Rappers in their cribs.
They should wear Depends diapers.
Pants down to their knees.

"Kill the policemen,"
the lyrics thump from their cars
heard two blocks away.

"Gangsters" aren't so bad
as white trash meth addict thieves.
I could kill them all.

I mean flame throwers!
All the men, women, and kids.
They are not human.

And I pay taxes!
I wish cops would do their job.
Scum are invading!

raises eyebrows drop
me a trying to pay up
attention to this

listening to these
rappers yacking about their
crib and not follow

It ain't a movie.
Sure there's fiction on Jesus.
Movies are taboo.

I wish I knew why.
Wait, no, never mind -- I don't.
Huh huh huh.... More cock!

With my time machine
I would kidnap Jesus Christ
at the Last Supper.

I would bring him here
and drop him off at Time Square.
Now that is funny!

micheal Moorcock, ie
behold the man, just take a
look at the matter

tell me what you see

Teleporter sex.
Captain Kirk fucked Jesus Christ.
They were energized.

Time travel sci-fi.
It never includes Jesus.
Which is so stupid!

If you could go back,
and I mean any era,
you would see Jesus.

Am I fucking right?
But of course; I always am.
I would film Jesus.

What an awesome porn!
The First Cumming of The Christ.
Oh yeah -- boundaries.

Boundaries are gay.
That is what Neil told me.
He wore a pink dress.

The Sixty-Niners
will next play the Fudge Packers.
Winner plays Squealers.

Football is so gay.
Overgrown "men" slapping ass.
Just who is "Neil"?

Never mind.

I mean the dick jokes
shocking but what we got now
the fourth turning the

thing neil howe warned us
all about, the crisis now
I guess old Neil will

have to post haiku
too or sort of haiku and
throw me some pennies

i know you're just you
know being who you are but
boundaries man see

boundaries, don't talk
about sex, religion or
sports teams, family.

shit what else is there
to talk about, you know i'd go
on about Jesus and

Captain Kirk.

Chocolate penises.
The best Valentines Day gift.
Got a box for mom.

I thought the end of
retail was wal mart but now
its amazon but

will there be a thing
nostalgia wise and there will
be zayres, sears, ames, and

service merchandize
or borders, circuit city
video rental stores?

nostalgia

WE can ask if the
Gopher goes down the hole we
could suggest hentai

but Bill Murray might
have a problem with that plan
bill does hate gophers

(caddyshack)

Some might call it love.
Realists will call it lust.
Hershey's will profit.

In 13 more days
you'll get a new butt plug and
flavored body gel.

You mean Obama.
Or perhaps it's Donald Trump.
Or Lady Gaga.

Evil in the world...
The 2nd Law of Thermo.
It keeps getting worse.

Sir Video Tape,
we will join the dinosaurs.
And I'll have a laugh.

I would leave behind
some interesting fossils
and porno statues.

The next sentient life
to evolve on this planet
will say "What the fuck?!"

i want a system
working to provide an answer
to the evil

in the world right now

I want things to be
funny again because it
is the big fuck you

to proud, evil and
this dark world I think I need
to write funny things

got the hernia
feeling and I am not sure
how to report on

this sort of thing in
a 'haiku' but I think it
is just the theme here

in the news horror
of terror this and that I
want to fight these beasts

yet I feel helpless
hearing about those out there in
countries , just helpless

The school janitor
saved his dandruff in a jar.
Swapped the Parmesan.

You've not tried balot.
Most disgusting food there is.
Abortions to go.



Not for the "Joe Blow".
Only eat them when your drunk.
And the moon is full.

It's a bonding snack.
Share one with a prostitute.
And get her pregnant.

This could be your kid.
Well, the abortion, I mean.
Happy Father's Day!

I see it all now
the Icelandic festival
with sheeps balls and this

shark thing and you know
I've eaten haggis and it
isn't really that bad!

and what about the
Icelandic dish shark buried
in the soil made to

rot and be eaten
but at least they make a cool
drink, a black death? hmm

Brennivin

ah push my big red
button doesn't do anything
the big shiny

red candy button
ENTICING you to push IT!
sorry Ren it doesn't...

do anything

Flies swarm the dead fish.
It rots and dries in the sun.
They make sauce with it.

I have seen too much.
I have also smelled too much.
I pray for a shark.

Red Bull give you wings.
That's how they get wings on pads.
Don't tell anyone.

The old drunk farted.
Only his dog and wife heard.
And this saddened him.

The girl was too flat.
So she bought some gel titties.
They popped and she died.

Do not spend money.
When you do, it destroys Earth.
Live as a cave man.

The old woman spit.
Her chunk of phlegm stirred the dust.
The ants were upset.

Whatever may be,
South Park's the best TV show.
More truth than FOX "News".

I am so burned out.
I need to go buy dog food.
For the dog, not me.

Then I realized:
That's not a girl, that's a guy!
I got his number.

When I saw that girl,
the sheer ugliness of her
made my sphincter clench.

Teens with black lipstick
are rather unattractive;
pervert repellent.

"Supreme Leader Snoke".
How could a name be more gay?
Communist Star Wars.

"Leader Kim Jong-un"
will be in the next Star Wars.
Bootlegged Star Wars toys.

This is too easy.
I could do this all day long.
Just like eating puss.

I think I'm pregnant.
What a fine baby I'll have.
Who is the father?

I seriously
want some Goddamn fried chicken
and watermelon.

That wasn't just sperm
that came out of his penis.
And, man, did it stink!

"I am not gay but
20 bucks is 20 bucks."
What a great t-shirt.

I'll get some donuts.
And a cup of hot coffee.
I guess that is all.

My lunch disappeared.
Many lunches disappeared.
Damn office kitchen.

I made a sandwich;
a very special sandwich
for the thief to eat.

the boss did not like
the note on the ice box door.
Here's what it said:

Congratulations!
I hope you enjoyed the dog
placenta sandwich.

Philippine hookers
have exotic diseases;
germ warfare heaven.

Hillary Clinton's
leaked sex tape of her leaking
sperm from old hippies.

Bodily functions
still make the best bad haiku.
Get back to basics.

The more you vomit,
The more exciting the night.
Now you clean it up.

Vaginas may stink.
And sometimes they even bleed.
Yes still, I'll eat them.

Thunderous flatus.
Stench travels faster than sound.
Knocking down houses.

lets put it this way
if I were dead for real none
of the games people play

would really matter
you could post every insult
or speculation

i'd be dead. facebook
would just be a shell, no more
posts from the real "x"

if I were ok i'd
still annoy the hell out of
some and I hope I'd

amuse others sweet

I think what some folks
don't get is some mean what they
say exactly like

and that confuses
people who are used to the
games people do play

I make more sense to
them as a liar, thief and
otherwise vile swine