Eggnog enema
Run to the birdbath bidet
Snowman got hemorrhoids

Family Tradition
We wiped with the Sears Wish Book
Why the iPad's brown

Hunched on my front lawn
Is that a drunk throwing up!?
Santa shitting.

Bah Humbug, Poopstain!
I'll give you gift wrapped garbage
And a shrunken head

Off in the distance
The farts of everyone else
Here on planet Earth

If Santa shows up
Jerking off on the sofa?
Here's your lump of coal

Turtle head poking
Pull into the Shell station
Nothing. Just more gas.

McCephalopod
Review: Briney Aftertaste
Makes you shit eight times

What's the point of a
Goddamned plastic Christmas tree?
Hail Saturnalia!

Hurt yet, mes amis?
Should have voted for Le Pen,
silly French masses.

A bird in the hand --
Sorry . . . a Bush in the grave
Worth two in White House

A bird in the hand

Syllables, huh?
A Shitty Haiku? Fuck you.
Why the fuck not, hm?

i wonder what you're
like to chat with...unleash you
on tumblrs...website...

Sir, the choice is yours
Desert Death/Penis Ice Pick
The Iceman Cometh

Because they are smart,
I will not eat octopi.
Future sentient.

Could be that one day
they'll be eating our offspring,
jests how gross we look.

Better if they're live.
Live tentacles can choke you.
Swallow them and die.

Revenge of the squid.
Its ink will write your obit.
What a joke you'll be.

Weird Japanese snack:
Grilled tentacle on a stick.
(Suckers for sea-food.)

Don't forget panties.
Worn panty vending machines.
Samurai offspring.

Japanese are weird.
Get too excited about
Shopping and strange food

OFF Kanagawa.
Hawaiians would have surfed it.
Japanese are punks.

Check out CNN
Great Wave of Kanagawa
Featured there today

Problem is can't lie
Like George Washington. Cherry tree.
Bad breath. Wooden teeth

Say you're a victim!
You can get tons of money!
Buy lots of dildos.

Wasn't a victim
Jared only had six inch
I ordered foot long

Ronald stole my soul.
That damn Monopoly game.
And, Christ, it was rigged!

Ronald McDonald
is, I am sure, the Devil.
Or the antichrist.

Still, that's better than
what Jarred had stole from you,
underage hooker.

Ronald McDonald
Stole your soul decades ago
Can't have it your way

Poem McNuggets.
Will they taste better if you
dip them in my sauce?

The poet(s) in here
Anonymously leave behind
Nuggets of pure art

vhs is darth
starkitten is someone else
anonymous who

Packed holiday fudge
For the priest and postman,
UPS Go Brown

Twenty chickens have got loose inside my head and have shat all over the place and now matter how hard you try the stains won't come off the tile and now the Devil and all his friends are having a rave in there and the fucking awful techno music won't stop and the strobe lights and lasers make me want to gouge out my own eyes and it wouldn't be so bad if only they'd share just one little hit of acid those greedy fuckers!

Thanks for asking.

Nothing's hidden here.
Bare as a porn star on set.
Solo performance.

Just one poet here
Just arguing with himself
Hiding behind poems

Devouring souls,
writhing and screaming in pain,
like birds eating worms.

I know you're thinking
"Gummies are so bad for you."
High fructose demon.

The Savage Sword of
Conan the Barbarian.
Do you remember?

I've had many names.
Symphony for the Devil.
Or something like that.

I'm not vhs.
And I'm sure not "Starkitten".
That's too gay for me.

But does it matter?
Could be all the same poet.
Remember Sybil?

You just might be me.
And you wouldn't even know.
You sexy beast, you!

It must be one person
Because lowercase df
Is Darth Figpucker

Vhs or Darth
One of them is Starkitten
Almost positive

Get off this website.
Find someone to have sex with.
I bet you cannot.

And that's why you're here.
Trade insults like playing cards.
Lonely little troll.

I can't help the fact
that shit comes out of my mouth;
I eat it all day.

Oddball question here
Tips for removing grease stains
From walls and sofa

oddball question here
Do robots ejaculate?
If so, is it grease?

Free food and cold drinks
We have a few more prizes
To giveaway too

The prizes are farts
Spin the wheel of Bad Haiku
Don

Are they all the same one
The poets who submit here
It's just one person?

Starkitten funny
Decades of celibacy
Should have been a nun

Now Anglican hymns.
Now transcendence of Christmas.
Darth can dwell in shit.

Starkitten Haiku:
Sex on the brain and then some
Wet librarian

Back End Breeze Blowing
Bad Ass Volcano Flowing
Brown Lava, Showing

That Darth Figpucker
Conditioner Connoisseur
Slippery Fellow

My friend Fickpucker
Skateboarding through life's manure
Sowing poem seeds

In brown italics
The poetry discharge hole
Self cleaning stink duct