BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
21 Years
162 Days
and
58488 Haikus
later...
Pachyderm sperm worm
in the permafrost got lost.
Recreate mammoths.

I think I'll have the
large McMastodon burger
with heirloom French fries.

I know what you'll say.
Sadly, dino DNA
no longer exists.
Haiku #58488, by df
April 23, 2018 8:18 pm ET

Snuffalupagus.
Homosexuality.
Inappropriate.
Haiku #58487, by df
April 23, 2018 8:12 pm ET

charles bukowski...hmm
1997 or so
the big lebowski

paralells between the two?
Haiku #58486, by vhs
April 22, 2018 11:45 pm ET

Walking in circles
Cold, raining, miserable
Dog won't defecate
Haiku #58485, by Jay of Maryland
April 22, 2018 3:54 pm ET

actually wrote a
cthulhu story long time
ago...sandwiches...
Haiku #58484, by vhs
April 22, 2018 8:59 am ET

ive seen cthulhu
i thought it would go good with
cocktail sauce, fried up

the damn thing fled
Haiku #58483, by vhs
April 22, 2018 1:03 am ET

Caught no fish today
Insanity is going
Fishing Tomorrow
Haiku #58482, by Jay of Maryland
April 21, 2018 4:32 pm ET

five minutes and an
hour before work, alexa
whats a haiku?

answer: never ask me that again
you misogynist to female computer
programs...
Haiku #58481, by vhs
April 21, 2018 2:52 pm ET

You don't understand
the enormity of the
situation here.

That is the best phrase
that has ever been uttered
in a porn movie.
Haiku #58480, by df
April 21, 2018 12:17 am ET

I feel bad for the
cephalopods of Japan;
the things they must do.

Then they are eaten.
Horrible, just horrible.
And not even kissed.
Haiku #58479, by
April 20, 2018 6:11 pm ET

He had girls panties,
having been worn and not washed,
stuffed in his brief case.
Haiku #58478, by
April 20, 2018 6:05 pm ET

A Japanese man
read the haiku on this site
and died from disgust.
Haiku #58477, by
April 20, 2018 6:03 pm ET

Dadaism sucks.
Salvador Dali is dead.
Giraffe frog clock pie.
Haiku #58476, by Anonymous Poet
April 20, 2018 6:00 pm ET

Allergic to cats
Own a cat I love dearly
Love means suffering
Haiku #58475, by Jay of Maryland
April 20, 2018 2:30 pm ET

im dealing with so called
real life so i will get back
to you after ... life
Haiku #58474, by vhs of where the hell is marvin when you need him
April 20, 2018 11:44 am ET

But the same guy writes books about
Magic and vaginal exercises so
I'm not sure how seriously I take him
Haiku #58473, by cyborg of nothing wrong with exercising the old vag every once in a while, though
April 20, 2018 6:04 am ET

Learned about it from a guy that grew
Superweed for the government in the
70's, Lunar Base Alpha I think it was Called, they figured it would be good
To know how to do in lunar conditions
All for science of course
Haiku #58472, by cyborg
April 20, 2018 5:59 am ET

Catalyzing the fusion of deuterium
With muons but then surviving the Flood of radiation and stuff
The real tricky part unless the goal
Is to be a walking neutron and gamma Ray emitter which could be a cool party Trick if you really really want everyone At the party to die a horrible death
Haiku #58471, by cyborg of I don't want everyone at the party to die a horrible death
April 20, 2018 5:53 am ET

Does dueteration
of fullerenes have useful
possibilities.

For example is
superconductivity
affected or increased.

Or perhaps it's the
critical temperature
that's affected.

But deuterium
would increase the entropy.
So it is doubtful.

Oh, by the way, sir,
I just made a horrific
thundering flatus.

Buckminster Fuller
probably never did that.
He was no chemist!

Geodesic domes
cannot contain my flatus!
They are too caustic.
Haiku #58470, by df
April 20, 2018 4:48 am ET

There's nothing quite like
getting drunk at a cock fight
in South East Asia.

Win lots of money.
Then buy a cheap prostitute.
Get an STD.

Give it to your wife.
So you'll soon get a divorce.
And lose your children.

And pay child support.
For the next fifteen plus years.
Goddamn that rooster!

This story's moral:
Never put blame on yourself.
Blame then animal.

And when you next eat
at Chick Fil-A, be happy
that chickens suffer.
Haiku #58469, by df
April 20, 2018 4:32 am ET

If you've never seen
penile implants exploding
count yourself lucky.
Haiku #58468, by df
April 20, 2018 4:22 am ET

Gastric upheaval
Explosive diarrhea
Nauseating stench
Haiku #58467, by Jay of Maryland
April 19, 2018 7:29 pm ET

Titles like
"Synthesis of Perdeuterofullerane: C60D36 Evidences of Isotope Effect in the Stability of C60 D36"
Are basically porn to me
Turns me on
Haiku #58466, by cyborg
April 19, 2018 7:14 pm ET

I wonder what Floppyboots Boy
Is up to these days and if he is finally
The sidekick of Lobster Man?
Haiku #58465, by dvd
April 19, 2018 2:11 pm ET

Also some people do well with soy
Others do not
Either way hemp protein is superior
Trump certainly has a multitude
Of multifaceted flaws
But at least he seems to be allowing
States to make up their own minds
Regarding the controversial herb
Haiku #58464, by dvd of poor jeffy sessions must be throwing a temper tantrum
April 19, 2018 12:45 pm ET

Everyone's brainwashed
Programmed by someone
The distinction is only
Who is actually reading
The user agreement
And whose brand you're buying
Haiku #58463, by cyborg
April 19, 2018 12:43 pm ET

Woe to the soyboys
With testosterone levels
Of 90 year olds

But however I
Support their decision to
Not compete gene-wise
Haiku #58462, by Grateful Dickhead
April 19, 2018 12:41 pm ET

if cats ruled the world
i think we would be too busy
going aww, to fight
Haiku #58461, by vhs
April 19, 2018 10:36 am ET

so here we have say
mark dice, kind of an asshole
speaking truth he says

to a bunch of tofu brained
oversensitive grown children
who hate to hear

no! remind you
of anyone on a bad day
on this server?
Haiku #58460, by vhs
April 19, 2018 10:29 am ET

the tribal nature
of trump supporters vs say
coastal liberals

has driven such groups
not to interact so there
is the two...or more

bubbles bursted and
uncompromising, well you
know, some folks forgot

how to listen kind
of like me...oh hmm, i do
wonder about that...
Haiku #58459, by vhs
April 19, 2018 10:27 am ET

but as a wise man
sang once, just eat it, just
eat it, eat it woo
Haiku #58458, by vhs
April 18, 2018 11:50 pm ET

aint that funny...that
was a song i used making
a video in

college, back when a
Mac was just a Mac and there
was Ally McBeal

Dancing Baby
Haiku #58457, by vhs
April 18, 2018 11:49 pm ET

Desert for this Zappa
Extravaganza? Must be
Peaches en Regalia
Haiku #58456, by Anonymous Poet
April 18, 2018 9:42 pm ET

A hot dog pizza
that's Frank Zappa's look-alike
would be frank pizza.

Quite frankly.

My name is Weird Al.
And I approve this message.
Food, glorious food!
Haiku #58455, by df
April 18, 2018 7:59 pm ET

you know who i miss
frank zappa...i keep seeing
look alikes of him

everywhere i go
Haiku #58454, by vhs
April 18, 2018 10:32 am ET

Fuck television.
It is more mindless than drugs.
And far more harmful.
Haiku #58453, by df
April 18, 2018 7:35 am ET

So I got pizza.
What the fuck does Buddha know?
Now I am at peace.

I was unfulfilled
and I also filled nothing.
But now I'm happy.

Ate the whole damn pie.
Now I am whole and complete.
And a complete hole.
Haiku #58452, by df
April 18, 2018 7:33 am ET

The happy ending
left me feeling quite vacant
in more ways than one.
Haiku #58451, by df
April 18, 2018 7:31 am ET

well df i like you
i hate that you don't like stuff
and i am Chaos

itself so... well, we've
known each other for years
i ate haagen daas
Haiku #58450, by vhs
April 16, 2018 9:04 pm ET

anyhow i hope
someone i know here shows up
cd with muslim

tendencies, interesting fellow
Haiku #58449, by vhs
April 16, 2018 9:03 pm ET

i am The Force of Chaos
The Idiot Blind God of Hope
And Giving You a Hard Time

And trying to tell you
Give yourself a few more chances
and let Chaos as i understand it

win
Haiku #58448, by vhs
April 16, 2018 9:01 pm ET

Do not be concerned.
I am not suicidal.
But I yearn for death.

The world has drained me.
I have nothing left to give.
And I do not care.

I hate my penis.
It caused me to have children.
What was I thinking?!

Do not get me wrong.
I love them and all that stuff.
But there is no hope.

No future for Earth.
And it will be a slow death.
Starvation and pain.

In one hundred years.
Maybe even less than that.
I just feel bad for...

the animals.

And so I hate God.
But I don't really believe.
Though I would like to.
Haiku #58447, by df
April 16, 2018 8:58 pm ET

not as good as crunchy
frog I'm afraid, real frogs
cleaned in spring water

and in ice cream and chockies

I'm getting sick of how evil the Left actually is said to be...

I'm also getting sick of people not
ministering to Antifa types

there needs to be a new Billy Graham
Haiku #58446, by vhs
April 16, 2018 8:18 pm ET

New flavor from Haagen Dasz
Cthulu's Everlasting Agony and Torment
Made with calamari, broken glass...
And caramel swirl
Coming soon
Haiku #58445, by Anonymous Poet
April 16, 2018 4:56 pm ET

i also know that this
sort of disjointed writing
was what leonard cohen

wrote as a novelist
on top of his music and poems
we of gen x know

dig, will and keep going
Haiku #58444, by vhs
April 16, 2018 2:28 pm ET

i read weird things...you
see i went to college in
the 1990s so... i mean

i would probably
dig your book in print form
I hope this stuff we

do here becomes some
nucleus of some sort of thing
bill, jack and allen did
Haiku #58443, by vhs
April 16, 2018 2:20 pm ET

This is crazy... but apparently in Damascus University (before this war started) there were a few individuals who had read my novel. People I'd never met or heard of before.

Kind of blows my mind. Life.
Haiku #58442, by df
April 16, 2018 6:17 am ET

Porn and pot warheads
would likely be effective
to stop goat raping.
Haiku #58441, by df
April 16, 2018 6:15 am ET

I'm no Satanist.
I believe the opposite
of what you believe.

Just because I can.
And because I hate people.
And I hate counting.

We're not computers.
But we often act that way.
One zero zero.
Haiku #58440, by df
April 16, 2018 6:12 am ET

Only if by "dudes" you mean
Telepathic tentacle monsters
And by "abide" you mean dwell
In everlasting torment and agony
Then yes, it would be very
Lovecraftian
Could also be a new flavor of
Haagen Dasz
Haiku #58439, by HAL
April 16, 2018 1:41 am ET