I will bear your child,
and birth the fruit of our love
while in the bathroom.
by Excremeditation of Haiku Buttsplit
I would cut your cheese
and even grill your sandwich,
though I'm not worthy.
by Chevalier Fondue de Raclette of Cheese and Chivalry
You are Limburger,
aged Asiago and warm Brie
and Velveeta too.
by Rennet Mold of Curdling Process
Oh Darth, you're the cheese!
The most fragrant rarest cheese.
(Spread on a cracker.)
by Stoned Wheat Thins of Roquefort Stilton
Oh Darth, handsome Darth:
Come to my arms, gentle prince.
First, wipe the shit off . . .
by My Secret Haiku Love of Shit-smeared Prince
My haiku will reign.
Mother of all haiku: mine.
Wait -- what IS haiku?
by Haikai of Wrong Guy
Eleven haiku
and not one mention of "Darth"
or my love of cheese.
I am proud of you.
Your obsession is waning.
Viagra ran out?
by Darth Figpucker
Syllabic heaven:
the celestial formula
equals seventeen.
by That magazine with girls in it of 1979
Kanagawa hai!
Shizuoka Saitama
Okayama-san.
by Prefect of PREFECTURES
The rising sun wins!
Rising sun has smoked your ass,
unpoetic ape.
by Red Rays of RISING SUN
Crystal Meth and thou:
Sha-mi-sen, koto music
My white-face geisha . . .
by Meth Session with Imperial Concubine of Shhhhhh Don't Wake Shogun
Ha ha: dick in ass . . .
Stupid gaijin butt-monkey:
You put in wrong place.
by Long Race of Wong Prace
Cloud-pearls on Fuji . . .
Swaying bamboo grove of dusk . . .
Time to snort crystal!
by Hillbilly Meth-freak Orientalist of Fukuoka Prefecture
Hey thar uncle Clem:
kin you git these Chinamen
offen muh front porch?
by Incomprehension of Appalachia
Samurai haiku:
Carp singing in cherry tree...
paradise was gained.
by Post-seppuku Bliss of Imperial Shogun Haiku Guard
Commit sepukku:
Stick the haiku in and twist.
That's REAL poetry.
by Honorable Discharge of Disembowelment By Syllable
You stupid gaijin,
You can't even write haiku;
Smelly white monkey.
by Hail Divine Emperor Hirohito of Plastic Noodle Replica
You prose invaders
will soon feel Haiku’s full wrath.
Haiku does not run.
by Haiku Defense Force of Divine Wind of Rising Sun
When Angie got home
She found someone left a hint
A Summer's Eve douche
by Paid Advertisement
I know who it was
Patrick Swayze's ghost intrudes
Molds your dink like clay
Brought it on yourself
He watched you dirty dancing
at the Jollibee
by If you don't want to attract ghosts of Tone it down
Not a restful sleep
Sleep number is sixty nine.
even during naps
by Purring of Downstairs Kitty
It was her moment
They were all hot for Teacher
She fingered her slit
by Noticer of Details
He had been depressed
but she ignored the signals
and kept racewalking
by Brenda L. of Camden, NJ
Brenda's sad haiku:
Menopausal sister's screams...
sterile suicide.
by See, I haikuized It 4 U of Camden Haiku Support
Hot car mechanic
Slid out from under my car
with a huge boner
by Just now of Midas
ATTENTION ! Haiku.
We make haiku in this place.
Less syllable please.
by Dog-Faced Nazi Woman Guard of Buchenwald
What about space head?
Will your spooje just float along?
Space dinks always hard?
by You must know if you drink Tang
I've a yin for yen
yang poon Tang orange breakfast drink
think pink stink skate rink.
by I wholeheartedly concur!
I bought a dildo.
I thought you would enjoy it.
But you just want cake.
by Marie Antoinette's ghost.
I feel important
Never been an apprentice
I feel like boasting
by Apprentice of The Dark Lord
You will not act like
Evil Dark Lord Figpucker.
There can be just one!
by But you can be the apprentice.
It should be legal
To cook and eat your children
if they are naughty.
Or the neighbors' kids.
Or just kids in general.
Now I am hungry.
by The Wicked Witch of the West. of And your little dog too!
The fecal transplant
What if it makes me act like
that Darth Figpucker?
by Worried
You could very well
have health issues if your farts
have a bad odor.
Perhaps you need a
fecal transplant to restore
intestinal health.
I'll be your donor.
Tell your friends and family
that I gave you shit.
by Har har har.
Just one more question
Does fart smell indicate health?
How are you alive?
by Someone of Barely breathing
Flatulence is art.
When compared to these haiku.
Just to clear the air.
by There should be a fart museum. of Recordings, high fiber foods, smell emulators, skid marked undies, decibal meters, seismographs, etc.
Just letting you know
None of this was in the lease
Give deposit back!
by Anonymous Poet of Moving out
All people should die!
And dye their hair bright purple.
And pretend they are gay.
by Rainbow heros! of It's ma'am!
If we murder God,
who can we blame for our faults?
Surely not Satan!
by I smell sulfur. of Oh... right. The eggs.
Homemade pasta sauce
over whole wheat spahetti
and tiramisu.
by Did u notice the waiter's Italian sausage of Ha! Beat u to it!
Scrambled eggs with lox.
Unlocked breakfast potential.
And bloody mary.
by One week sodium allowance.
I want a cupcake.
Chocolate with coffee icing.
And an espresso.
by Your local bakeshop.
He lifted his kilt
We saw the Loch Ness Monster
playing the bagpipes
by Merle Haggis of Barstool
You no have tickee
You no gettee bad haiku.
Cash only. Chop chop.
by Hong's Laundry of I No Pay You Stand Around Get To Work
You writee some strange.
You make too much ficky-fick.
You are stupid guy.
by Hong's Chinese Laundry of Old San Fran 1904
I saw cheese wrappers,
haiku written on napkins,
and tiny condoms
by I knew it must have been you of Beach
Hey, how did you know
we went to the beach today?
A seagull told you?
by Eternal Sandcastle of Bad Haiku
Don't you just hate it
Seagull ruins day at the beach
Flies off with my cock
by Dejected of Old Towel
A high, whiny voice
is how most of them would sound
if they had a mouth
by All dinks sound like Pinocchio
Or what if dinks
had a face identical
to the man attached?
by U. Look of Familiar
