Do not be yourself.
Instead become Jack Sparrow.
And drink rum at work.

When you get fired
you'll collect unemployment
to buy some more rum.

When the rum runs out
you'll become a real pirate
in Mogadishu.

High-jack a cruise ship.
Auction off the passengers
as slaves to Arabs.

With all your money
buy out the place you worked at
and fire your old boss.

Is "fire" one syllable or two? Fi-ur?
Seems like two. Oh well. Fuck it.