Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 135 Days and 76968 Haiku later...

The Surprise Party
Pin the tail on the donkey
Lead them to your ass
Haiku # 63003, March 17, 2019 1:40 am ET
by Fudge Smudge
I like that story
Send it to Reader's Digest
They should publish it
Haiku # 63002, March 17, 2019 12:38 am ET
by More stories please, Uncle Darth of Circle time
Tootsie Roll rum balls.
That's an original thought.
Use One-fifty-one.

Bacardi's strong stuff.
Your rum balls like getting drunk
and eating some ass.
Haiku # 63001, March 17, 2019 12:35 am ET
by df
One of my funniest memories is shooting a bottle rocket over the heads of a bunch of old people playing bridge at the local park recreation center one night. One of us held the door slightly ajar, I held the bottle rocket steady, and the other one of us lit the fuse. We ran away laughing like mad and didn't stop laughing for like two hours. It was awesome. But, sadly, no heart attacks like we were hoping for. Oh well.

Aren't I a work of art?! ;-)
Haiku # 63000, March 17, 2019 12:23 am ET
by df
I once set off a
Saturn Missile Battery
in a shopping mall.

Cigarette delay
so that we can walk away
and watch from afar.
Haiku # 62999, March 17, 2019 12:17 am ET
by Back in the days before cameras everywhere.
Stomping on cartons
can get you detention time
or lunch room duty.

And deaf kids hate it.
It fucks with their hearing aids.
Watch them writhe in pain.

You think it's funny.
It's not cool unless you're cruel.
Which I guess I am.
Haiku # 62998, March 17, 2019 12:14 am ET
by df
I cum in yo bum.
I bust a nut in yo butt.
I spew in yo poo.

Satisfactory
deep down in yo Tootsie Roll
factory, per say.

I swear I'm not gay;
it's my nature to offend
way up yo back end.
Haiku # 62997, March 17, 2019 12:10 am ET
by Garth Futtbucker is in serious need of of psychological counseling or a few stiff drinks. Anything but a cosmo!
Everything you write
Can/will be used against you
In a court of law.
Haiku # 62996, March 16, 2019 5:57 am ET
by Miranda Da da DUM DUM of Dragnet
I'm at a truck stop
Really fun to watch the rigs
Pulling in and out
Haiku # 62995, March 16, 2019 5:32 am ET
by Midget of Truck Stop
What would Jesus do?
Stomp on empty milk cartons
In the lunchroom? Boom!
Haiku # 62994, March 16, 2019 5:25 am ET
by Gnarly sandals of
Last one exploded
Papa got a brand new bag
Colostomy bag
Haiku # 62993, March 16, 2019 5:22 am ET
by Fudge Brownie
Keep the faith,poets
All your hard work will pay off
God reads these poems
Haiku # 62992, March 16, 2019 5:15 am ET
by God of Up
But, back to rum balls
I always take a shit first
"Forget" to wash hands
Haiku # 62991, March 16, 2019 1:15 am ET
by How I make them of Terlit
I'm not a robot
Pardon the clunking noises
Could you oil my nuts?
Haiku # 62990, March 16, 2019 1:11 am ET
by 17 feet tall of Door
While you were sleeping
Rearranged the furniture
Set your bed on fire
Haiku # 62989, March 15, 2019 10:50 pm ET
by Hot Flash
Strange Circumcisions
Like crop circles on hot dogs
How do they get there?
Haiku # 62988, March 15, 2019 10:46 pm ET
by Frank N. Stein
We all make mistakes
Reading this haiku might be
Your latest mistake
Haiku # 62987, March 15, 2019 10:41 pm ET
by Miss Steak of Prime
Account in arrears
Unauthorized deposits
No interest at all
Haiku # 62986, March 15, 2019 10:30 pm ET
by Not Ben Denofer of For soap in the shower
Here's five silly bulls.
Cocks, cunts, and crusty cum cakes.
And here are five more.
Haiku # 62985, March 15, 2019 9:43 pm ET
by df
Do not save your farts.
Your gut's not a bank account.
Set those stinkers free!
Haiku # 62984, March 15, 2019 9:39 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Dink sounds minuscule.
I would much rather say cock.
Or maybe just schlong.
Haiku # 62983, March 15, 2019 9:36 pm ET
by How can you tell if you're roommate's gay? of If his cock tastes like shit.
Prodigious chin hair
How did I get this ugly?
I think it's chemtrails
Haiku # 62982, March 15, 2019 9:30 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Dink is the best word
I don't like saying penis
Leaves bad taste in mouth
Haiku # 62981, March 15, 2019 9:22 pm ET
by Librarian of Library
Every new haiku
A gift we give each other
Like a saved up fart
Haiku # 62980, March 15, 2019 9:20 pm ET
by Stinky of Pants
Inappropriate
homosexuality
Snuffleupagus.
Haiku # 62979, March 15, 2019 8:46 pm ET
by Full name is Aloysius Snuffleupagus of There's a thing I bet you did not know.
Wrestling match today?

Plan on wearing longer shorts
When wrestling gators
Haiku # 62978, March 15, 2019 5:23 pm ET
by Advisory committee of Concerned citizens for the protection of your danoinks
With a name like that
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
It has to be good
Haiku # 62977, March 15, 2019 12:11 pm ET
by Starkitten of Library
Jogging shorts too short.
Try for a quarter mile sprint,
mister dink flops out.

Sorry 'bout that, girls.
Now just try to unsee that!
High school running track.
Haiku # 62976, March 15, 2019 8:34 am ET
by df
Jogging does seem to bring back the brain pain. But strangely on opposite side from where it used to be. Maybe the bleeding is shifting around or something. I really hope this kills me. Life has gotten to be... I mean, jeez, it's like a prison. Really.

Alcohol. That's what I need!
Haiku # 62975, March 15, 2019 8:30 am ET
by df
I let it jiggle.
But that's what I always do.
sometimes it sneaks out.
Haiku # 62974, March 15, 2019 8:27 am ET
by df
Wet stain on sweatpants
Darth, is that perspiration?
Haiku # 62973, March 14, 2019 6:25 pm ET
by The Importance of Physical Exercise
Shorts over sweatpants
Ready to wrestle gators
Balut egg, Rocky
Haiku # 62972, March 14, 2019 2:12 pm ET
by Spectator of Sidelines
Do you wear a cup?
I mean, when you jog around?
Just let it jiggle?
Haiku # 62971, March 14, 2019 2:09 pm ET
by Ivana Noe of I don
And most people jog
to live longer, not to die.
Wish me lots of luck.
Haiku # 62970, March 14, 2019 2:02 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Imagine there's no Darth Figpucker.
It's easy if you try.
No shit haiku below us.
Above us only politics, religion, and vhs.

I wonder what ever happened to Iamback. He was a funny guy. Talking about Darth Gaydar and Nipress... whatever the hell that is. Maybe if I'm gone he will come back out of hiding. Maybe he's in prison. Fucking Juggalo loser. Woot woot.

Jogging a few miles every day seems to be making my head feel strange again... Some vitamin E and other blood thinners... maybe a stiff drink at night. No more of this shit life. I mean, you have a be a real fucking work of art to try to post on here all the time... Well, at least it's not Farcebook. Even I don't sink that low.
Haiku # 62969, March 14, 2019 12:09 pm ET
by df
Some are born in shit.
They are born, they live and die
In deep filth of shit.
Haiku # 62967, March 14, 2019 10:36 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Darthless Bad Haiku
That would be a lovely thing . . .
Figpucker-free verse
Haiku # 62966, March 14, 2019 10:05 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Note: Gruesome footage
I never clip my toenails
Never wash my feet
Haiku # 62965, March 14, 2019 7:44 am ET
by Starkitten
My cunts bigger than your cunt.
My cunts bigger than yours.
My cunts bigger 'cause it gets
huge black cocks.
My cunts bigger than yours.
Haiku # 62964, March 14, 2019 7:24 am ET
by Funtcart Funtcart Funt.
Cats about fight.
Sounds like karaoke bar
in the Philippines.
Haiku # 62963, March 14, 2019 7:22 am ET
by df
Has anyone seen Garth?
Haiku # 62962, March 14, 2019 6:33 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Cyclonic fart bomb
Homeland Insecurity
Porcelain rocket
Haiku # 62961, March 14, 2019 6:31 am ET
by Brown Smudge of Do not fly list
Tootsie Roll swirly
Spot on accurate fork assed
Brownie, Incoming!
Haiku # 62960, March 14, 2019 6:06 am ET
by Weather Guru of Atmospheric pressure
I, Balloon Poet
Shall rise high and pierce yon clouds
With my erection
Haiku # 62959, March 14, 2019 12:02 am ET
by High of Higher
It is for you to guess
Whether I occupy this
Jiffy Pop corn tin
Haiku # 62958, March 14, 2019 12:01 am ET
by Higher of Higher
And with that, I fly
Nay, I soar, high above all
Previous poets
Haiku # 62957, March 13, 2019 11:58 pm ET
by Flying of High
A bit of whiskey
Lubricated poem hole
Effortless discharge
Haiku # 62956, March 13, 2019 11:56 pm ET
by Plonking of Toilet
Great way to go out
Sayonara,heaving snail
Your trail is yet moist
Haiku # 62955, March 13, 2019 11:53 pm ET
by Funny thing moving under kimono
She took a licking
Cause of death: Cunnilingus
And she stopped ticking
Haiku # 62954, March 13, 2019 11:49 pm ET
by Petit mort
I bribed my way up
Top rung of haiku ladder
I piss on you all
Haiku # 62953, March 13, 2019 11:18 pm ET
by Top of Ladder of Highest rung
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