Sleep eludes me on
the AM Midtown Direct
thanks to Coughing Guy

Why not sit next to
Cell Phone Lady or Full Blast
iPod Hipster Ass?

PAHLSSON SCORES! Strewth! He
must be the best defensive
player of the year!

in my excitement
i have begun to ssstutter
ssssorry about that

chowderhead returns!
it has been too long since he
blessed blessed this site with dreck

following is a
test of the emergency
bad haiku system

A X-mas wish for
all: More frankincense, less myrrh.
You got that, Santa?

The four words I long
to hear, although he's gone now:
"Fetch, my oboe, son."

The holiday I
celebrate? TOYOTATHON.
O Camry be praised!

What would Jesus eat
on X-mas? Carved ham? No. He
don't dig on the swine.

A deal between friends
Know that I would do the same
for you if needed.

If I'm wearing a
beret and I haven't joined
the army, shoot me.

I think I love you
but what am I so afraid
of? Purple nerple.

Lost my dohicky.
Thought I put it next to the
whatchamacallit.

Thank you, President
Bush. Civil rights? Who needs 'em?
Whack those terrorists!

Fetch the pole from the
crawlspace. Train for Feats of Strength.
Festivus is near.

James says, "Ain't no drag.
Papa's got a brand new bag."
What else can be said?

Reliving glories
of past haiku with search tool.
Damn, I was clever.

I can use the word
schadenfreude in context.
Best part of whole thing.

The Giants disgraced
with help from refs. Jets fans smug
with schadenfreude

I

Hair color that fake
should be banned. A sin against
God, State, and Nature

After long absence
Chowderhead has returned. Work?
I can do it Mon.

Poop deck is a mess
crow's nest unkempt, crew all drunk
Shiver me timbers

Uplifting pictures.
Are Muhammad figurines
available too?

Talk dirty to me
but not too dirty, and not
in front of the dog

Ex stopped by to whine
Said she felt bad, stayed the night
She felt fine to me

Think happy thoughts in
seventeen-syllable form
Share warmth but don

Parade of co-eds
wearing sandals, looking dazed
Summer temps are here

Angelic presence,
your eyes are like shimmering
diamonds. Nice cans too.

Tree falls in forest.
No one there. Does it make sound?
Who cares? Firewood.

Cereal boxtop
zen: tomorrow is coming
but yesterday

Am flattered you like
jello haiku. Feel free to
use, but just for good

(not for evil)

A fine line between
fishing and standing on shore
like an idiot

Watch it wiggle. See
it jiggle. Cool and fruity
and it

Saran Wrap over
toilet rim. Girlfriend can

Cold fish, seaweed, and
rice, rolled up neat. That

Red-headed stepchild
David among Goliaths
Royal Crown Cola

Plop plop, fizz fizz. Oh
What a relief it is. Ahhh

A novel idea:
beer-flavored Budweiser. How
about it, Science?

Leggo my Eggo
Now there

On total weight loss
plan. Just resting my organs,
taking a dirt nap.

Bush is President.
Kid Rock is V.P. Here comes
the Apocalypse.

Dominos Pizza:
Avoiding that damn noid since
1986

Roofies? Billy Dee
says no. Try Colt 45.
It works every time.

Urban youths gyrate
on cardboard in baggy clothes

The Muse is angry
using haiku for chat makes
her want to vomit

The Muse is angry
using haiku for chat makes
her want to vomit

Pimp hand not so strong.
Haven

The House that Ruth Built
made of drift wood and tin foil
Nice job there, Ruthie

Talk dirty to me
but not too dirty, and not
in front of the dog

I

Chastened youths slow down
crisis averted again
Lifeguard earns his keep

Iceland not icy,
Greenland not green. Now I get
it: Viking humor.

No escape from fumes
Fart in the elevator
Someone

Can I

Monkeys at the zoo
won

Every fall, trees full
of underwear. Every spring,
toilets explode. Delta!

If I get rich, I
hope I

I am a haiku
machine. Try and stop me from
waxing poetic.

Angelic presence,
your eyes are like shimmering
diamonds. Nice cans too.

Tree falls in forest.
No one there. Does it make sound?
Who cares? Firewood.

Ask not what country
can do for you. Ask what you
can do for country.

Dealt jack and a nine
the dealer shows a seven
What the hell -- hit me

An interesting fact:
Superman uncircumcised.
No moyels on Krypton.

Redneck nine-course meal:
beef jerky, pig knuckles, Skoal,
and six pack of Bud

No lettuce for me.
You don

Donate your body
to Art. Why should Science get
all the good corpses?

Bad breakup, we

a seedy fellow
who knows how to grease a palm
that mayor mccheese

Man of the people
tireless public servant
McCheese for Mayor

Cosmic mystery
unknowable enigma
Who let the dogs out?

Brash iconoclast
voice of a generation
Weird Al Yankovic

metes out street justice
curmudgeon with heart of gold
Andy Sipowicz

My ode to color
has hit a major snafu
What rhymes with silver?

mushy bean curd soup
they call it nouvelle cuisine
overpriced tasteless slop