BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
353 Days
and
68568 Haikus
later...
Hello, is Darth there?
No, he's busy doing math.
Sigh. Hanging up phone.
Haiku #68568, by Your friend of Under old willow
October 31, 2020 3:48 am ET

Cock Fighting Rooster
killed the local police chief
In the Philippines

Cock Fighting Rooster
had a tiny ankle blade
He was Hard As Fuck
Haiku #68567, by Cock Fancier of Cock Fight (They're fighting over me)
October 31, 2020 3:44 am ET

Wrap me in the flag
and fuck me for Old Glory!!
USA! Be Best!
Haiku #68566, by Betsy Ross' pincushion (cunt) of USA!!
October 31, 2020 2:30 am ET

Any live poets
up in this motherfucker?
Or is it just me?
Haiku #68565, by Just Me of Up in this motherfucker
October 31, 2020 2:19 am ET

Your whole life is just
a near death experience
so get used to it
Haiku #68564, by Drunk of Barstool
October 31, 2020 2:14 am ET

Young Ivanka Trump
Daddy let me grind on you
Daddy buy me this
Haiku #68563, by Bride Angel of Elektra Complex
October 30, 2020 9:52 pm ET

Take a dump on Trump.
Drink some Pump(kin) spice Latte.
Forrest Gump's hump clump.

Jennay... here's what love is!
Splat! in her face!
Haiku #68562, by Ivanka wanka Trump hump.
October 30, 2020 9:41 pm ET

That was a good show
Aunt Esther was a real hoot
Having the Big One?
Haiku #68561, by La-z-boy of Recliner
October 30, 2020 9:30 pm ET

Hahahahaha
Hahahahahahaha
Hahahahaha
Haiku #68560, by Hahahahaha of Hahahahahahaha
October 30, 2020 9:26 pm ET

Chinese communists
Aid and abet Democrats
like Biden and son.
Haiku #68559, by Selling Off of the U.S.A.
October 30, 2020 8:43 pm ET

Don't bother leaving
a suicide note at all
Let them keep guessing
Haiku #68558, by End of Life Coach of Pep Talk
October 30, 2020 5:11 pm ET

We won't take your guns
We'll just take all your money
Then you won't need guns
Haiku #68557, by Deep state Jesus
October 30, 2020 2:54 pm ET

Maximum bullshit
Eating Q crap with a fork
Only four days left
Haiku #68556, by Deep state Jesus
October 30, 2020 2:52 pm ET

Maximum Psyops:
get ready for the Deep State's
two-party system.
Haiku #68555, by Biden Yer Time to get Trumped
October 30, 2020 1:06 pm ET

I know it sounds strange
The Barney Miller theme song
makes me want to poop
Haiku #68554, by Doo doo doo doo of See ya
October 30, 2020 11:30 am ET

reeling in the years
two weeks short of twenty-four
this amazing site
Haiku #68553, by ash of persistent contribution
October 30, 2020 6:32 am ET

reaming your pumpkin
it's a noble tradition
baby light my fire
Haiku #68552, by ash
October 30, 2020 4:32 am ET

Butternut squash soup
We can all agree on this
It tastes like vomit
Haiku #68551, by Squash Smasher of Where my services are needed
October 30, 2020 3:42 am ET

The Mallards migrate
Releasing their dung in flight
Everybody duck
Haiku #68550, by Looking up of Shitty Situation
October 30, 2020 3:30 am ET

If God didn't want
us to talk about our shit
We'd just have assholes
Haiku #68549, by Noticer of Details of Under old willow
October 30, 2020 3:24 am ET

Unavoidable
All the poems on this site
are written by GOD
Haiku #68548, by Noticer of Details of Haiku Central
October 30, 2020 3:21 am ET

let's bidet farewell
scatological reviews
are boring as shit
Haiku #68547, by ash
October 30, 2020 2:06 am ET

Mega Tootsie Roll
Just in time for Halloween
And there's corn in it
Haiku #68546, by Advertisement of Paid Advertisement
October 30, 2020 1:15 am ET

Fling it: Darth's poo's large.
I want Darth inside of me.
Go! Poo Humongous!
Haiku #68545, by Gonna have to chop this one into pieces to get it to flush.
October 30, 2020 1:04 am ET

Sing it: Darth in charge
I want Darth in charge of me
Go, Darth Whorrendous!
Haiku #68544, by What's left of me of You can have it
October 29, 2020 10:37 pm ET

This is what I do.
When I poo, I poo haiku.
Then throw it at you.

And I do this too,
when writing haiku, it's poo!
Hits the fan and flew.

In lieu of the loo,
under the outhouse will do.
Please enjoy the view.

I've often fantasized about having an outhouse with captive enemies chained under the toilet so I could poo on them and read poetry at them simultaneously.
Oprah, Jerry Springer, Britney Spears, Roseanne, Courtney Love, Hulk Hogan, Bruce Lee's promoter, and every politician on the planet... and some policemen, judges, and criminals as well.
When I get to hell, I know that I will be given a job reading my poetry to sinners. So you better behave yourselves!
Haiku #68543, by Demon Cleaner Bad Poetry and Fecal Spray Gun Service
October 29, 2020 9:54 pm ET

Walter Wallace: thug.
Got himself ventilated
lunging with a knife.
Haiku #68542, by Thug Lives Do Not Matter
October 29, 2020 8:37 pm ET

Darth be like: "Bathroom".
Bad Haiku all: "Not dat, yo".
Darth say: "Oh yes y'all."
Haiku #68541, by Discrete Pleasure of Ebonics
October 29, 2020 7:42 pm ET

Forced monkey labor
We don't want to pick
Fucking coconuts
Haiku #68540, by Poop Flinger of At Large
October 29, 2020 3:40 pm ET

What's the condition
of your condition down there?
Must have been a strain.
Haiku #68539, by Gallant Knight in search of El Dorado of Where the sun don't shine
October 29, 2020 2:32 pm ET

It happened just now.
I laid a huge golden egg.
Goldschlager clogger.

The toilet won't flush
this oversized ore nugget.
Think I'll melt it down.
Haiku #68538, by Willy Wanka
October 29, 2020 2:00 pm ET

Haiku poets like
"My wet ass shit" on pussy.
Candy-ass "itch twat".
Haiku #68537, by Wipe front to back, ladies. of Keep it sanitary.
October 29, 2020 1:36 pm ET

Cardi B. be like:
"My wet-ass pussy" and shit
Candace like: "Bitch, whut?"
Haiku #68536, by Highlights of the Dialog between Two Representatives of their Respective Communities
October 29, 2020 5:12 am ET

Hasn't happened yet
But each day I check to see
If I laid an egg
Haiku #68535, by Mrs. Al Bumen of Here and there
October 29, 2020 2:15 am ET

Sea cucumber squirt.
Cool defense mechanism.
Sponge Bob's Silly-String.

Do you think Sponge Bob
ever got it on with Pearl?
Don't tell Mr. Crabs.
Haiku #68534, by Whale of a Tail. of In a pineapple under the sea.
October 28, 2020 11:28 pm ET

Not sure I like that.
In hell they pay you for spooge.
There's a huge cum lake.

Every bit helps out.
You know you've done your fair share.
Lent a helping hand.
Haiku #68533, by Damned and Doomed of Chuck Palahaniuk
October 28, 2020 11:08 am ET

I guess you could say
he blew his whole wad right then
Final expenses
Haiku #68532, by Noticer of Details of Looking on
October 28, 2020 9:14 am ET

Pennies from Heaven
Darth said, " Hey God, keep the change"
and jerked off some more
Haiku #68531, by Penny of Heaven
October 28, 2020 8:52 am ET

How do you pay up?
Do they bury you with a
billfold full of cash?
Haiku #68530, by Gent of Feeding the geese
October 28, 2020 4:08 am ET

Do they charge each time?
Or maybe by the sperm cell?
Per spasm or gram?

Cue Monty Python's
Every Sperm is Sacred.
Watch it on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzVHjg3AqIQ
Haiku #68529, by Darth Dead Parrot of He's not dead!
October 28, 2020 12:29 am ET

At the end of life
You get an invoice for all
the times you jerked off
Haiku #68528, by Mathematician of Very long division
October 28, 2020 12:01 am ET

Zombie circle jerk.
It's the best smell in the world.
Firm soggy biscuits.

Hors d'oeuvres de la mort.
Gordon Ramsay's a zombie!
And fully erect!
Haiku #68527, by I don't mean walking upright.
October 27, 2020 10:25 pm ET

Philadelphia:
That is a real zombie-fest.
The dead are shopping.
Haiku #68526, by Anonymous Poet of Po-leese Ventilated Someone
October 27, 2020 10:15 pm ET

When a zombie cums
Do you think they just explode?
Aren't they all gummed up?
Haiku #68525, by Malodorous O'Rearend of Undisclosed cranberry bog (Ireland)
October 27, 2020 9:53 pm ET

Television drool.
It's not like it was murder.
They're dead already.
Haiku #68524, by Zombies are slow b/c they are stiff. of har har har.
October 27, 2020 9:11 pm ET

Cums as no surprise.
Inside a secret toy prize.
Now, dead grandpop, rise.

The good thing about
dead families is now you
can change the channel.

Want some Doritos?
Oh, wait, never mind -- you're dead!
I'll take that beer, thanks.
Haiku #68523, by Zombies with Boners of Ask your local moritician.
October 27, 2020 6:55 pm ET

October surprise
Pumping the kin full of lead
Legit police tape
Haiku #68522, by I. Readit of In the newspaper
October 27, 2020 12:26 pm ET

If you have no "eggs",
you have absentee balot.
Lame duck abortion.

Vinegar and salt.
Donald Trump's Cheetos brand douche.
Day-glo tongue in cheek.

The best douch - so fresh.
Not like the other douches.
They're all just fake cheese!

Back-alley surgeon.
Communist planned parenthood.
Coat wire soul kebab.
Haiku #68521, by Give me that creamy white brie! of Keep your powdered cheddar.
October 27, 2020 9:51 am ET

I am not voting.
Why when others will for me?
They're educated.
Haiku #68520, by Electoral college keg party. of Don't forget "roofies", condoms, & lame duck tape. Balot!
October 27, 2020 8:47 am ET

Piss thong lacks penis
Gynecological feet
if fists are too small
Haiku #68519, by Jack hammer fire hydrant of And still not enough
October 27, 2020 8:41 am ET