BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
4 Days
and
60984 Haikus
later...
We love you, Darth Figpucker!!
Haiku #60846, by Anonymous Poet
November 7, 2018 11:29 pm ET

Could be cheap drama
I'm not above such tactics.
Look at me, lookie!

No, I'm really ill.
but not like imminent death.
Just bad injury.

Fucking life!
no physical exertion, no drinking, no drugs...
No putting small animals in my rectum,
nothing fun any more. Damn it.
And I have nasty fucking headaches.

Surgery is a very likely possibility.
Crack open head, remove blood and cauterize
the broken veins. Look it up.
Subdural hematoma.
Should have worm a fucking helmet. Stupid idiot I am.

Fuck, fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

But look. Whatever happens, it is NOT important. We are all just farts in the windstorm. Never forget that.
Haiku #60845, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 7, 2018 10:58 pm ET

Starkitten sneaky
I
Haiku #60844, by Anonymous Poet
November 7, 2018 10:34 pm ET

Starkitten sneaky
I
Haiku #60843, by Nurse Starkitten
November 7, 2018 10:21 pm ET

Starkitten sneaky
I
Haiku #60842, by Nurse Starkitten
November 7, 2018 10:13 pm ET

Starkitten sneaky
I
Haiku #60841, by Nurse Starkitten
November 7, 2018 10:13 pm ET

Is Darth really ill?
or is it just cheap drama . . .
Important to know.
Haiku #60840, by Anonymous Poet
November 7, 2018 9:49 pm ET

I do not mind if
you come visit, Starkitten.
Just don't tell my wife.
Haiku #60839, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of Har har har
November 7, 2018 9:45 pm ET

It's hard to tell yet.
Subdural hematomas
don't often heal well.

Can kill years later
if it is not cauterized
Surgery, maybe.

Considering it.
Options, possibilities.
Heart of Gold warp drive.

What's more important
is my penis enlargement
surgery Friday.
Haiku #60838, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of a fucking clown to the end
November 7, 2018 9:42 pm ET

I hope you're ok, Darth xoxo
Me and VHS will come visit you
Haiku #60837, by Starkitten
November 7, 2018 2:50 pm ET

Turd stew! Hot Turd Stew!
Get your Hot Turd Stew! Turd Stew!
Hot stuff coming through!
Haiku #60836, by Hot Stuff of Coming Through
November 7, 2018 2:46 pm ET

sad to hear it, will
keep you in my prayers if that
works, i will anyway
Haiku #60835, by vhs
November 7, 2018 2:45 pm ET

Breathe the Molecules
An exquisite blend of farts
Catch a whiff of me
Haiku #60834, by Invitation of Air
November 7, 2018 2:14 pm ET

I say the Pen is
mightier than than the S-word.
. . . and the S-word is:
Haiku #60833, by the shining Big-Sea-Water, stood the wigwam of Nokomis, Daughter of the Moon, Nokomis
November 7, 2018 8:46 am ET

How many testes
is testicularity.
Seldom more than two.

Serial killers
might collect testes in jars.
could skew the data.
Haiku #60832, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 7, 2018 8:40 am ET

Another CT
scan tomorrow to see how
much blood's on the brain.

If they operate,
I'm sure that I will die.
Shit hole country odds.
Haiku #60831, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 7, 2018 8:30 am ET

An haiku poets
should murder people with pens.
With pens, not penes.
Haiku #60830, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 7, 2018 8:25 am ET

Serial killers
should write haiku with the blood
of their victims. POOT!

I had to write POOT.
Otherwise it's no haiku.
Poopie poo poo poo.
Haiku #60829, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 7, 2018 8:23 am ET

Sea monkey penes.
Apparently they have two.
If wife chops one off.

https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-94-017-0791-6_1
Haiku #60828, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 7, 2018 8:17 am ET

Back to sea monkeys
No, they don't have cute faces
Want to see their junk
Haiku #60827, by Lonely of Alone
November 7, 2018 1:23 am ET

Serial killers
They should write haiku instead
Just my opinion
Haiku #60826, by Drunk of Barstool
November 7, 2018 1:20 am ET

Two slices of bread
The protein will be cunt lips
How 'bout a pickle
Haiku #60825, by Tiger woods of Subway
November 7, 2018 12:41 am ET

I tried to vote twice
Longpig Party. FIGPUCKER!!
Farted on ballot.
Haiku #60824, by 4 Good Luck
November 6, 2018 11:24 pm ET

Vote for Figpucker!
Build a brothel in each town!
Thailand pays for it!
Haiku #60823, by Darth Figpucker for President!
November 6, 2018 11:12 pm ET

I voted, I think
But I mistook your ass crack
For the ballot box
Haiku #60822, by Apparently you liked it of Mid term erections
November 6, 2018 10:00 pm ET

Elect FIGPUCKER !
(Since this world is a shithole
and he loves shitholes)
Haiku #60821, by Anonymous Poet
November 6, 2018 9:41 pm ET

I truly do hope
It doesn't turn out to be
A light-red ripple.
Haiku #60820, by But I won't have a prolonged public meltdown if it happens the way the pathetic regressives have doing since the election of our Windswept Wizard of Wonderful
November 6, 2018 6:37 pm ET

* have
Haiku #60819, by Buzzy of Compound eye doctors
November 6, 2018 5:45 pm ET

"Oh, and furthermore
Leave my brethren alone, Darth.
Mosquitoes gave rights!"
Haiku #60818, by Buzzy of In the pissed off section
November 6, 2018 5:44 pm ET

"and while I'm at it
I'll leave behind some flaiku
Also known as poop."
Haiku #60817, by Buzzy of Around
November 6, 2018 5:42 pm ET

(Insect voice) "Hey, man..
We're saving that chunk for later!
Feasting on yours now."
Haiku #60816, by Buzzy the annoying fly of On your haiku
November 6, 2018 4:07 pm ET

Filthy remains rot
Even flies won't eat the corpse
That is your Haiku
Haiku #60815, by Decomposition of Liquefaction
November 6, 2018 9:54 am ET

You said power drill
The trigger words. You woke me
I've got morning wood
Haiku #60814, by Bob Villa
November 6, 2018 7:57 am ET

I'm sure he's quite handy
Barney could fix your plumbing
And clog all your pipes
Haiku #60813, by He"s trouble
November 6, 2018 7:54 am ET

Like, the Scooby snack
Could have been giant Funyuns
But they drew your dink
Haiku #60812, by I know you get a boner of But do you receive royalties?
November 6, 2018 7:48 am ET

Brain damage is cool.
When you wake up from a dream,
it all seems so real.

I had an affair
with Barney the dinosaur
dressed like a plumber.

But the headaches suck.
Power drill pressure relief.
So fucking tempting.

Why the dream about
Velma from Scoobie Doo?
Never in my life.

"You can't fuck me, I'm a cartoon.
I'm not even supposed to say that word.
Oh... oooo... well... okay."

Seriously... WTF?!
Haiku #60811, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 6, 2018 5:38 am ET

Yeah, if you jack off.
Don't do it on a skateboard.
Or wear a helmet.
Haiku #60810, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 6, 2018 4:39 am ET

hit by an arrow
walking in Piccadilly
on Feb fourteen morn
Haiku #60809, by fabio sassi of bologna, italy
November 6, 2018 3:03 am ET

Knitting dink covers
For the holidays, boys
Who needs the big size?
Haiku #60808, by Crafty
November 6, 2018 2:20 am ET

Is this real haiku?
Is haiku about pooping?
Ok, I farted
Haiku #60807, by Nina
November 6, 2018 2:04 am ET

The article said
The old man was skateboarding
And masturbating
Haiku #60806, by And yelling haiku poems of And chasing a pig
November 5, 2018 11:29 pm ET

I am such a cunt.
Old people should not skateboard.
Stay home and jack off!

Fucking little goddamn pebble! Fuck!
Haiku #60805, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 5, 2018 11:12 pm ET

Trying to heal you
Starkitten has been ill, too
Last surgery failed
Haiku #60804, by Have seam up middle like stuffed animal of Sending healing farts your way (smelliest ones)
November 5, 2018 11:04 pm ET

The chance is high that
you just breathed a molecule
from Hitler's last fart.

And Beethoven's and
Jesus' and Buddha's and...
You get the idea.

We are all one fart!
Chemistry is amazing!
Avogadro's Cock!

6.022x10^23 golf balls covering the earth 3 miles deep in golf balls. Tiger Woods, save us! Offerings of cocaine and prostitutes.
Haiku #60803, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 5, 2018 10:49 pm ET

Life is fucking great.
Subdural hematoma.
What could be better.

Yo momma in a coma hematoma.

Christ I hope I die.
Fuck all that surgery shit.
Tampon in the nose.

Not terrible, but I do have to monitor it.
Headaches fucking suck, slight numbness.
Yesterday was worse. Maybe it will get better.
You fuckers aren't rid of me yet.

Yeah, fuck surgery.
Bacardi 151.
Power drill, tampon.
Haiku #60802, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of DIY brain surgery. Web MD.com. Save money!
November 5, 2018 10:37 pm ET

Passenger pigeon
Important haiku in beak
Scratch that...his asshole
Haiku #60801, by Asshole it stinked
November 5, 2018 10:19 pm ET

Is there room in Hell
For us and our poetry
And smelly asses?
Haiku #60800, by Anonymous Poet
November 5, 2018 9:19 pm ET

The way I see it
If you keep at it a while
You'll jizz out something
Haiku #60799, by Jizzer
November 5, 2018 9:06 pm ET

Poems write themselves
They float in the air we breathe
Along with Darth's farts
Haiku #60798, by Breathing mud
November 5, 2018 8:47 pm ET

Whenever in doubt
You should press submit haiku
Just put some words up
Haiku #60797, by Haiku Advice of Haiku 101
November 5, 2018 8:45 pm ET