Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 341 Days and 72825 Haikus later...

I'll eat cereal
with my headless conjoined twin.
Fucking holidays.
Haiku # 72825, October 19, 2021 1:17 pm ET
by Noticer of Suicidal ideation
I miss Thanksgiving.
Grandparents, uncles, cousins.
Good homecooked dinner.
Haiku # 72824, October 19, 2021 12:10 pm ET
by Johnny, don't play with yourself under the table cloth!
You are so stupid.
All holidays are plastic.
Nothing more is "real".
Haiku # 72823, October 19, 2021 12:07 pm ET
by Plastic bought with plastic by plastic people. of Death to America! Jihad! Jihad!
You know me too well.
I don't really mind, of course.
Who do you work for?

Government agent?
Private investigator?
Pervert revenge squad?

Do your worst, my dear.
These days I just yearn for death.
Too long in this world.

Cyanide capsule for emergencies.

Can't wait to go back to Thailand. Good food and anything I would do seems half-way normal compared to the outright debauchery and decadence in that crazy place. And not locked in by ocean.
I would love to see the deep jungle. Wild tigers and giant snakes. I might make a good snack.
Haiku # 72822, October 19, 2021 12:06 pm ET
by Darth Go Ahead and Jump! of JUMP!
Dancing with Grandma.
Lot of work digging her up.
We shared some whiskey.

Can the dead trip balls?
I laced her drink with acid.
We will soon find out.
Haiku # 72821, October 19, 2021 11:56 am ET
by Funky familial fiestas.
Customer service?
Found a hair in my candies
Oompa Loompa pubes!
Haiku # 72820, October 19, 2021 11:46 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
It's a lot of work
Inserting a razor blade
in every apple
Haiku # 72819, October 19, 2021 11:43 am ET
by Busy
I pick Black Sabbath.
Their music is biblical.
The Lord likes that band.
Haiku # 72818, October 19, 2021 11:31 am ET
by War Pigs of Prophecy
Halloween is shit.
Typical U.S. blowout:
Plastic and sugar.
Haiku # 72817, October 19, 2021 11:29 am ET
by Hypoglycemia of Made in China
I tried Thorazine
It was back in the 80's...
It made my brain crawl.
Haiku # 72816, October 19, 2021 11:26 am ET
by It Was Not Prescribed of Not Fun
The one that we pick
is your Halloween costume?
I pick Van Halen

High on Wonka bars
wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt
It's Darthula Roth!

Doing the backflip
Scaring old people at mall
The obvious choice
Haiku # 72815, October 19, 2021 10:50 am ET
by Noticer of Rocktober Surprise
Pick one:
Ozzy Osbourne
Motley Crue
Van Halen (with David Lee)
Led Zepplin
Pink Floyd
Haiku # 72814, October 19, 2021 8:24 am ET
by This is NOT a test.
God hates all poets.
Not just the ones who write here.
Yes, even Shakespere.
Haiku # 72813, October 19, 2021 8:21 am ET
by He told me this. of Then kicked me in the balls. God is vengeful.
Had too much to drink.
Ate balot with vinegar.
Barfed up duck fetus.

Now I'm one of them.
Next week we do human flesh.
Maybe Halloween.

mushrooms and lots of good rum.
Life gets no better.
Haiku # 72812, October 19, 2021 8:13 am ET
by At least it's not meth!
A clean asylum.
Sanitary sanity.
Nurse Ratchet's undies.
Haiku # 72811, October 19, 2021 6:18 am ET
by Here, have some thorazine. of Excellent vintage.
Ladies' room trashcan.
Unsanitary napkins.
Vampire tea bags.
Haiku # 72810, October 19, 2021 5:34 am ET
by You are NOT the father.
Sale! Bad Haiku Merch
Signed Figpucker coffee mug
Haiku # 72809, October 19, 2021 1:30 am ET
by Noticer of Side Hustle
He wrote things backwards
Leonardo Da Vinci
Haiku # 72808, October 18, 2021 11:28 pm ET
by Bass of Ackwards
I just looked into
Gizzards of cassowaries
A dangerous bird
Haiku # 72807, October 18, 2021 7:42 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
The gizzard, also referred to as the ventriculus, gastric mill, and gigerium, is an organ found in the digestive tract of some animals, including archosaurs (pterosaurs, crocodiles, alligators, dinosaurs including birds), earthworms, some gastropods, some fish, and some crustaceans. This specialized stomach constructed of thick muscular walls is used for grinding up food, often aided by particles of stone or grit. In certain insects and molluscs, the gizzard features chitinous plates or teeth.
Haiku # 72806, October 18, 2021 4:44 pm ET
by Are you happy. of Wickedpedia
The Bible needs more.
Oh so many modern sins.
Hawaiian pizza!
Haiku # 72805, October 18, 2021 4:41 pm ET
by Is there a level of hell deep enough for Hawaiian pizza?
Jesus loves us all.
Even if we write haiku.
One amazing guy.
Haiku # 72804, October 18, 2021 4:39 pm ET
by Isn't that something!
I heard a buzzing.
It's a giant mosquito!
No, Mary Poppins.
Haiku # 72803, October 18, 2021 4:37 pm ET
by I bet Leonardo never thought of that flight method. of ... or did he?
Yuppy women say,
"I think I'll do a latte."
I'd like to see that.

One way to get wet.
Minor emergency burns.
Those urban legends.
Haiku # 72802, October 18, 2021 4:34 pm ET
by Vinte Grande Vagine of Cavernous caffeine chaos.
Mary Poppins twat
The flapping makes her fly
over the rooftops
Haiku # 72801, October 18, 2021 3:39 pm ET
by Chimney sweep of Now stuck in chimney with an unfortunate boner
Thirty years ago
I worked for a bakery
Now I just get baked
Haiku # 72800, October 18, 2021 3:34 pm ET
by Gatita estrella
I don't "do" donuts.
Tried it once, it's too sticky.
Croissants, however...
Haiku # 72799, October 18, 2021 1:40 pm ET
by Butter 'em up!
Father, forgive me
I thought this confessional
was the Men's restroom

Forgiven, my son
But did you have to wipe your
ass with the Bible?
Haiku # 72798, October 18, 2021 1:13 pm ET
by Holy Shit
What is a gizzard?
Haiku # 72797, October 18, 2021 1:05 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
How much coffee
are you guzzling over there?
What about doughnuts?
Haiku # 72796, October 18, 2021 12:28 pm ET
by Concerned
No one knows this, but
there's a fox living on top
Donald Trump's head
Haiku # 72795, October 18, 2021 12:20 pm ET
by We're Both Rabid!! We stink!! of Greasy balls and fast food
Woke Halloween. Masks
are inherently racist.
But whiteface is cool.
Haiku # 72794, October 18, 2021 11:10 am ET
by Blackface Minstrel of Culturally Appropriate Attire
Halloween Costume!
Simon and Garfunkel suit
Fits all conjoined twins
Haiku # 72793, October 18, 2021 7:25 am ET
by Central Park Squirrel
Old and wrinkled now
Manson Family Reunion
Witchy Golden Girls
Haiku # 72792, October 18, 2021 7:13 am ET
by Movie Ranch of Death Valley
The Manson costume
Go for the hippie love beads
or orange jumpsuit?
Haiku # 72791, October 18, 2021 7:00 am ET
by Truck or Treating of Cielo Drive
Meat Lovers' Pizza
Eat the delivery guy
this Halloween night
Haiku # 72790, October 18, 2021 6:44 am ET
by Ding Dong of doorbell
Just plain old Charlie.
Two weeks of method acting.
I might go too far.
Haiku # 72789, October 18, 2021 6:40 am ET
by Oh well. Who needs celebrities anyhow?
A Mary Poppins
cross dressing Charles Manson!
...No, I better not.
Haiku # 72788, October 18, 2021 6:36 am ET
by could lead to trouble. of And a sore ass the next morning.
docious is stupid.
Haiku # 72787, October 18, 2021 6:32 am ET
by And it's not even atrocious. of Oh! I know! Charles Manson! That would be cool.
Back to Halloween.
What do cannibals look like?
Difficult costume.
Haiku # 72786, October 18, 2021 6:25 am ET
by Frustrated now. And sad.
If cannibals ate
Sir Isaac Newton, would they
then know calculus?
Haiku # 72785, October 18, 2021 6:23 am ET
by Let's give it a try. of Eat me, eat me raw. Or cooked. Your choice.
You need an alarm.
Warns you of new haiku posts.
Respond right away!

Could always be worse.
At least it's not calculus.
I miss Fig Newtons.
Haiku # 72784, October 18, 2021 6:19 am ET
by Know what I mean? of No... I guess you don't.
Halloween is close.
Which monster is scariest?
What should I go as?

More importantly,
depending on who you ask,
can that monster surf?
Haiku # 72783, October 18, 2021 5:52 am ET
by Mad-cow-a-bunga, dude.
Will they eat themselves
if they get the munchies bad?
Cannibals, I mean.

Cannibal #1: "Hey, Bob, missing an arm this morning, I see."
Cannibal #2: "Yeah, me and the missus smoked a bit too much of that Polonesian Purple last night. You know how it is."
Cannibal #1: "I hear you, my brother. We ate mom at the family reunion last week when cousin John brought half an ounce of home grown. Gonna miss her."
Haiku # 72782, October 18, 2021 5:48 am ET
by Hannibal on vacation.
This world needs more cats,
fewer dogs, and no people.
Except cannibals.
Haiku # 72781, October 17, 2021 11:34 pm ET
by Keep the population down somehow, yeah?
I grew the catnip
Plant name is Little Buddy
Plant more weed. Less Squash.
Haiku # 72780, October 17, 2021 11:03 pm ET
by Sk of Outside litter pan...I
If you snort catnip,
you'll better understand life
and how good mice taste.
Haiku # 72779, October 17, 2021 10:42 pm ET
by nothing like a few rodents when you got the munchies
Love me some Hendrix.
All Along The Watchtower.
Played it on repeat.
Haiku # 72778, October 17, 2021 10:03 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Ghislaine and Jeffrey
Sitting in a tree. K-I-
Haiku # 72777, October 17, 2021 9:51 pm ET
by St. James of TerraMar
Darth is my deejay
I got into the catnip
and cranked up Jimi
Haiku # 72776, October 17, 2021 9:04 pm ET
by Starkitten of Friends with beneFigs
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