Solar ejections:
Spasmodic spurts into space
From the corona

Please do not fear the
gaseous ejaculate.
Here's a free sample.

Maybe it's a worm.
Maybe it's a pachyderm.
Ether makes me squirm.

Let us reminisce
the penile flatulence.
Effervescent sperm.

One-eyed prostitute.
I'll keep an eye out for you.
Glass eye lubricant.

The junk's in the trunk.
I wet humped the cheese thinking
Of your dry pillow.

Under old willow
Darth dry humped his pillow. (moan)
whilst thinking of cheese

Do you look for slime?
I didn't see much eyeballs
or any pubes

The centipede's junk
How do you tell the difference?
Like, what end's the junk?

When we speak of food,
should it be before eaten,
or when it comes out?

Or continuous
recycling like in The
Human Centipede?

If given a choice,
would you pick the front or back?
That is a tough one!

Darth Figpucker's Guide
to the Finer Things in Life
Book Signing (dink pen)

Carrots, peas, onions
Beets, scallions, corn, ghost peppers
All haunting my shit

Donald's not finished.
Q told me so. It's all fake.
Trump shall RISE AGAIN!

Shniffle doople plonk.
Shlop bop ba loo bop plah-doooo.
Rham-schtankerfiendom.

Deserted island
Maybe wearing a loin cloth
Permanent boner

Describe some more food
Almost as good as eating
Say something spicy

Bad Haiku News

Trump Impeached again
Flint water: Rick Snyder charged
Trump "Don't pay Rudy"

Quarantine boredom
Pleasure myself with haiku
Finish myself off

Quarantine boredom
My hot online fantasy
Is just a ghost fuck

Why are those boys proud?
They've not done anything good.
Counterexamples?

I will soon be home.
There I'll eat something yummy.
Maybe I'll tell you.

Diagonalized
subhyperdimensional
linearity.

I near pooped myself.
And it isn't even real.
Santa Claus told me.

That Szechuan haiku
Stolen from the Japanese
Cheap Chinese ripoffs

That Szechuan chicken
With the three kinds of pepper
Better than haiku

Where the hell are you?
Come on now, don't die on me.
Tell me I'm so wrong!

What, you're still asleep?!
Get your fat ass out of bed!
Make some damn breakfast!

The dairy cow mooed.
The sheep just stared and bleated.
The pig did TikTok.

What is wrong with you?
How can you post such vile filth?
What made you this way?

I don't hate women,
but I sneak in their restrooms
and pee on the seats.

Infuse HIV
into the covid membrane.
Hey, it's worth a shot.

How have I performed?
Please rate me at Yelp dot com.
I will send you nudes.

Do cows enjoy drugs?
We need to experiment
then survey the cows.

At the capital
dose all the Proud Boy rebels.
It would have been fun.

Cars powered by farts
Breakdown on Methane Highway
They ran out of gas

I'm not a robot
Ever heard of a robot
with a ten pound dink?

best drugstore highlighter http://pharmacy-onlineasxs.com/ canada rx pharmacy

Not asking for much
Just to blend in with your soul
If you still have one

In these troubled times
Mandatory pot smoking
Everybody puff

He left the seat up
She stabbed him fifty six times
Don't leave the seat up

I would be wary
of the large cassowary.
And too expensive!

That bird is a bitch
Everybody's talking 'bout
the Cassowary Bird

Let's talk pet monkeys
They need lots of attention
They'll fling shit at you

Why haven't you tried
Car Wash fellatio ride
Afraid to get wet?

Chicken!

I ate someone good.
So my haiku are glowing.
Or my face is glazed.

Name an animal
that you fuck before eating
tick tock tick tock tick

Darth, this batch of Haikus is gold

You must have eaten something good or got laid

Fartologist, I.
My autobiography.
Catchy title, no?

Fartologist, I.
My autobiography
title. Catchy, no?

Methane emissions
of dairy bovine pollute
the earth's atmosphere.

Almost as bad as
cars' fossil fuel combustion.
We need cow gas traps.

Put that waste to use.
Like for cooking hamburgers!
Where will it all end?!