confused emotions
often drive a soul used to
a sheltered life and

people who they knew are
now gone, dead, dying, focus
leads to frustration

peace of mind is hard
to win, it is lack of knowledge
if i find this peace

of mine, it is likely
you will not hear from me anymore
not from a suicide

but from a sense that
I finally connect with people
in an empathic way

i am not tactful
i am not that sophisticated
I am just a caveman

i bludgeon with words
trying to fashion spears
and crack the marrow from

the English bones... mistakes
I have not forgiven myself for
having a hard time letting go

slights, over the edge, blocking
feeling blocked, needing release
i know sympathy is a tired thing

only gained through self interest
we are all self interested
if you could cut my throat

in a dark alley to feed your crack habit, you would
burroughs said, wouldn't you?

you'd kill, lie, cheat, steal
to feed your habit, who speaks in toungues...

is there a choice anymore?
but to clam up and die in a corner or

accept the sickness
and die fighting and perhaps
I might bloody win after all