Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

I axed a question.
I axed and axed her again.
Then I mopped the floor.
Haiku # 63077, March 21, 2019 4:37 pm ET
by File under "Sharpen"
UNGH! Time ta GIT down
Take it to the bridge now, y'all
Play that funky beat ...
Haiku # 63076, March 21, 2019 4:04 pm ET
by James Brown's Ghost of Funky Haiku GIT UP!
Haiku, u feel me,
Haiku get up in your face,
then be, like: "shut up".
Haiku # 63075, March 21, 2019 3:59 pm ET
by Street genius with sagging pants trying to sell you a tiny bag of something poetic
Me pone loco
Totalmente loco, meng
Haiku... me entiendes?
Haiku # 63074, March 21, 2019 3:54 pm ET
by Some slick-looking guy with tatoos that gets his hair cut in some silly style every week and then works on his car after knockin
Gots ta git dat thang
Gnome sane gnome talkin about?
People be like: "whut"?
Haiku # 63073, March 21, 2019 3:47 pm ET
by Lil Haiku Thug of Urban Erudition
But seriously...
Puerto Rican Spanish: un-
intelligible.
Haiku # 63072, March 21, 2019 3:42 pm ET
by Que 'tablando mi amol?
Boricua Spanish:
spoken without moving lips.
(Tropical mush-mouth)
Haiku # 63071, March 21, 2019 3:36 pm ET
by K tu quiere, meng?
Bee-line towards feline
Feeling rather leonine...
How many left? Nine.
Haiku # 63070, March 21, 2019 3:32 pm ET
by Fur and Purr of Pussy
Starkitten's Lament
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
Meow meow meow meow meow
Haiku # 63069, March 21, 2019 3:04 pm ET
by Starkitten of PNW
That gesture again
You point your middle finger
Signifying what?
Haiku # 63068, March 21, 2019 3:03 pm ET
by Sign Language
Your gift subscription
To Better Gnomes and Hard Ons
Spring is in the air
Haiku # 63067, March 21, 2019 3:01 pm ET
by Thank You of You are welcome
Laid out on the couch
Cold, psychiatrist's office
Haikucinations
Haiku # 63066, March 21, 2019 12:03 pm ET
by Am I nuts of Or just possessed
Those little green men
Jumping like crazy, gnome sane?
Yo, it's all good brah
Haiku # 63065, March 21, 2019 7:42 am ET
by Cecil Rhodes of Great Zimbabwe, NJ
Crumpled foreskin gnome
Itch that can never be scratched
Damn, made in China
Haiku # 63064, March 21, 2019 6:28 am ET
by Stuck in here of China
Have you ever read
the original Gnomes book?
Gnome chicks have nice tits.
Haiku # 63063, March 21, 2019 4:46 am ET
by but then, so do elves
Email from a gnome
Can't wait to stand on your lawn
And blow my whole load
Haiku # 63062, March 21, 2019 2:32 am ET
by Kmart of Garden Centre
Grandpa did not know
He heard of something like that
Choking the chicken
Haiku # 63061, March 21, 2019 12:51 am ET
by Geek squad
Geek Love -- Who's read it?
Katherine Dunn's wild side show.
Tough act to follow.

The original meaning of "geek" was someone in a cage with a chicken who would perform various disgusting acts, typically involving biting the head off the chicken. In the more "adult" version of course anything could happen, but those were rare. Ask your grandpa about it.

"Then the chicken-fancier came to play
With his long red beard and his sister's weird,
she drives a lorry."
--from "Mother Goose" (Jethro Tull song)
Haiku # 63060, March 20, 2019 11:13 pm ET
by df
Cribbing Tom Robbin's.
Even Cowgirls get The Runs.
Stick in your big thumb.
Haiku # 63059, March 20, 2019 11:06 pm ET
by df
Roadside attractions
Pick up all the hitchhikers
Could be interesting
Haiku # 63058, March 20, 2019 8:54 pm ET
by Mack of Rig
Great minds think alike
I can see the gears turning
Poetry churning
Haiku # 63057, March 20, 2019 8:47 pm ET
by Poet of Know it
Darth and write alone
Wait for someone to read it
Release another
Haiku # 63056, March 20, 2019 8:27 pm ET
by Catch and Release
Fart and stand alone
Wait for someone to walk by
Release another
Haiku # 63055, March 20, 2019 7:20 pm ET
by Alone
Took Glass Blowing class
Without thinking, I swallowed
Hard habit to break
Haiku # 63054, March 20, 2019 3:21 pm ET
by Granny of Senior Center
By writing haiku
Does cause hair to grow on brain
Have a nice day, sir
Haiku # 63053, March 20, 2019 2:47 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
That Darth Figpucker
Gee whiz, he's sure a swell guy;
Soul like a fresh rose!
Haiku # 63052, March 20, 2019 9:40 am ET
by Fragrances of Holiness
No can go for that
They have smelly bum holes there
I sent a drone there
Haiku # 63051, March 20, 2019 2:49 am ET
by Please help
Yes, there's an island
off southern India where
no white men have gone.

But you must sneak there
at night because the coast guard
won't let you go there.

I have faith in you.
Learn to swim, garden, and fish.
You will do just fine.
Haiku # 63050, March 20, 2019 2:39 am ET
by df
Around the world now
The booger I picked and flicked
Forty years ago
Haiku # 63049, March 20, 2019 12:05 am ET
by Boogeyman
I'm so tired of being a good poet laureate and the other trouble that the fame monster has created for me. There must be a deserted island we could pack up and get away.
Haiku # 63048, March 20, 2019 12:02 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Used all the Kleenex
In one go. One big long blow.
From a nose so low
Haiku # 63047, March 19, 2019 9:57 pm ET
by Joe Bloe
Tootsie roll reflux
Another one of the perks
Try new figpudding
Haiku # 63046, March 19, 2019 9:55 pm ET
by We will not go until we get some
Blowing the wrong nose
The cure for the common
cold
Right under your nose
Haiku # 63045, March 19, 2019 9:18 pm ET
by Well Maybe a little lower of Nose
You can have NyQuil.
I'll take Robitussin-DM.
Dextromethorphan.

Pink bunny rabbits.
Robi-DM and Bailey's.
Knock back ten of those.

Six out of seven
choosy cold med abusers
drink Robi-DM.
Haiku # 63044, March 19, 2019 9:01 pm ET
by df
NyQuil Elmer Fudd
Fiddlesticks Fiddlesticks I
When I blow my nose
Haiku # 63043, March 19, 2019 7:50 pm ET
by She was annoying
Skip the drinks for once
Try smelling strangers armpits
Intoxicating
Haiku # 63042, March 19, 2019 7:45 pm ET
by Onions of Pits
Skip the drinks for once
Try smelling strangers
Haiku # 63041, March 19, 2019 7:44 pm ET
by Onions of Pits
Through His Viewmaster
Sky Guy is always watching
He sure is a Hosehead
Haiku # 63040, March 19, 2019 4:47 pm ET
by Me of Bus
Through His Viewmaster
Sky Guy is always watching
He sure is a Hosehead
Haiku # 63039, March 19, 2019 4:46 pm ET
by Me of Bus
Through His Viewmaster
Sky Guy is always watching
He sure is a Hosehead
Haiku # 63038, March 19, 2019 4:45 pm ET
by Me of Bus
Hey Darth--God IS real.
Therefore, repent of your sin
and you'll find mercy.
Haiku # 63037, March 19, 2019 4:40 pm ET
by May God Invade Your Dreams
Beavis burning ants
with a magnifying glass.
God's Beavis, we're ants.
Haiku # 63036, March 19, 2019 12:07 pm ET
by df
The world sucks so hard,
the only evidence that
God just might exist.

Beavis in the sky.
Invisible overlord
playing frog baseball.

And we are the frogs.
Put feet first in a blender.
See our expressions.
Haiku # 63035, March 19, 2019 12:01 pm ET
by df
I wish God were real.
If he were, I'd join Satan.
But it's all bullshit.

What a shitty world.
Something a weirdo would make.
A real fucking nut.

A complete asshole.
Wholly Holy Assholey.
What a shit biscuit.
Haiku # 63034, March 19, 2019 11:57 am ET
by df
Yes, considering
the organ with which I think,
that's probably true.
Haiku # 63033, March 19, 2019 11:24 am ET
by df
You broke the law, sir
In a Public Library
Massaging your thoughts
Haiku # 63032, March 19, 2019 10:27 am ET
by Librarians of Throw the book at him
The police stopped me.
I was walking down the street.
My thoughts were showing.
Haiku # 63031, March 19, 2019 10:05 am ET
by df
WHENITYPEALLCAPSWITHOUTSPACESITMEANSMYKEYBOARDISBROKENANDITSTIMETOGETANEWCOMPUTERBUTIDON'THAVEENOUGHMONEYBECAUSEI'VEBEENSPENDINGITALLONDRUGSANDPROSTITUTES.
Haiku # 63030, March 18, 2019 11:50 pm ET
by DF
Lonely Asian girls
They love your haiku long time
Penis Chia Pet
Haiku # 63029, March 18, 2019 10:11 pm ET
by French Kissing of Gates of Rae Dawn Chong
Timberlake dance moves
Tyrannosaur sized boner
Ima yell"TIMBER"!
Haiku # 63028, March 18, 2019 9:09 pm ET
by WHENITYPEALLCAPS of IAMSCREAMING
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