were the best way to get the chance to get laid. Alcohol and drugs weren't helping. Try to make yourself look sexy. Change your hair part. Lose the dandruff. Shave off that ridiculous Hitler moustache
by Get Real
Butter my biscuit
Now spread the marmite thick, mate
Cassowary spooge
by Running of Faster than Usain Bolt
Sex toy collection
Chinese factory workers
Laughing their heads off
by Proud owner of Dildo
Medical experts
Penis examination
Salami platter
Cheese cubes on toothpicks
Vacuuming blood off the walls
All work and no play
by After 5
Have you ever put
foreign objects up your cock?
The doctor asked him.
Like made in China?
he bewilderedly replied
while urinating.
The urologist
prescribed castration and a
possible sex change.
Like doggy style?
he asked, finger up his ass.
That's my job, doc said.
by There's nothing wrong with fucking earwigs wearing wigs. of George Washington and David Bowie. Rocket man's ashes to ashes.
Green eyes on Friday
I may never know her name
Watch her pick her nose
by D train
Romantic movies
Candlelight and chocolates
Then you ruined it...Faaaaaarrrrtttttttt
by Anonymous Poet
Impersonation
Expectorating grease sludge
Wuzzitgoodforyou?
by Earwigfucker
I'm Darth Figpucker.
I like to sniff monkey farts.
And impregnate chimps.
by The Real Darth Figpucker
The curse of Brexit:
A nation ripped apart by
Xenophobia
by Sad Brit of Hell
Exterior crust
That
by Baked
Riding the see saw
The weight of your mammoth schlong
Throws it off kilter
by Rex Centaur
Bakedbeansalute
by Anonymous Poet
Need a hand to hold
The one you don
by Anonymous Poet
Construction workers
Port-o-let Museum tour
Frozen fecal chunks
by Anonymous Poet
Dr. Mehmet Oz
Always hustling vegetables
Passing softened stool
by Porch Spy
Named my dink Kojak
My, how he shines in sunlight
Who loves ya, baby?
by Illuminated knob
Restaurant etiquette
External predigestion
Please use the drive thru
by Anonymous Poet
The day we were wed
Demons danced on your shoulder
With tiny pitchforks
by Couch snoozer
Where is my asshole?
This hive mind mentality
Compound eye bullshit
by Can
Turned into a bug
Emitting a high pitched noise
Can
by Changed of Running down the road
Like some strange creatures,
I vomited up my guts,
all over my food.
I believe that's called
external predigestion.
Hiccup! Excuse me!
by df
*singEing, but of course.
Singing butt hairs would be weird.
My, but my butt stinks.
by df
Cuntfart Cunt's my wife.
I'm fairly certain of this.
If I call her fat...
Cuntfart stops posting.
Crying in the "comfort room".
a.k.a. bathroom.
There's no comfort found
in a Philippines bathroom;
There's never TP.
Many mosquitoes.
Ass looks like a strawberry.
So many red bites.
by df
Cutting the cheese farts.
Limburger overdose poots.
That's not ammonia.
Real farts have sulfides.
Stinky cheese has amine smell.
They are not the same.
When the poets poot.
Candlelight gas explosions.
Singing hidden hairs.
by Darth Figpucker's friend, Bob, the all-knowing jackass. of Bathtub cheese factory -- amphetamine mother fucker
Dogs always find out
Is there cheese in your pocket?
Fart stain in your pants?
by Anonymous Poet
I can hear God's dog.
It's vomiting on my couch.
Or my wife's horny.
by df
Despite what they say,
vaginas do not explode,
even with Pop Rocks.
by df
My enormous cunt
remains unsatisfied by
your tiny penis.
by Donald Trump's prostitute
She would leave me.
But she's become a fat pig.
Nobody wants her.
by Darth Figpucker
Nothing is wasted
If I have to use tweezers
I will smoke this roach
by Frugal
Grinch farts Grinch farts, yeah!
Grinch farts Grinch farts Grinch farts, yeah!
Grinch farts Grinch farts, yeah!
by Jim Morrison of Yelling
Tried to get it on
With a horny stoplight once
But no GO signal
by Consent
Maybe we could try
Still have a few drinks and screw
In a dark alley
by Robot
Poetry Robot
No marital relations
Ejaculates grease
by Watch your step
Grinch farts up the front
Impressive labia stunt
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
by Paid advertisement
I do not have a wife. I am not a lesbian. I am single.
by Anonymous Poet
I mentioned the wife,
but you are back to Grinch Farts.
What is wrong with you?
by Anonymous Poet
Grinch farts for Christmas
Just the right size for stockings
So green and smelly
by Can wait until Christmas
Poles Dancing Club. What?
Accordions..Bobby Vinton!?
Not as expected
by Anonymous Poet
Imagine Darth's wife.
Does he even have a wife?
If so, pity her.
by Conjugal Conjugations of Wife
Beastiality
Turned myself in to the cops
For screwing a pig
by Wait of That's my wife
Looking for something ?
I hope it's not poetry
You won't find that here
by Poet of Here
run run hurdle
Run run hurdle run run
Run run hurdle
by Track meet of Track
Trump toilet paper
Each square displays his visage
Orange becomes burnt ombré
by Grunting of Terlit
Time for a poem
I assume the position
Push out another
by Pooet of Poetry Well
I'm not complaining
Watching you bend over now
Picking up a dime
by Dime dropper
Please don't get me wrong
I'm not sure what to say here
But I sure can count
by Haiku poet of Syllables
I'm not a bad man
I flush after I go poo
Don't spit on the streets
by Anonymous Poet
