Order a dildo.
Life size Tom Bosley penis.
And shut the hell up.

You're more into it
than I am about good cheese.
You know that it's true.

"Tom Bosley's penis."
"Tom Bosley's penis again."
"Tom Bosley's penis."

Here's what you can do.
Buy a large block of edam.
Carve a life-like schlong.

It isn't dick cheese.
So I guess it's a cheese dick.
Just like a poet.