BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
21 Years
339 Days
and
60278 Haikus
later...
Roughly mopping floors.
My porno theater job.
Hey, it pays the bills.
Haiku #59970, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 3:23 am ET

Looked under the sink
Dr. Bronner's. You wrote that!?
We're All One Or None!!
Haiku #59969, by Starkitten of Far Out
October 10, 2018 3:23 am ET

My fave sex toy is
the inflatable T-Rex
with her battle scars.
Haiku #59968, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 3:22 am ET

Look under the sink.
There you'll find my poetry.
Counter's bottom side.

It is not easy.
I lay down on dirty floors.
Writing where none see.
Haiku #59967, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 10, 2018 3:18 am ET

Gently mopping floors
Listening to swing music
Please don't ask me why
Haiku #59966, by Man With Paper Bag On His Head
October 10, 2018 3:07 am ET

10 holes to choose from
They all smell bad but stuff your
Fingers inside them
Haiku #59965, by Nathan's Rubber Gloves of (Nathan Forgot His Rubber Gloves)
October 10, 2018 3:05 am ET

Waiting turns me on
That's called autoerotic
Procrastination
Haiku #59964, by Sparklepony, MD
October 10, 2018 3:03 am ET

Yeah I need this place
Same way I need a shotgun
Blast straight to my face

I pack coffee shops
Where hipsters line up to hear
Me lay down haikus
Haiku #59963, by Tony Clifton, Jr. of Las Vegas
October 10, 2018 2:53 am ET

*gruff voice*

Hey vhs it's too hot/gross here
So I quit and I'm taking my rubber
Gloves with me
Haiku #59962, by Nathan of at home watching re-runs of I Love Lucy while eating chicken pot pie
October 10, 2018 2:49 am ET

Genesis 6:6.
My favorite Bible verse.
Perhaps a tattoo.
Haiku #59961, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 11:37 pm ET

Have you not lost faith?
In humanity, not God.
There's no hope for us.
Haiku #59960, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 11:36 pm ET

That's because we're friends
It's like you are the bartender
I drink sparkling water
Haiku #59959, by Starkitten
October 9, 2018 11:19 pm ET

you respond, and i
am not ignored, i respond
i am tempted to

move on but check in
i see another post i
end up posting back
Haiku #59958, by vhs
October 9, 2018 11:14 pm ET

Hula Hula Shake!
Grass skirt caught in lawnmower
It was a close shave
Haiku #59957, by Starkitten of Hawaii
October 9, 2018 9:37 pm ET

I wrap my hamsters
with duct tape so that they do
not explode when fucked.
Haiku #59956, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 9:08 pm ET

You should not complain
about political chat
When vogons are near.
Haiku #59955, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 9:05 pm ET

My enormous cock
will not fit in your small twat;
let's try your asshole.

Feeling romantic
I say to my pet hamsters
bound with gray duct tape.
Haiku #59954, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 9:02 pm ET

shut up about the
fucking politics, whether
screaming democrats

or old lady Rep
yacking about nutcase libs
I am The Doctor

If I must release
the Big Red Box, then you know
how Gallifrey

Ended...
Haiku #59953, by vhs
October 9, 2018 8:20 pm ET

VHS Haiku
Tracked number. Says delivered.
I will keep checking
Haiku #59952, by Anonymous Poet
October 9, 2018 5:44 pm ET

Human Pyramid
Entertainment! Second Ring!
Top clown has the runs!!
Haiku #59951, by Pyramid Scheme of Trickle Down Economics
October 9, 2018 5:18 pm ET

Constipated Clown
Misfortune of the Bowels
The show must go on
Haiku #59950, by Anonymous Poet
October 9, 2018 2:53 pm ET

Most birds don't like us
If you subtract bread crust, seeds
They downright hate us!
Haiku #59949, by Birdwatcher of Pacific Northwest
October 9, 2018 2:42 pm ET

god damn vogons
Haiku #59948, by vhs
October 9, 2018 8:44 am ET

Speaking of feces,
South Park this Wednesday features
Mr. Hankey the

Christmas Poo. Don't miss
it -- it's a new episode.
You smell like flowers!
Haiku #59947, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 3:56 am ET

It would not have sunk
It would certainly have stunk.
Don't sleep with a skunk.
Haiku #59946, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 3:51 am ET

I'm so confused now
Dinosaurs would sink the ark
It gives me the creeps
Haiku #59945, by Confused
October 9, 2018 3:44 am ET

What about poop?
Mentioned in the Bible?
The ark would have sunk
Haiku #59944, by Anonymous Poet
October 9, 2018 3:26 am ET

Diahareaheaia
izin betweeeeen
the sheets.

Diarrhea bomb pop frozen treats for flies on a hot summer's day.
Haiku #59943, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 9, 2018 1:01 am ET

Flatulence is gas
Fecal matter is solid
What is in between?
Haiku #59942, by Science Kid
October 9, 2018 12:00 am ET

Ring bell for service
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
Ding ding ding ding ding
Haiku #59941, by Ding Dong
October 8, 2018 11:58 pm ET

I fought the Devil.
That was a long time ago.
Now we are best friends.

Sometimes he pays me.
It's contract labor, you see.
He buys my poems.

My work's quite famous
down in the fiery pits.
Torturing sinners.
Haiku #59940, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 8, 2018 11:46 pm ET

Wearing pantyhose
Over your head. Sniff sniff sniff
Clear the sinuses
Haiku #59939, by Dr. Oz of At the Landfill tossing my Neti Pot
October 8, 2018 11:18 pm ET

Domestic Dispute
Hot Frying Pan Concussion
Thoughtful wedding gift
Haiku #59938, by Edie Brickell of Drinking in closet
October 8, 2018 11:08 pm ET

Is it the Devil?
How can you tell if it's him
Or a plain demon?
Haiku #59937, by Want to know
October 8, 2018 11:02 pm ET

I shouldn't say this:
Televise the fight on the
Jerry Springer show.
Haiku #59936, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 8, 2018 8:54 pm ET

Just throw poo at them.
Works for me every time.
The in-laws hate me.
Haiku #59935, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 8, 2018 8:52 pm ET

well i got a real
life fight to attend to I'm
not sure if it will

be just spiritual
warfare or something else of
a different sort
Haiku #59934, by vhs
October 8, 2018 7:31 pm ET

I am so so-so
and simultaneously
extraordinary.

Go and ask your mom.
She'll tell you all about it.
Skipping the details.
Haiku #59933, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 8, 2018 7:19 pm ET

Astronomical
homosexuality
regurgitation.
Haiku #59932, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 8, 2018 7:16 pm ET

First we would dry up
The wind would blow us away
Be our Haiku Dad.
Haiku #59931, by Haiku Orphan of Haiku Orphanage
October 8, 2018 5:54 pm ET

gee what happens if
i stop posting poems here
to react to, eh?
Haiku #59930, by vhs
October 8, 2018 5:35 pm ET

Sweet Baby James
Jim Morrison. Diaper Clad.
Petite concho belt
Haiku #59929, by Halloween Costume Advice of Horse's Ass
October 8, 2018 4:22 pm ET

Uber Eats (you out)
Delivering to your door
Hot Cunnilingus
Haiku #59928, by Brett Banjopicker
October 8, 2018 3:55 pm ET

That guy VHS
Writes all the poetry here
Under assumed names
Haiku #59927, by Snopes
October 8, 2018 3:52 pm ET

Bailey's with acid.
Guess I'll call it synthamesc.
Mescaline's too rare.

Oh, wait, this is cool!
I can order it onine!
Fuck yeah! I'll do that!
Haiku #59926, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 8, 2018 3:49 pm ET

Roosters are crowing.
I think I'll rape a chicken.
And force them to watch.

Fuckers wake me up.
Nah, I was already up.
But any excuse.

I was up because,
well, meth does that to a guy.
Cock-a-doodle-doo.
Haiku #59925, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 8, 2018 3:42 pm ET

Halloween costumes.
I'll dress up as a baby.
Depends, whiskey bottle.

I might even cry.
Craving a milky nipple.
Bailey's will do then.
Haiku #59924, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of
October 8, 2018 2:14 pm ET

Your friend Starkitten
S T A U N C H
Like Little Edie
Haiku #59923, by Staunch Character of Grey Gardens
October 8, 2018 1:20 pm ET

Goose Honking Season
Looked up..Pterodactyls!!
Drunk on Jeff Daniels
Haiku #59922, by Dyslexic Alcoholics of Behind Edie Brickell at the liquor store
October 8, 2018 12:33 pm ET

Which does God hate more,
poets, homosexuals,
or Justin Bieber?
Haiku #59921, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 8, 2018 11:57 am ET