If not for the fact
that grandma still uses them
I just might do that.

I have an old fashioned jar opener that's got to be almost 100 years old. It still works and has always been in use. Are you thinking of mounting grandma's antique dildo collection?

Antique furniture.
Grandma's homemade apple pie.
Uncle Joe's porch swing.

Do you have any antique hand-operated kitchen devices such as cherry-pitters.
If so, do you hang them on the wall, or actually use them?
And was it handed down to you, or did you get it at a garage or estate sale?
And lastly are you pissed off that this is not a haiku or even spam like you expected?

If you don't wear pants
while you are meditating,
you will not crap them.

If you meditate
while you are crapping your pants,
do it in Walmart.

Japanese fountain.
Diarrhea yoga mix.
You get the picture.

If you crap your pants
while you are meditating
you're doing it right

I guess that explains
the litters of figpuppers
(Telling Bob Barker)

Never used Kleenex.
Tossed it to the dog next door.
Defenestrated.

Poseknicker poem made me laugh

I want you in me
With enough lubrication
the midget vanished

You mean to tell me
All those wadded up Kleenex
are for your boogers?

I want you in me,
the lion roared with menace
before he ate me.

I want you in me,
she whispered seductively.
So I picked her nose.

Golden Age of Porn
Dirk Figgpuckler picks his nose
Oh, those Boogie Nights

Golden Age of Porn
Dirk Figgpuckler picks his nose
Oh, those Boogie Nights

Oh Goddess, get stuffed.
Great celestial roast turkey you serve us all. Hail!

Be my meat, oh bird.
Nest within my whole wheat bread.
Leftover goddess!

Just like prostitutes.
Dark or white doesn't matter.
As long as juicy.

When it comes to fowl
I highly prefer turkey.
Perfect for munchies.

At the county fair
Farmer Brown's huge black pecker
got the blue ribbon.

Chickens smoke pot in
a higher pecking order.
Farmer Brown's cookies.

Your job is to eat
and run around and peck things
Have any questions?

Poemotomy.
Me bottom in autumn lobs
poo and poetry.

As the stink from skunks
poetry is secreted
from a lower gland.

These plates smell like bleach
A bonus for the dishwasher
Thanks for your huge tip

If people laid eggs
things would be a lot different
I guarantee that

Here's Janis naked.
Her brother sold me this pic.
Near forty years back.

I did your breakfast.
Scrambled eggs, extra creamy.
I DID your breakfast.

Now I am ready to do my breakfast, when having my breakfast coming again to read more news.

Oh, I thought you would
replace the booger right back
to its origin.

There is a reason
Your nose is far from your bum
God is Good, that's why

Food and bowel movements.
In one hole, out the other.
Consumerism.

There's a solution
Remove the poetry lobe
Sign the dotted line

Bad Haiku Shrink
"Patient writes poems about food"
"and bowel movements"

Like the moon and stars,
buttholes are never evil;
they simply exist.

Talk about tube steak.
Smothered in viscous gravy.
Those chunks aren't giblets.

My eight inch anus
has impressed many hookers
when they first grab it.

You speak in riddles
Your butthole can't be evil
Knock Knock, Figpucker?

Darth published a book!
He published it on Google.
With his own butthole.

I seen Figpucker.
He was in that manual
of bowel conditions.

Darth, we LOVE to hear
about your prolapsed anus.
Do tell us some more.

Wheres's Earth Wormfucker?
Off to chew holes in apples?.
Stuck on a fishhook?

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I didn't believe
about the earthworm story
Google says it's true

The other partner
I'm assuming it's the worm.
The worm that's smoking.

Have you ever put
an earth worm in your pee hole?
An old native trick.

Great for both partners.
I know you don't believe it.
Go and look it up!

Have you ever put
an earth worm in your pee hole?
An old native trick.

Great for both partners.
I know you don't believe it.
Go and look it up!

The Brown Spud Special.
Viagra, roofies, ex-lax.
You know, Trainspotting.

What's it called when you
mix Viagra and roofies?
I thought you would know.