Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 257 Days and 71081 Haikus later...

If not for the fact
that grandma still uses them
I just might do that.
Haiku # 71081, July 28, 2021 6:05 am ET
by Grandma can mount her own dildos.
I have an old fashioned jar opener that's got to be almost 100 years old. It still works and has always been in use. Are you thinking of mounting grandma's antique dildo collection?
Haiku # 71080, July 27, 2021 10:03 pm ET
by Use Lube
Antique furniture.
Grandma's homemade apple pie.
Uncle Joe's porch swing.
Haiku # 71079, July 27, 2021 8:50 pm ET
by Marilyn Manson
Do you have any antique hand-operated kitchen devices such as cherry-pitters.
If so, do you hang them on the wall, or actually use them?
And was it handed down to you, or did you get it at a garage or estate sale?
And lastly are you pissed off that this is not a haiku or even spam like you expected?
Haiku # 71078, July 27, 2021 8:15 pm ET
by Tits.
If you don't wear pants
while you are meditating,
you will not crap them.
Haiku # 71077, July 27, 2021 2:40 pm ET
by I love farting in yoga class.
If you meditate
while you are crapping your pants,
do it in Walmart.
Haiku # 71076, July 27, 2021 2:37 pm ET
by Your 5 minutes of fame.
Japanese fountain.
Diarrhea yoga mix.
You get the picture.
Haiku # 71075, July 27, 2021 10:21 am ET
by Enlightening. of You will be lighter when finished.
If you crap your pants
while you are meditating
you're doing it right
Haiku # 71074, July 27, 2021 7:53 am ET
by Downward Facing of Dung
I guess that explains
the litters of figpuppers
(Telling Bob Barker)
Haiku # 71073, July 27, 2021 5:08 am ET
by Consolation Prize of Turtle Wax
Never used Kleenex.
Tossed it to the dog next door.
Defenestrated.
Haiku # 71072, July 27, 2021 3:36 am ET
by The dog won many blue ribbons for its shiny coat.
Poseknicker poem made me laugh
Haiku # 71071, July 27, 2021 12:32 am ET
by Sk of pnw
I want you in me
With enough lubrication
the midget vanished
Haiku # 71070, July 27, 2021 12:29 am ET
by I. Hearhim of He must be around here somewhere
You mean to tell me
All those wadded up Kleenex
are for your boogers?
Haiku # 71069, July 27, 2021 12:25 am ET
by Darth's Mom of Looking under his bed
I want you in me,
the lion roared with menace
before he ate me.
Haiku # 71068, July 26, 2021 11:33 pm ET
by Now I'm a lion fart. of They roar from both ends.
I want you in me,
she whispered seductively.
So I picked her nose.
Haiku # 71067, July 26, 2021 11:31 pm ET
by Darth Poseknicker.
Golden Age of Porn
Dirk Figgpuckler picks his nose
Oh, those Boogie Nights
Haiku # 71066, July 26, 2021 11:24 pm ET
by Mark of Wallbooger
Golden Age of Porn
Dirk Figgpuckler picks his nose
Oh, those Boogie Nights
Haiku # 71065, July 26, 2021 11:24 pm ET
by Mark of Wallbooger
Oh Goddess, get stuffed.
Great celestial roast turkey you serve us all. Hail!
Haiku # 71064, July 26, 2021 10:59 pm ET
by Noble Pagan Praises of Turkey Goddess
Be my meat, oh bird.
Nest within my whole wheat bread.
Leftover goddess!

Just like prostitutes.
Dark or white doesn't matter.
As long as juicy.
Haiku # 71063, July 26, 2021 10:36 pm ET
by Is it Spanksgiving yet?
When it comes to fowl
I highly prefer turkey.
Perfect for munchies.
Haiku # 71062, July 26, 2021 7:26 pm ET
by Make me a samich!
At the county fair
Farmer Brown's huge black pecker
got the blue ribbon.
Haiku # 71061, July 26, 2021 7:23 pm ET
by Exotic poultry competition.
Chickens smoke pot in
a higher pecking order.
Farmer Brown's cookies.
Haiku # 71060, July 26, 2021 7:20 pm ET
by The cows just moo.
Your job is to eat
and run around and peck things
Have any questions?
Haiku # 71059, July 26, 2021 5:06 pm ET
by I Was going to ask where the the bathroom is located of But on further inspection , everybody just shits on the floor
Poemotomy.
Me bottom in autumn lobs
poo and poetry.
Haiku # 71058, July 26, 2021 4:53 pm ET
by Well, actually all year, but some months are better than others.
As the stink from skunks
poetry is secreted
from a lower gland.
Haiku # 71057, July 26, 2021 4:51 pm ET
by dissecting in literature class
These plates smell like bleach
A bonus for the dishwasher
Thanks for your huge tip
Haiku # 71056, July 26, 2021 4:33 pm ET
by I. Orderedscrambledeggs of Yelp
If people laid eggs
things would be a lot different
I guarantee that
Haiku # 71055, July 26, 2021 4:28 pm ET
by Lester Longpig of 24 Hour Cannibal Brunch
Here's Janis naked.
Her brother sold me this pic.
Near forty years back.
Haiku # 71054, July 26, 2021 2:07 pm ET
by https://www.booksie.com/files/postings/35/428371-202410_MEDIA_IMAGE_.jpg
I did your breakfast.
Scrambled eggs, extra creamy.
I DID your breakfast.
Haiku # 71053, July 26, 2021 1:39 pm ET
by eggs with eggs

Now I am ready to do my breakfast, when having my breakfast coming again to read more news.
Haiku # 71052, July 26, 2021 10:50 am ET
by Larryses of Vietnam
Oh, I thought you would
replace the booger right back
to its origin.
Haiku # 71051, July 26, 2021 3:45 am ET
by Scratch & Sniff.
There is a reason
Your nose is far from your bum
God is Good, that's why
Haiku # 71050, July 26, 2021 3:14 am ET
by Put a booger in your bum. Fart freely for 2-4 hours of Remove booger. Figpucker homemade chewing gum hack
Food and bowel movements.
In one hole, out the other.
Consumerism.
Haiku # 71049, July 26, 2021 1:19 am ET
by I am a product of Bugs Bunny and Gilligan's Island.
There's a solution
Remove the poetry lobe
Sign the dotted line
Haiku # 71048, July 25, 2021 9:00 pm ET
by Miracles of Science
Bad Haiku Shrink
"Patient writes poems about food"
"and bowel movements"
Haiku # 71047, July 25, 2021 8:57 pm ET
by Dr. Haiku of Old Willow Mental Hospital
Like the moon and stars,
buttholes are never evil;
they simply exist.
Haiku # 71046, July 25, 2021 7:38 pm ET
by meditate on that
Talk about tube steak.
Smothered in viscous gravy.
Those chunks aren't giblets.
Haiku # 71045, July 25, 2021 7:36 pm ET
by Gobble gobble.
My eight inch anus
has impressed many hookers
when they first grab it.
Haiku # 71044, July 25, 2021 7:34 pm ET
by Thick and juicy!
You speak in riddles
Your butthole can't be evil
Knock Knock, Figpucker?
Haiku # 71043, July 25, 2021 5:58 pm ET
by Waiting of You ask who's there
Darth published a book!
He published it on Google.
With his own butthole.
Haiku # 71042, July 25, 2021 5:06 pm ET
by Figpucker the lord of EVIL BUTTHOLES
I seen Figpucker.
He was in that manual
of bowel conditions.
Haiku # 71041, July 25, 2021 5:00 pm ET
by Gastroenterology of HAIKU
Darth, we LOVE to hear
about your prolapsed anus.
Do tell us some more.
Haiku # 71040, July 25, 2021 4:40 pm ET
by Stringing Figpucker Along of STRING CHEESE
Wheres's Earth Wormfucker?
Off to chew holes in apples?.
Stuck on a fishhook?
Haiku # 71039, July 25, 2021 12:21 pm ET
by Whenyawannafuckit Butcanttellwhichendiswhich of Hawaii
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Haiku # 71038, July 25, 2021 1:11 am ET
by novostic.ru of США
I didn't believe
about the earthworm story
Google says it's true
Haiku # 71037, July 25, 2021 12:30 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
The other partner
I'm assuming it's the worm.
The worm that's smoking.
Haiku # 71036, July 24, 2021 10:10 pm ET
by Noticer of What did I just see, Darth?
Have you ever put
an earth worm in your pee hole?
An old native trick.

Great for both partners.
I know you don't believe it.
Go and look it up!
Haiku # 71035, July 24, 2021 7:23 pm ET
by Chief Running Schlong
Have you ever put
an earth worm in your pee hole?
An old native trick.

Great for both partners.
I know you don't believe it.
Go and look it up!
Haiku # 71034, July 24, 2021 7:23 pm ET
by Chief Running Schlong
The Brown Spud Special.
Viagra, roofies, ex-lax.
You know, Trainspotting.
Haiku # 71033, July 24, 2021 7:05 pm ET
by Shit the bed!
What's it called when you
mix Viagra and roofies?
I thought you would know.
Haiku # 71032, July 24, 2021 1:59 pm ET
by This week's fun quiz brought to you by Depends Undergarments of Protection you can trust! (unlike your parents' condoms.)
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