One day God farted.
This event was the Big Bang.
Holy pinto beans.

All throughout the day
you must always ask yourself:
What would Darth Maul do?

Sun rise tomorrow
I will see it and wonder
Fucking Universe

My mom taught English.
Agustin English that is.
What an idiot.

Accept correction
Or else you won't get published
If that's what you want

Please accept the enclosed submission for consideration for publication

"Santorum latte!"
The Starbucks barista yelled.
No one even knew.

Ring Out Solstice Bells.
That is a Jethro Tull song.
Keep U2 down there.

the winter solstice
has finally come and gone
and not before time

Life is horrible.
It's worse when there's poetry.
Thus it is proven.

when the air outside
is half as warm as the surf
i shall call it cold

Sidney has winter?
What, like 50's and 60's?
Fahrenheit, of course.

Lord, stop your bitching.
It's hardly three feet of snow
and slick, icy roads.

sydney isn't cheap
but it is embarrassing
the pm is derp

I can't believe this.
I just farted a haiku.
Five, seven, five toots.

Ash, you need to move.
I recommend Hawaii.
But it's expensive.

Learn to live with less.
Then you'll find that you have more.
Oh, I am so deep.

speaking of seasons
fuck winter with a large rake
it deserves to die

Ride rainbow muskrat
Escape clutches of evil
Be superhero!

haiku my haiku
rise up and hear my poem
or buy boner pills

I need my coffee.
Or someone else's coffee.
I really don't care.

Well, I must confess,
I do, do that to doo doo.
Ahead of the times?

All men will do this.
Use their pee blast to clean poop
stuck on the toilet.

There will come a day.
Roving nano cameras
will replace porn sites.

I have a chicken.
I want to violate her.
The neighbors might see.

I saw a rainbow
On the day my grandma died.
Fuckin' lesbian!

lament of the new
"webpage not available"
tears in my coffee

iamback has a
Star Wars themed anal dildo.
It's a light saber!

Speaking of Star Wars,
How do you like the trailer?
Kicking a dead horse?

I guess it's not dead
if it keeps spitting out cash.
Where's my light saber?

time to rise philae !
perihelion is near
you have work to do

Ah yes. Gay StarWars themed wedding. Where's JanAss The Hutt with her elegant boo-tay? Nippress reading Proust aloud while Ash weeps openly whilst licking the pages if GQ Mazagine.

Ashy Nippressy....two as one, one as two. Lovers of the gay, taking a poo.

Ash.....Nippress.......Darth Gaydar and StormPooper. They have great lil' Jawa babies from having the gay sex.

ten trillion dollars ?
all your basis are belong
chinese stock market

Stan is an asshat
He stole all my Doritos
I must be avenged!

Bodily functions
do not create bad haiku.
It's vice versa.

She has got nice tits.
But then so does her brother.
Both are natural.

who buys a great dane ?
surely coprophiliacs
who like foamy drool

healthy choice for me
what's next for my svelte body?
Peppermint Patty!

Robert E. Howard's
Conan the Barbarian
walked by and farted.

typing slowly now
was working diligently
then coffee ran out

haiku after lunch
I am procrastinating
in Lil Bub we trust

we're in awesome times
surely, world peace not far off
Sriracha mayo

we are so lonely
wifi has forsaken us
no route to host found

though we cannot work
internet we love you so
we blame Verizon

when the network fails
lonely T-rex plays with me
curse you, Pterodactyl!

What do you get when
two puns walk into a bar.
A fucking haiku!

Playwriting is hard?
Write a play about Geico.
Cave men can do it.

I just remembered,
playwriting is difficult.
Still, it can be fun

It is so easy,
even cave men can do it.
Geico Insurance

Coffee is a drug.
But I've never sucked a dick
for caffeine money.

Livin' the good life.
Gettin' that K-mart pussy
at WalMart prices.