BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
21 Years
341 Days
and
60302 Haikus
later...
Happiness is a
bloody swatted mosquito
that had just bit you.

Today will be good.
Tomorrow will be better.
ALL MOSQUITOES DIE!
Haiku #60045, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 6:59 pm ET

Hey now, that's not nice.
Don't make fun of poets' moms.
I feel bad for them.

For the moms, I mean.
Imagine your kid being
a haiku poet.

Not a pretty thought.
Gives me the heebie jeebies.
Well, more than "The Nun".
Haiku #60044, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of Don't see "The Nun"... what a joke.
October 11, 2018 6:55 pm ET

Yo' momma so low-
class she laughs at yo' momma
jokes on this website.
Haiku #60043, by DARTH TINYCOCKSMELLSLIKEPIGSHIT
October 11, 2018 6:37 pm ET

Yo' momma so dumb
she thinks gross income is cash
put in her g-string.
Haiku #60042, by DARTH TINYCOCKSMELLSLIKEPIGSHIT
October 11, 2018 6:36 pm ET

Yo momma so loose
she thinks elbow grease is a
sexual lube.
Haiku #60041, by DARTH TINYCOCKSMELLSLIKEPIGSHIT
October 11, 2018 6:32 pm ET

Just sold a painting
You screaming in the mirror
One million dollars
Haiku #60040, by Starkitten of MassMoca
October 11, 2018 4:08 pm ET

Well in my spare time
Stare at myself in mirror
And just scream loudly
Haiku #60039, by DARTH PIGTICKLER
October 11, 2018 3:27 pm ET

Let me wash your ass
I'll sell the dingleberries
At Farmer's Market
Haiku #60038, by Ambitious
October 11, 2018 2:44 pm ET

Benjamin Franklin
Warming his hairy denoinks
Near the Franklin Stove
Haiku #60037, by Starkitten of The Dude Abides
October 11, 2018 2:27 pm ET

Plymouth Belvedere
This car climbed Mt. Washington
Yaz, who loves ya Baby
Haiku #60036, by Bumper stickers of Yesterday of Meow
October 11, 2018 2:23 pm ET

Conjoined headless twin
Forcing me to wear white pants
After Labour Day
Haiku #60035, by Anonymous Poet
October 11, 2018 12:20 pm ET

Stay on Google Plus.
Lots of T&A on there.
Stress relief, you know.
Haiku #60034, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 11:31 am ET

Stop watching the "news".
Shut down Facebook and Twitter.
Then you will find peace.
Haiku #60033, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 11:29 am ET

Rats flee a doomed ship.
Long before it starts to sink.
Swimming to safety.

Not an easy trip.
But going down with the ship,
for captains, not rats.
Haiku #60032, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 11:25 am ET

anyhow well
well well...
Haiku #60031, by vhs
October 11, 2018 8:42 am ET

why eat the flesh of
an undead toxic swine? let
it rot and burn and

let the world be purified
the world is in a kind of war right
now, so of course people are
acting, fucked up, the loonies
and their programmed slaves are
lashing out on script
Haiku #60030, by vhs
October 11, 2018 8:35 am ET

unless of course some
person sees this and realizes
this shit was the net

and it will be a
live, if we can survive this
present conflict now

something about a conspiracy of
an Economist cover and families
just following their routines
Haiku #60029, by vhs
October 11, 2018 8:33 am ET

so there will be a
time when you and i are dead
and no more haiku
Haiku #60028, by vhs
October 11, 2018 8:30 am ET

to be honest i think you have
been eating yourself psychically
for a long time. if i knew someone
was coming for me, well, you know
vote Republican there, what is the
point when basically there is a
civil war already on, there's a party
full of aging narcissists and sociopaths
that need to retire or drop dead or
be removed from power, and this
sort of shock bullshit makes me
want to shove that protest sign up
your ass. prison for antifa mob members, hard labor, restitution
for the damage they caused. a hardened lunatic has to go to hell
because they are already dead
Haiku #60027, by vhs
October 11, 2018 8:29 am ET

African warlords
will consume their enemies.
Not a bad idea.

Get rid of a pest
and cut the grocery bill.
Getting hungry yet?

Noisy neighbor soup.
Give us your best recipes.
Prize for the winner:

Box set DVDs
Silence of the Lambs series
Slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp.
Haiku #60026, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 7:53 am ET

Cannibalism.
Who's the coolest cannibal?
Fish, Dahmer, Packer?

Fish was the cruelest.
And by far the creepiest.
But he's not my fave.

Tell me you've seen it.
Cannibal the Musical.
So I vote Packer.
Haiku #60025, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of You're right, let's change the topic!
October 11, 2018 7:43 am ET

Fleshlights, chicken-sex
excremental fantasies...
It gets dull finally.
Haiku #60024, by golly of course it does
October 11, 2018 7:14 am ET

Chicken shaped Flesh Light
A sound investment. Hurry
Bok Bok Bok BOKKAaaaaaah
Haiku #60023, by Anonymous Poet
October 11, 2018 4:10 am ET

I see what you mean
Anthony Wiener. Poultry
True Chicken Fucker
Haiku #60022, by Trump eats Pork
October 11, 2018 4:05 am ET

Pork bellies are up
And so is Edie Brickell
Mickey Finned Old Paul
Haiku #60021, by Edie burp
October 11, 2018 3:55 am ET

The alien parasite mimics the DNA of its host to attain beneficial traits to its environment. While this is sci-fi, the human parasite (I mean to say we human beings) tend to develop traits of the animals they eat. Those who eat a lot of beef, get... beefy. Pork eaters tend to turn into gelatinous blobs and even have piggy little noses. Poultry eaters are jittery little fuckers. And poultry eaters on meth are highly dangerous. Perhaps you should stay away from cock-fights. But it really is goddamned fun to get wasted on cheap rum and watch a couple of roosters gore each other while grown men wave money around making crazy hand symbols like the NYSE back in the day down on the floor... before everything went digital and synthetic. Hmmm.... that's a funny looking haiku.
Haiku #60020, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 3:44 am ET

sizzle snizzle zip
Zag rooty dip dooty
Pip pop zabadoo
Haiku #60019, by Zabitty bop
October 11, 2018 3:32 am ET

right now this late hope
will only come back if i
turn this dang thing off
Haiku #60018, by vhs
October 11, 2018 3:32 am ET

I came close to proving the Riemann hypothesis, but then her sweat dripped down and ruined everything.
Thanks a fucking lot!
Haiku #60017, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 3:32 am ET

Buying stocks is dumb.
Take your cash to a cock-fight.
Odds are way better.

Don't trust the Chinese.
The Japs had the right idea.
Maybe a bit harsh.

Pollution and greed.
Searching for eternal life.
What is the secret?

I will tell you now.
Endangered species souffle.
They believe that shit.

--- and you trusted them?!
Haiku #60016, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 3:29 am ET

it still hurts to think
i put too much trust and coin
in on linewell, stuff
Haiku #60015, by vhs
October 11, 2018 3:19 am ET

when the heart moves on
the world of man passes to
a place matters not
Haiku #60014, by vhs
October 11, 2018 3:11 am ET

Make use of the space
Mathematical Equations
Solved on her rear end
Haiku #60013, by Wipe-off Markers
October 11, 2018 1:05 am ET

Caress your curvy one
Kiss her dimpled derrière
Use the Nine Iron
Haiku #60012, by Tiger Woods left me stranded of Subway
October 11, 2018 1:03 am ET

I need a mistress.
My wife's ass is way too fat.
Time to go shopping.
Haiku #60011, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:58 am ET

Merv Griffin's guffaw
May it haunt you til end times
Bwah ha ha ha ha!
Haiku #60010, by Anonymous Poet
October 11, 2018 12:50 am ET

Jack Albertson's cock
Like a dying leather worm
Shriveled in the sun
Haiku #60009, by Memories of Old Penises of Sunny side of the street
October 11, 2018 12:46 am ET

Up in the Heavens
Come back down! Try some burping
Like Jack Albertson
Haiku #60008, by Anonymous Poet
October 11, 2018 12:43 am ET

There he goes again
Balloon Boy! Fetch the Pea Shooter
Needs more Lunchables
Haiku #60007, by Anonymous Poet
October 11, 2018 12:39 am ET

I like getting high
on the farts of C'thulu.
Mylar balloon bliss.
Haiku #60006, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:35 am ET

You want to get big?
Rub stinging nettles on it.
Just a little bit.
Haiku #60005, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:32 am ET

A mole of golf balls
would cover Earth three miles deep.
Save us, Tiger Woods!
Haiku #60004, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:27 am ET

A mole of moles' moles.
Six point oh two two times ten
to the twenty third.

That's hella lot of
burrowing rodent skin growths.
More than I could count.
Haiku #60003, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:25 am ET

Eat me, eat me raw!
... or cooked; it doesn't matter.
I might give you gas.
Haiku #60002, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:21 am ET

Prayer's to C'thulu:
Please eat all poets on earth.
Haiku poets first.
Haiku #60001, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 11, 2018 12:20 am ET

John Boy Walton's mole
Not of Italian descent
But kinda greasy
Haiku #60000, by Up Close of In ya face
October 11, 2018 12:01 am ET

Whatever you do
Don't say "Damn the Dead."
Ok, I warned you
Haiku #59999, by Don't say it of Don't even think about it
October 10, 2018 11:59 pm ET

Crazy Italians
Putting saints in the windows
To fight the thunder
Haiku #59998, by Crazy Italians of The Gut
October 10, 2018 11:57 pm ET

Night crawling was fun
Sometimes the worms were screwing
Sometimes broke in half
Haiku #59997, by Night Crawlers of 5 cents plus I put in my 2 cents. You do the math.
October 10, 2018 11:55 pm ET

Mortar and pestle
Medicate your family
So satisfying
Haiku #59996, by Seinfeld's Plagiarist Wife of Liquor Store
October 10, 2018 11:49 pm ET