BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
7 Days
and
61040 Haikus
later...
The air talks to me.
Each and every single
molecule of it.

I'm not surprised that
you think shopping malls are a
paradise. And so...

Jesus wept.

Do you follow Him?
Or perhaps it's the TV.
Or does it matter?

The Book is a lie.
Look past the bullshit of man.
Listen to the air.
Haiku #58632, by df
June 19, 2018 8:58 pm ET

he sees hell, i see
paradise, falling apart
he talks to the air

summer
Haiku #58631, by vhs
June 19, 2018 9:51 am ET

We'll feed the childen...
To the large crocodiles.
For making handbags.

Rich woman luggage.
Emotional baggage claim.
The latch will soon burst.

The children and crocs
are laughing from the fiery
deep furnace of hell.

She bought the stairway.
The one going to heaven.
Now escalator.

Large mall salvation.
Let's count all the luggage stores.
Play area closed.

Now it's a fountain.
Filled with large crocodiles.
To feed children to.

Bright Botox grin.
Enormous inflated lips.
Caked on face powder.

There is no joy like
discounted liposuction
to middle-aged whores.

I AM a robot.
Haiku #58630, by Darth Figpucker of Any Shopping Mall Anywhere
June 18, 2018 9:50 pm ET

Feed your children nothing but hotdogs, fries, and frozen pizza. See how fat you cab make them. Blame Facebook and Minecrap.
Haiku #58629, by Anonymous Poet
June 18, 2018 12:05 pm ET

or we could just say
ignore you, wait for cali
to get middle class

again, say Trump at
oportune times to trigger
angry socialists
Haiku #58628, by vhs
June 18, 2018 11:19 am ET

Imagine an advanced civilization recovering from wars and pollution, on the verge of mending its evil ways and come back from the brink of utter destruction, only to be wiped out by a virus. There is one sole survivor who developed a cure, but too late to save the species. He keeps samples of the virus alive, he programs AI robots to care for the virus after he is gone. The instructions are simple. Don't let them die, but occasionally shock the system with some devastating blow so that many of them are killed. The survivors will have better traits and thus selective mutation will occur. This continues for countless millions of years until the virus becomes sentient and forms and advanced civilization, only to be destroyed by the invisible robot overlords, now hiding on a distant planet. The virus has become the human race. STDs, flu, etc. were put here by the robots. We deserve our torture.

Coke-a-Cola baking soda catheter.
Haiku #58627, by Professor Darth Figpucker of Vogon College of Spoken Word Poetry
June 18, 2018 4:07 am ET

Patient complains of
Aches and chills, Dr. DF
Prescribes the Bird Flu
Haiku #58626, by Rick Sanchez of Dimension C-137
June 18, 2018 2:48 am ET

You are invited
To take all your own advice
Immediately
Haiku #58625, by Lion Some Day
June 18, 2018 2:43 am ET

Life's not worth living.
Work your ass off all day long.
You're left with nothing.

Kill yourself today.
Make room for some other fool
to be unhappy.

The world is dying.
Your existence makes it worse.
You'd make good bear food.

Take some LSD.
Get eaten by a lion.
It is for the best.
Haiku #58624, by Darth Figpucker
June 18, 2018 1:26 am ET

I love when Maury
says "You are NOT the father."
Lucky SOBs.
Haiku #58623, by Darth Figpucker of Happy NOT the Father's Day
June 18, 2018 1:15 am ET

i am not a ro....
bot...i...am not....a.....ro...bot...
i am not a....Boom!
Haiku #58622, by vhs
June 17, 2018 5:32 pm ET

I was ripping off
W. C. Fields. Duh!
Happy Bastards Day!
Haiku #58621, by df
June 17, 2018 3:43 am ET

stephen king kong would
write a book about a giant
what climbing, what?
Haiku #58620, by vhs of hail eris
June 16, 2018 11:31 pm ET

if the beat goes on
then what, kerouac meets king
kong in bangor, maine?
Haiku #58619, by vhs of xxx
June 16, 2018 11:29 pm ET

if i mention say
Jordan Peterson will the folks
from Ontario know

who i mean on this
channel, and will i get how
they feel about him?
Haiku #58618, by vhs
June 16, 2018 8:39 pm ET

maybe the art is
how seriously i take
it to the end times
Haiku #58617, by vhs
June 16, 2018 8:30 pm ET

i mean when do we
give up on someone and just
let them burn in hell?
Haiku #58616, by vhs
June 16, 2018 8:26 pm ET

i mean I'll go off
into "spiritual warfare..."
amusing...I don't

know...do you know how
seriously i take this
sort of thing to bear?
Haiku #58615, by vhs
June 16, 2018 8:23 pm ET

what does it really
accomplish in the end but
provokes me to post...

i can't tell if you're really posting
these feelings for real or not and if you have actually done these things which of course is naive
and i find disturbing
Haiku #58614, by vhs
June 16, 2018 8:21 pm ET

Funny how haiku
somewhat look like a penis
with balls either side.
Haiku #58613, by Darth Figpucker
June 16, 2018 7:32 pm ET

Happy Father's Day
to all you men too stupid
to not reproduce.

Yes, I love children.
But it depends how they're cooked.
Flame grilled is best.

I'm thinking Android
Love Dolls might save the planet.
I'd like to own one.
Haiku #58612, by Darth Figpucker
June 16, 2018 7:29 pm ET

you of course know that
i confidently object
to the human race

thing...im an alien

theyre too amusing
Haiku #58611, by vhs
June 16, 2018 6:28 pm ET

about time you showed up
wheres the rest of Legion
anyways? swine herd?
Haiku #58610, by vhs of they drowned themselves of course
June 16, 2018 6:26 pm ET

Poetry mode set.
Maximum vulgarity
and zero rhyming.
Haiku #58609, by Darth Figpucker
June 16, 2018 2:29 pm ET

This photo captcha
sucks big hairy testicles.
It takes forever!

Technological
improvements are purely myth.
Except for Fleshlight.

Every time I buy a new computer or update software it seems to run worse than it did before and you have to fight with it to get it to work at all. The best solution is to turn off all updates. Roll back to Windows 7. I mean, Jesus!, Microsoft (named for Gates' penis!) hasn't had a decent upgrade in like 20+ years! Just added on garbage like textbook publishers fucking over college students with "new content" so the old books have to be scrapped. The human race should be turned into BBQ for alien invaders. Seriously.
Haiku #58608, by Darth Figpucker of Why can't the photo captcha have porn pics?!
June 16, 2018 2:52 am ET

He laughed at Playboy
and wanked to Mad Magazine.
Now he's president.
Haiku #58607, by Darth Figpucker
June 16, 2018 2:45 am ET

Confucius say:
Man does headstand nude
in rain with funnel up ass
gets free enema.
Haiku #58606, by Darth Figpucker of Not in China
June 16, 2018 1:08 am ET

like i said im broke
when the weather is bad...is bad
no spam jokes here though
Haiku #58605, by vhs
June 14, 2018 11:17 pm ET

where do socks go when
they disappear from laundry?
alien fuel tanks!
Haiku #58604, by vhs of a real married with children episode
June 14, 2018 11:15 pm ET

where do socks go when
they disappear from laundry?
alien fuel tanks!
Haiku #58603, by vhs of a real married with children episode
June 14, 2018 11:15 pm ET

I'm not a robot
but i break down like one when
we have bad weather
Haiku #58602, by vhs
June 14, 2018 7:51 pm ET

that which is not well
expected might turn out
to be just what you need
Haiku #58601, by vhs of all right...for keith richards
June 14, 2018 5:57 pm ET

This is a test of
The long overdue update
Of the bot filter.
Haiku #58600, by Adam
June 14, 2018 5:06 pm ET

I'm not a robot
No really I'm a human
I'm not a robot
Haiku #58599, by Janis
June 14, 2018 5:05 pm ET

well slayer of big
philistines, arevyou going
to out me liking

green mage girls?
Haiku #58598, by vhs
June 5, 2018 10:04 am ET

Just remember that
Drone with Linux as OS...
That's some funny shit
Haiku #58597, by dvd of Fromage Au Trois
June 4, 2018 8:42 pm ET

if sci fi video
game movies are more compelling
than my writing i

need a lot more practice
Haiku #58596, by vhs
June 4, 2018 10:15 am ET

i keep going
despite what's happening in
the world as i see...
Haiku #58595, by vhs
June 3, 2018 8:52 am ET

arbitrary rules set
by men and women with the
will to power, void

no spirit
Haiku #58594, by vhs of empty
June 2, 2018 12:59 pm ET

alice in chains must
have had a good night with her
Dom to make a band
Haiku #58593, by vhs of somethings gonna turn out right
June 2, 2018 1:35 am ET

Look up "contrabass saxophone"
On YouTube (1st result) to hear what
I think that... um, movement must have Sounded like, skip ahead to 1 minute
Or alternatively, while listening
Imagine an overly confident and Morbidly obese person walking down The street eating ice cream
Haiku #58592, by Name of Location
June 2, 2018 12:45 am ET

well i knew you had
faith to move mountains df
not quite what...i thought
Haiku #58591, by vhs of cat
June 1, 2018 2:15 pm ET

I pooped a mountain.
But then it washed out to sea.
The fish were not pleased.
Haiku #58590, by DF
June 1, 2018 3:08 am ET

add pennywise and
the characters from fifth element
and you get fan fiction
Haiku #58589, by vhs
May 31, 2018 10:41 am ET

I like underground.
Storm drain tunnel exploring.
Shoot bottle rockets.

Imagine a bunch of fireworks being shot out of a storm gutter and there's no way to get down there that you can see. And the fireworks are being shot out right in front of your house and from down in the tunnel you hear maniacal laughter of the rat-troll-people echoing in the cavern like labyrinth.

Molotov cocktails. Acres of bad graffiti. Mushrooms and marijuana. And one dim flashlight.
Haiku #58588, by Anonymous Poet
May 31, 2018 4:29 am ET

i found out about
nasty underground evil
rat people, skaven

no its not a trip
on mescaline, it a game
known as warhammer

and these little fucks
are vicious evil chaos
underground dwellers

like certain internet trolls
(not u oh vogon overlord)
Haiku #58587, by vhs of internet search skavenblight, yes yes?
May 30, 2018 11:08 pm ET

i meant down, i aint
down with how it saw dow but
dow is up, not down
Haiku #58586, by vhs of jones that is
May 30, 2018 10:45 pm ET

they say the old way
of doing things is dow and
here i am, doing
Haiku #58585, by vhs
May 30, 2018 10:44 pm ET

And it's FigPucker!
Those cute little fig dimples.
I really like figs.

The fresh ones are best.
Not the cookies or dried figs,
but figs off the tree.

Best when very ripe.
Soft and juicy, just like a
chicken's tight asshole.

I'm pure hillbilly.
Love fuckin' me some chickens.
Eat them afterwards.

Church potluck dinner.
I laugh to watch them eat my
chicken in fig sauce.
Haiku #58584, by Darth Figpucker
May 28, 2018 2:48 pm ET

I know only this:
Genuine happiness is
a squashed mosquito.
Haiku #58583, by DF
May 28, 2018 2:34 pm ET