That's why you use spam.
The slab of meat can be carved
and then used for months.

Warm it when needed.
Keep it refrigerated.
Nuke it when wanted.

Multipurpose too.
Like use it for a shot glass.
Mushroomy liquor.

You will not get sick.
With all the preservatives
it lasts forever.

If it falls apart
from being overly-loved,
just shoplift more spam.