Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

I couldn't live there
No range of motion at all
Smelly Arthritis
Haiku # 62915, March 12, 2019 9:58 pm ET
by Google smelly arthritis joke
A raging woody
Rage against the tangerine
And his orange peen
Haiku # 62914, March 12, 2019 9:00 pm ET
by Poet of Know it
Free bottom cleaning.
Step right up, I'll spray your ass.
Tootsie Rolls be gone!
Haiku # 62913, March 12, 2019 8:58 pm ET
by df
My special treatment.
Bend over so I can spray.
Gay bar night out prep.
Haiku # 62912, March 12, 2019 7:47 pm ET
by df
There was never rage.
I'm completely in control.
My sweet Tootsie Roll.

I guess Trump is a
Cheeto flavored Tootsie Rolle.
It's fact; there's no rage.

Artificial cheese.
Hydrogenated palm fat.
Salt and orange dye.
Haiku # 62911, March 12, 2019 7:45 pm ET
by df
The Tootsie Roll hole
or Tootsie Roll factory;
either suffices.

And I guess that farts
can be Tootsie Roll vapors.
Sort of like vaping.
Haiku # 62910, March 12, 2019 7:38 pm ET
by df
We're all coming there
You can wipe our Tootsie holes
See Darth's Tootsie Pop
Haiku # 62909, March 12, 2019 5:53 pm ET
by Owl of How many licks does it take?
Don't call it asshole
Now it's the Tootsie Roll hole
Tootsie in the bowl
Haiku # 62908, March 12, 2019 5:32 pm ET
by Tootsie home goal
Your rage against Trump:
completely irrational,
Since you are Tootsie.
Haiku # 62907, March 12, 2019 5:08 pm ET
by Darth of On a Roll, Toots...
Saying Donald Trump
is a big fat Tootsie Roll
insults Tootsie Rolls.
Haiku # 62906, March 12, 2019 4:38 pm ET
by df
If I were insane,
the first thing that I would do
is throw Tootsie Rolls.
Haiku # 62905, March 12, 2019 4:36 pm ET
by df
You ass might get wet,
but only very slightly,
and Tootsie Roll free!
Haiku # 62904, March 12, 2019 4:35 pm ET
by df
I almost stepped in
a big pile of dog Tootsie
Rolls but I saw it.
Haiku # 62903, March 12, 2019 4:32 pm ET
by df
I have changed my ways!
I no longer speak of... it.
Now it's Tootsie Rolls!
Haiku # 62902, March 12, 2019 4:24 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Why the fuck i here
I speak no conjugation
Don't think I china
Haiku # 62901, March 12, 2019 2:31 pm ET
by Ben Dover of Vancouver
Most unsettling
Water trickling down bum crack
While you pull up pants
Haiku # 62900, March 12, 2019 2:02 pm ET
by No spraycation plans
Most unsettling
Water trickling down bum crack
While you pull up pants
Haiku # 62899, March 12, 2019 2:02 pm ET
by No spraycation plans
Dear Darth Figpucker
When I come to visit you
You can wipe my bum
Haiku # 62898, March 12, 2019 12:20 pm ET
by Starkitten of Sanitary litter pan
Great thing about Darth:
at least he doesn't waste time
by not talking shit.
Haiku # 62897, March 12, 2019 7:59 am ET
by Asian Hi-Tech Latrine
Sci-fi Fleshlight toys.
Dilithium or khyber
power batteries?

No suction exists
That could suck all Bill Shatner's
spooge into a jar.
Haiku # 62896, March 12, 2019 5:20 am ET
by df of Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a massage parlor girl!
Just a dish sprayer.
Spray it vertically down
the crack of your ass.

Tootsie residue
sprays right off into the john.
And no need to wipe.

Quite sanitary.
Environmentally safe.
And it feels so good!
Haiku # 62895, March 12, 2019 5:14 am ET
by Nothing like a clean Tootsie Roll factory.
I looked on YouTube
Hose looks unsanitary
Just like my asshole
Haiku # 62894, March 12, 2019 5:07 am ET
by Crazy person of Crazy world
That would never work
My arthritis is so bad
And so is my aim
Haiku # 62893, March 12, 2019 5:05 am ET
by Ivana Noe
No need to disrobe.
Just like normal Tootsieing.
Pants around ankles.

Spray down your backside
when done making Tootsie Rolls.
Or wrap and sell them.
Haiku # 62892, March 12, 2019 12:57 am ET
by df
No, no. The sprayer
attaches at the back of
the toilet faucet.

After creating
a Tootsie Roll you just spray
the filth off your ass.

It all goes into
the toilet and saves TP.
Environmental!

And your ass feels fresh!
TP doesn't clean that well.
Bye-bye Tootsie Rolls!
Haiku # 62891, March 12, 2019 12:53 am ET
by Darth Clean Asshole Figpucker
When you roll the tootsie
Do you take off all your clothes?
Then you spray your ass?
Haiku # 62890, March 11, 2019 11:20 pm ET
by Ivana Noe
I don't use TP.
I did not squeeze the Charmin.
I use a sprayer.

Asians use water.
And their bathrooms are filthy.
Tootsie Roll central.

Roaches are well fed.
Tootsie Roll bits on the floor.
Flies enjoy it too.

Sprayers have higher
accuracy; my bathroom's
free of Tootsie Rolls.
Haiku # 62889, March 11, 2019 11:01 pm ET
by I am not guilty this time, your honor.
Tootsie Roll urge
A toilet paper roll purge
BUTTerfingers, now
Haiku # 62888, March 11, 2019 9:51 pm ET
by You can always was your hands
Okay, that's all fine.
Apparently you skipped the
important question:

What's your favorite
All Hallow's Eve candy bar?
Let's put it to vote.

Unlike Trump's game show,
there won't be any losers.
Except Tootsie Rolls.
Haiku # 62887, March 11, 2019 9:27 pm ET
by I will start saying Tootsie Rolls in place of the word shit. "I need to take a Tootsie Roll." "Damnit, I stepped in dog Tootsie Roll." "Your haiku a
Investigators
Tirelessly searching for clues
Who squeezed the Charmin?
Haiku # 62886, March 11, 2019 6:51 pm ET
by Mr. Whipple of Aisle
Ice Bucket Challenge
At least 2 years have passed now
Penis still shriveled
Haiku # 62885, March 11, 2019 4:45 pm ET
by Worried
What good are wizards?
Most are old perverts at best
No argument here
Haiku # 62884, March 11, 2019 4:43 pm ET
by Cookie Jarvis
Please send in the clowns
8 man midget pyramid
Jar of vaseline
Haiku # 62883, March 11, 2019 4:40 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I bless your low noise.
May you sneeze all your brains out
in vile haiku form.
Haiku # 62882, March 11, 2019 2:52 pm ET
by Ah Tzu of Social Credit Score
Unsolved mystery
Who left you there all alone
In the toilet bowl?
Haiku # 62881, March 11, 2019 2:29 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Catsuit on steroids
On the back of the couch now
Atomic Cruise pounce
Haiku # 62880, March 11, 2019 2:05 pm ET
by Bath Salts Monday
Dangerously close
I'm at the end of my rope
Hanging by a thread
Haiku # 62879, March 11, 2019 2:01 pm ET
by A frayed knot
Low nose!!!!
Haiku # 62878, March 11, 2019 1:47 pm ET
by Go blow
No one says Bless You
When you sneeze out your low noise
I need a hankie
Haiku # 62877, March 11, 2019 1:47 pm ET
by Joe Blow of Job
Quick easy and fun
Pulling down your pants right now
Laughing at your dink
Haiku # 62876, March 11, 2019 1:44 pm ET
by Hahahaha
Formless Tootsie Roll
Painless pre dawn water birth
Commode filled to brim
Haiku # 62875, March 11, 2019 1:03 pm ET
by Quite pleased with that one of Commode
A beautiful mind
You Human Caculator!
Math makes me horny
Haiku # 62874, March 11, 2019 1:00 pm ET
by Al. G. Braugh of Sticky Abacus
If you dink is being pulled at the rate 42 strokes per minute and you have 5 mL of jizz in your testicular reservoir and the price of platypus meat is $185 per kilo, how long will you last at the happy ending massage parlor and what was the girls name and how big were her titties and what's the price of export quality chocolate from the mountains of Viet Nam and how much extra do you have to pay to have her lick said chocolate off your shaft while you shoot a load in her eye?
Use an input-output matrix equation.
Show your work or no credit.
Assume that Donald Trump has not got a blow job this week.
Haiku # 62873, March 11, 2019 12:47 pm ET
by df
Craving greasy meat
Bone-in long pig with shank attached
Still twitching with life
Haiku # 62872, March 11, 2019 11:53 am ET
by Hangryburd
Don't get AIDS and die;
and do not fuck Bangkok whores.
Just love God and live.
Haiku # 62871, March 11, 2019 11:17 am ET
by Jesus loves Figpuckers
Here's a good nightmare:
A dog that shits Tootsie Rolls.
Is that gross or what?!
Haiku # 62870, March 11, 2019 9:55 am ET
by Wormy, bloody Tootsie Rolls.
Goddamn kids' nightmares.
They've never seen real monsters!
Fuck... the cats are back.

I should run away.
Move to Thailand and fuck whores.
Get AIDS and then die.

I'm sick of this world.
It sure seems sick of me too.
What a farce life is.

Peel back the layers
of bullshit like an onion;
It keeps getting worse.
Haiku # 62869, March 11, 2019 9:53 am ET
by Dog Stew! That's what I need to put me in a good mood. Fuck I hate dogs. of Cats can be annoying, but I really hate dogs. Noisy and shit everywhere. Barking and biting. Trash digging, worm-ridden filth.
I've put a halt to
an hour of feline clamor.
Street cat politics.
Haiku # 62868, March 11, 2019 9:39 am ET
by df
Goddamn cats fighting
or fucking right outside my
damn office window!
Haiku # 62867, March 11, 2019 7:56 am ET
by Hope they're enjoying themselves. of Time to break it up.
Double-filled Reses'.
If you want pure decadence.
Filippina whores.

I do not know why.
Now how did that get in there?
Yeah, that's what she said.

Lizard wants tacos.
This ain't fucking Mexico?
No bell on this house.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a44rInONJRY
Haiku # 62866, March 11, 2019 5:07 am ET
by df
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