pm ET
by Anonymous Poe-it
i feel like life is
this game people play before
we all pass away

and when it is done
and over, the game is done
no more playing, peace?
Haiku # 50601, December 18, 2013 12:25 pm ET
by vhs
tomorrow never comes
because tomorrow is the
day always ahead
Haiku # 50600, December 18, 2013 12:24 pm ET
by vhs
today is the day.
or maybe it's yesterday.
but not tomorrow.
Haiku # 50599, December 18, 2013 12:11 pm ET
by tomorrow is too late
let the lone wolf pine
I suppose like a clique does
then leave and relief

or wonder well what?
what happened to so and so
stories are social...
Haiku # 50598, December 17, 2013 2:04 pm ET
by vhs
i take myself way
too seriously at times which
is why "break glass for

custard pie in emergency"
thank God i like custard
Haiku # 50597, December 16, 2013 10:20 pm ET
by vhs
if the excesses
of the past are a problem
all you need to do

is add your ingredients
to the stew
Haiku # 50596, December 16, 2013 10:18 pm ET
by vhs
When was the last time
you went outside to breathe air
instead of to shop?
Haiku # 50595, December 16, 2013 3:45 pm ET
by DF
Anger in excess
overwhelms serenity
and kills all beauty.
Haiku # 50594, December 16, 2013 3:37 pm ET
by DF of On a wave. Forever.
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