Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

My mother said to
get things done you better not
mess with Major Tom.
Haiku # 62935, March 13, 2019 2:12 pm ET
by
Cereal is good
Perverted Cookie Jarvis
Oh that poor woman
Haiku # 62934, March 13, 2019 2:03 pm ET
by Glory To God
I made a Tootsie
Thought of you for a moment
And your spraying ways
Haiku # 62933, March 13, 2019 1:57 pm ET
by I heart toilet paper of 2-ply smile
Remember the time
We pretended we were bears
And mauled the post man?
Haiku # 62932, March 13, 2019 1:38 pm ET
by Bath Saltz
Jesus had it rough
Never had a grandfather
Live in someone's mouth

Who was God's father
Did he have a Godfather
I just can't even
Haiku # 62931, March 13, 2019 1:36 pm ET
by Oh, bother
Christian fucking shit.
I should have said Tootsie Roll.
Sometimes we need shit.

YouTube Jesus spam.
If he were real, he'd be proud.
Bathroom wall scripture!
Haiku # 62930, March 13, 2019 1:11 pm ET
by df
https://youtu.be/L4e2ST3evmU
Haiku # 62929, March 13, 2019 12:27 pm ET
by 2nd one is good
Granddad's foul anus
has always lived in my mouth.
Ask him; he's right here...

Yep, that Figpucker
grandson o' mine loves to eat
old mens' foul arseholes.
Haiku # 62928, March 13, 2019 7:58 am ET
by df
Grand-dad's foul anus
Lives again in your own mouth.
Or is it your mind?
Haiku # 62927, March 13, 2019 7:11 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I am getting old.
I had something foul to say.
Forgot what it was.
Haiku # 62926, March 13, 2019 5:07 am ET
by df of Time for the nursing home.
Unwrap my tootsie
More meaty than a Werthers
Grandad's foul anus
Haiku # 62925, March 13, 2019 2:59 am ET
by Caved in of Front porch
Keep the front dirty
Effective man repellent
Reversed with fly strip
Haiku # 62924, March 13, 2019 2:57 am ET
by If need be
After I haiku
I reach for the spray nozzle
Hose the syllables
Haiku # 62923, March 13, 2019 2:56 am ET
by Leaving it fresh for you of Sanitized for your protection and candy ass
That's why we inhale
Capture all the reefer madness
Sky High Zooming by

Allow me to add
Billy Shatner's epic spooge
Slides down like butter
Haiku # 62922, March 13, 2019 2:54 am ET
by Trekkie (glugging the glue) of I'd drain Spock, too
I hate it when the
location gets backed up right
next to the haiku.
Haiku # 62921, March 13, 2019 2:31 am ET
by df
You should buy all three.
Get erect without jock itch
and a nice calm high.
Haiku # 62920, March 13, 2019 2:30 am ET
by What more could you ask for?!... Well, of course beside 3 hot 20 yo Korean prostitutes taking turns gyrating on your boner.
Fungus destroyer
Cannabliss CBD oil
Get rock hard today
Haiku # 62919, March 13, 2019 1:58 am ET
by Who I get email from
My mind's eye sees it
The gentle hearted poet
Reaching for the spray
Haiku # 62918, March 13, 2019 1:50 am ET
by I'll send you a roll of Place with toilet paper
Imagine a world
Where everyone wipes the ass
Of the next person
Haiku # 62917, March 13, 2019 1:49 am ET
by Let's help each other of The world
It's easy to spray.
Wiping requires more stretch.
Be clean for your man!
Haiku # 62916, March 13, 2019 12:11 am ET
by df
I couldn't live there
No range of motion at all
Smelly Arthritis
Haiku # 62915, March 12, 2019 9:58 pm ET
by Google smelly arthritis joke
A raging woody
Rage against the tangerine
And his orange peen
Haiku # 62914, March 12, 2019 9:00 pm ET
by Poet of Know it
Free bottom cleaning.
Step right up, I'll spray your ass.
Tootsie Rolls be gone!
Haiku # 62913, March 12, 2019 8:58 pm ET
by df
My special treatment.
Bend over so I can spray.
Gay bar night out prep.
Haiku # 62912, March 12, 2019 7:47 pm ET
by df
There was never rage.
I'm completely in control.
My sweet Tootsie Roll.

I guess Trump is a
Cheeto flavored Tootsie Rolle.
It's fact; there's no rage.

Artificial cheese.
Hydrogenated palm fat.
Salt and orange dye.
Haiku # 62911, March 12, 2019 7:45 pm ET
by df
The Tootsie Roll hole
or Tootsie Roll factory;
either suffices.

And I guess that farts
can be Tootsie Roll vapors.
Sort of like vaping.
Haiku # 62910, March 12, 2019 7:38 pm ET
by df
We're all coming there
You can wipe our Tootsie holes
See Darth's Tootsie Pop
Haiku # 62909, March 12, 2019 5:53 pm ET
by Owl of How many licks does it take?
Don't call it asshole
Now it's the Tootsie Roll hole
Tootsie in the bowl
Haiku # 62908, March 12, 2019 5:32 pm ET
by Tootsie home goal
Your rage against Trump:
completely irrational,
Since you are Tootsie.
Haiku # 62907, March 12, 2019 5:08 pm ET
by Darth of On a Roll, Toots...
Saying Donald Trump
is a big fat Tootsie Roll
insults Tootsie Rolls.
Haiku # 62906, March 12, 2019 4:38 pm ET
by df
If I were insane,
the first thing that I would do
is throw Tootsie Rolls.
Haiku # 62905, March 12, 2019 4:36 pm ET
by df
You ass might get wet,
but only very slightly,
and Tootsie Roll free!
Haiku # 62904, March 12, 2019 4:35 pm ET
by df
I almost stepped in
a big pile of dog Tootsie
Rolls but I saw it.
Haiku # 62903, March 12, 2019 4:32 pm ET
by df
I have changed my ways!
I no longer speak of... it.
Now it's Tootsie Rolls!
Haiku # 62902, March 12, 2019 4:24 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Why the fuck i here
I speak no conjugation
Don't think I china
Haiku # 62901, March 12, 2019 2:31 pm ET
by Ben Dover of Vancouver
Most unsettling
Water trickling down bum crack
While you pull up pants
Haiku # 62900, March 12, 2019 2:02 pm ET
by No spraycation plans
Most unsettling
Water trickling down bum crack
While you pull up pants
Haiku # 62899, March 12, 2019 2:02 pm ET
by No spraycation plans
Dear Darth Figpucker
When I come to visit you
You can wipe my bum
Haiku # 62898, March 12, 2019 12:20 pm ET
by Starkitten of Sanitary litter pan
Great thing about Darth:
at least he doesn't waste time
by not talking shit.
Haiku # 62897, March 12, 2019 7:59 am ET
by Asian Hi-Tech Latrine
Sci-fi Fleshlight toys.
Dilithium or khyber
power batteries?

No suction exists
That could suck all Bill Shatner's
spooge into a jar.
Haiku # 62896, March 12, 2019 5:20 am ET
by df of Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a massage parlor girl!
Just a dish sprayer.
Spray it vertically down
the crack of your ass.

Tootsie residue
sprays right off into the john.
And no need to wipe.

Quite sanitary.
Environmentally safe.
And it feels so good!
Haiku # 62895, March 12, 2019 5:14 am ET
by Nothing like a clean Tootsie Roll factory.
I looked on YouTube
Hose looks unsanitary
Just like my asshole
Haiku # 62894, March 12, 2019 5:07 am ET
by Crazy person of Crazy world
That would never work
My arthritis is so bad
And so is my aim
Haiku # 62893, March 12, 2019 5:05 am ET
by Ivana Noe
No need to disrobe.
Just like normal Tootsieing.
Pants around ankles.

Spray down your backside
when done making Tootsie Rolls.
Or wrap and sell them.
Haiku # 62892, March 12, 2019 12:57 am ET
by df
No, no. The sprayer
attaches at the back of
the toilet faucet.

After creating
a Tootsie Roll you just spray
the filth off your ass.

It all goes into
the toilet and saves TP.
Environmental!

And your ass feels fresh!
TP doesn't clean that well.
Bye-bye Tootsie Rolls!
Haiku # 62891, March 12, 2019 12:53 am ET
by Darth Clean Asshole Figpucker
When you roll the tootsie
Do you take off all your clothes?
Then you spray your ass?
Haiku # 62890, March 11, 2019 11:20 pm ET
by Ivana Noe
I don't use TP.
I did not squeeze the Charmin.
I use a sprayer.

Asians use water.
And their bathrooms are filthy.
Tootsie Roll central.

Roaches are well fed.
Tootsie Roll bits on the floor.
Flies enjoy it too.

Sprayers have higher
accuracy; my bathroom's
free of Tootsie Rolls.
Haiku # 62889, March 11, 2019 11:01 pm ET
by I am not guilty this time, your honor.
Tootsie Roll urge
A toilet paper roll purge
BUTTerfingers, now
Haiku # 62888, March 11, 2019 9:51 pm ET
by You can always was your hands
Okay, that's all fine.
Apparently you skipped the
important question:

What's your favorite
All Hallow's Eve candy bar?
Let's put it to vote.

Unlike Trump's game show,
there won't be any losers.
Except Tootsie Rolls.
Haiku # 62887, March 11, 2019 9:27 pm ET
by I will start saying Tootsie Rolls in place of the word shit. "I need to take a Tootsie Roll." "Damnit, I stepped in dog Tootsie Roll." "Your haiku a
Investigators
Tirelessly searching for clues
Who squeezed the Charmin?
Haiku # 62886, March 11, 2019 6:51 pm ET
by Mr. Whipple of Aisle
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