Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 135 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

anyhow well
well well...
Haiku # 60031, October 11, 2018 8:42 am ET
by vhs
why eat the flesh of
an undead toxic swine? let
it rot and burn and

let the world be purified
the world is in a kind of war right
now, so of course people are
acting, fucked up, the loonies
and their programmed slaves are
lashing out on script
Haiku # 60030, October 11, 2018 8:35 am ET
by vhs
unless of course some
person sees this and realizes
this shit was the net

and it will be a
live, if we can survive this
present conflict now

something about a conspiracy of
an Economist cover and families
just following their routines
Haiku # 60029, October 11, 2018 8:33 am ET
by vhs
so there will be a
time when you and i are dead
and no more haiku
Haiku # 60028, October 11, 2018 8:30 am ET
by vhs
to be honest i think you have
been eating yourself psychically
for a long time. if i knew someone
was coming for me, well, you know
vote Republican there, what is the
point when basically there is a
civil war already on, there's a party
full of aging narcissists and sociopaths
that need to retire or drop dead or
be removed from power, and this
sort of shock bullshit makes me
want to shove that protest sign up
your ass. prison for antifa mob members, hard labor, restitution
for the damage they caused. a hardened lunatic has to go to hell
because they are already dead
Haiku # 60027, October 11, 2018 8:29 am ET
by vhs
African warlords
will consume their enemies.
Not a bad idea.

Get rid of a pest
and cut the grocery bill.
Getting hungry yet?

Noisy neighbor soup.
Give us your best recipes.
Prize for the winner:

Box set DVDs
Silence of the Lambs series
Slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp.
Haiku # 60026, October 11, 2018 7:53 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Cannibalism.
Who's the coolest cannibal?
Fish, Dahmer, Packer?

Fish was the cruelest.
And by far the creepiest.
But he's not my fave.

Tell me you've seen it.
Cannibal the Musical.
So I vote Packer.
Haiku # 60025, October 11, 2018 7:43 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of You're right, let's change the topic!
Fleshlights, chicken-sex
excremental fantasies...
It gets dull finally.
Haiku # 60024, October 11, 2018 7:14 am ET
by golly of course it does
Chicken shaped Flesh Light
A sound investment. Hurry
Bok Bok Bok BOKKAaaaaaah
Haiku # 60023, October 11, 2018 4:10 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I see what you mean
Anthony Wiener. Poultry
True Chicken Fucker
Haiku # 60022, October 11, 2018 4:05 am ET
by Trump eats Pork
Pork bellies are up
And so is Edie Brickell
Mickey Finned Old Paul
Haiku # 60021, October 11, 2018 3:55 am ET
by Edie burp
The alien parasite mimics the DNA of its host to attain beneficial traits to its environment. While this is sci-fi, the human parasite (I mean to say we human beings) tend to develop traits of the animals they eat. Those who eat a lot of beef, get... beefy. Pork eaters tend to turn into gelatinous blobs and even have piggy little noses. Poultry eaters are jittery little fuckers. And poultry eaters on meth are highly dangerous. Perhaps you should stay away from cock-fights. But it really is goddamned fun to get wasted on cheap rum and watch a couple of roosters gore each other while grown men wave money around making crazy hand symbols like the NYSE back in the day down on the floor... before everything went digital and synthetic. Hmmm.... that's a funny looking haiku.
Haiku # 60020, October 11, 2018 3:44 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
sizzle snizzle zip
Zag rooty dip dooty
Pip pop zabadoo
Haiku # 60019, October 11, 2018 3:32 am ET
by Zabitty bop
right now this late hope
will only come back if i
turn this dang thing off
Haiku # 60018, October 11, 2018 3:32 am ET
by vhs
I came close to proving the Riemann hypothesis, but then her sweat dripped down and ruined everything.
Thanks a fucking lot!
Haiku # 60017, October 11, 2018 3:32 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Buying stocks is dumb.
Take your cash to a cock-fight.
Odds are way better.

Don't trust the Chinese.
The Japs had the right idea.
Maybe a bit harsh.

Pollution and greed.
Searching for eternal life.
What is the secret?

I will tell you now.
Endangered species souffle.
They believe that shit.

--- and you trusted them?!
Haiku # 60016, October 11, 2018 3:29 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
it still hurts to think
i put too much trust and coin
in on linewell, stuff
Haiku # 60015, October 11, 2018 3:19 am ET
by vhs
when the heart moves on
the world of man passes to
a place matters not
Haiku # 60014, October 11, 2018 3:11 am ET
by vhs
Make use of the space
Mathematical Equations
Solved on her rear end
Haiku # 60013, October 11, 2018 1:05 am ET
by Wipe-off Markers
Caress your curvy one
Kiss her dimpled derrière
Use the Nine Iron
Haiku # 60012, October 11, 2018 1:03 am ET
by Tiger Woods left me stranded of Subway
I need a mistress.
My wife's ass is way too fat.
Time to go shopping.
Haiku # 60011, October 11, 2018 12:58 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Merv Griffin's guffaw
May it haunt you til end times
Bwah ha ha ha ha!
Haiku # 60010, October 11, 2018 12:50 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Jack Albertson's cock
Like a dying leather worm
Shriveled in the sun
Haiku # 60009, October 11, 2018 12:46 am ET
by Memories of Old Penises of Sunny side of the street
Up in the Heavens
Come back down! Try some burping
Like Jack Albertson
Haiku # 60008, October 11, 2018 12:43 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
There he goes again
Balloon Boy! Fetch the Pea Shooter
Needs more Lunchables
Haiku # 60007, October 11, 2018 12:39 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I like getting high
on the farts of C'thulu.
Mylar balloon bliss.
Haiku # 60006, October 11, 2018 12:35 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
You want to get big?
Rub stinging nettles on it.
Just a little bit.
Haiku # 60005, October 11, 2018 12:32 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
A mole of golf balls
would cover Earth three miles deep.
Save us, Tiger Woods!
Haiku # 60004, October 11, 2018 12:27 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
A mole of moles' moles.
Six point oh two two times ten
to the twenty third.

That's hella lot of
burrowing rodent skin growths.
More than I could count.
Haiku # 60003, October 11, 2018 12:25 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Eat me, eat me raw!
... or cooked; it doesn't matter.
I might give you gas.
Haiku # 60002, October 11, 2018 12:21 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Prayer's to C'thulu:
Please eat all poets on earth.
Haiku poets first.
Haiku # 60001, October 11, 2018 12:20 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
John Boy Walton's mole
Not of Italian descent
But kinda greasy
Haiku # 60000, October 11, 2018 12:01 am ET
by Up Close of In ya face
Whatever you do
Don't say "Damn the Dead."
Ok, I warned you
Haiku # 59999, October 10, 2018 11:59 pm ET
by Don't say it of Don't even think about it
Crazy Italians
Putting saints in the windows
To fight the thunder
Haiku # 59998, October 10, 2018 11:57 pm ET
by Crazy Italians of The Gut
Night crawling was fun
Sometimes the worms were screwing
Sometimes broke in half
Haiku # 59997, October 10, 2018 11:55 pm ET
by Night Crawlers of 5 cents plus I put in my 2 cents. You do the math.
Mortar and pestle
Medicate your family
So satisfying
Haiku # 59996, October 10, 2018 11:49 pm ET
by Seinfeld's Plagiarist Wife of Liquor Store
Noah's ark happened.
So there's no more dinosaurs.
They were too damn big.
Haiku # 59995, October 10, 2018 11:48 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Hail Satan, yo.
Him and his giant red ass.
Who can't worship that?!
Haiku # 59994, October 10, 2018 11:33 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Fun activity
Empty out box full of snakes
And stomp their brains out!
Haiku # 59993, October 10, 2018 11:15 pm ET
by Adam Ben Adam
prayer
Haiku # 59992, October 10, 2018 10:32 pm ET
by vhs
Agoraphobics
We are going out the door
But not ready yet
Haiku # 59991, October 10, 2018 8:43 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet of Inside
Neither a cover, nor sophisticated, deadhead distribution of LSD was (and to some extent still remains) blatant and open, clumsy and careless. "Rainbow" gatherings, burning man, and many other festivals have followed suit. It's no secret. Nothing is hidden. The DEA is a bunch of idiots.
Haiku # 59990, October 10, 2018 7:58 pm ET
by df
Word play ha-penis.
Tits, ass, and cunnilingus.
Insert silliness.
Haiku # 59989, October 10, 2018 7:22 pm ET
by Starshittin
Brittle toe nails.
Like an old hag casting spells.
But I've no magic.
Haiku # 59988, October 10, 2018 7:17 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Restrung my guitar
Ate British savory pie
Down on my knees now
Haiku # 59987, October 10, 2018 5:39 pm ET
by Praying
You must (must!) be saved
but the weird thing about it,
your own will: useless
Haiku # 59986, October 10, 2018 4:39 pm ET
by the stench of it all was getting to me
Bare Necessities
Will need G-string and pasties
Then go to the bank
Haiku # 59985, October 10, 2018 4:19 pm ET
by Starkitten of A bit nippy
Donna Godchaux's voice
Proven to cause brain damage
Tune out. Take Tylenol
Haiku # 59984, October 10, 2018 3:47 pm ET
by Deadhead
According to the
DEA the Grateful Dead
Sophisticated

Cover for the sale
Distribution LSD
Bunch of silly squares
Haiku # 59983, October 10, 2018 2:29 pm ET
by Hipster of Starbucks
Vegan Parmesan
Try Parma! Original
Starkitten Approved
Haiku # 59982, October 10, 2018 2:15 pm ET
by Starkitten
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