BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
9 Days
and
61053 Haikus
later...
Spinach does the trick
Squeeze the can. Gulp Gulp Gulp
Admire my Muskles
Haiku #59910, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest dented cans
October 8, 2018 3:26 am ET

Frosted Haggis Flakes
infernal itching! Fuck wool!
Argyle Sock Condom!
Haiku #59909, by Something Something of Heavering
October 8, 2018 3:22 am ET

Popeye also was
what he was, except when he
wore Olive's dresses.
Haiku #59908, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 8, 2018 3:22 am ET

Plaid Kaleidoscope
Rod Stewart's old tartan spew
Clean out the bagpipe
Haiku #59907, by Starkitten of High road
October 8, 2018 3:16 am ET

Sniffing the chair seats
Just after people get up
A low cost hobby
Haiku #59906, by Frugal Freddy of Movie seats that smell like cheese and feet
October 8, 2018 3:10 am ET

Lying beside you
After the crash.Detached twat
Has covered your face
Haiku #59905, by Anonymous Poet of Sung to Highway Crash Journey song whatever
October 8, 2018 3:01 am ET

I know that you know
That I know you know that I
Know that you know that
Haiku #59904, by Starkitten
October 8, 2018 2:49 am ET

My pet snake teaching
Me some really cool new tricks
Then I throw him down
Haiku #59903, by Ophiuchus
October 8, 2018 1:35 am ET

We played cards instead
Unconsummated marriage
Strip Poker. Go Fish.
Haiku #59902, by Old Maid of Undisclosed Pacfic Northwest Location
October 8, 2018 12:31 am ET

O'dor doo Toilet
Fecal Contamination
Chanel Number 2
Haiku #59901, by Gwynneth Paltrow of Goopwich, CT
October 8, 2018 12:26 am ET

If I wore a bra
Or panties for that matter
I'd fling them on stage
Haiku #59900, by Jonesin for Tom Jones of Who now looks like Robert Plant's evil twin
October 8, 2018 12:17 am ET

Whether I'm right
Or whether I'm wrong
Whether I find a place in this world
Or never belong
I gotta be me
I've got to be me
What else can I be
But what I am?
Haiku #59899, by Tony Clifton, Jr. of Las Vegas
October 7, 2018 11:56 pm ET

Brought up in a barn
And he was hung like a horse.
Meet Bamboo Harvester
Haiku #59898, by Starkitten of Mr. Ed Fan Club
October 7, 2018 10:50 pm ET

Bring me a long rod
Stacked with two dozen doughnuts
That's a midnight snack
Haiku #59897, by Anonymous Poet
October 7, 2018 10:47 pm ET

Thought you'd like to know
All eyebrows are falling out
Whiskerless kitten
Haiku #59896, by Starkitten
October 7, 2018 10:45 pm ET

Pussy farts!
Haiku #59895, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of I just, you know, had to throw that in there.
October 7, 2018 10:44 pm ET

John-boy's mole has souls.
Six point oh two two times 10...
Oh, fuck it, you know.

Enough damned souls to
fill hell to the brimstone gas
root mean square speed fiend.
Haiku #59894, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 10:34 pm ET

Double Cage Fight Time!!
Paul Simon and Daryl Hall
Fight Garfunkel/Oates
Haiku #59893, by Edie Brickell of Had it up to here
October 7, 2018 9:56 pm ET

John Boy Walton's mole
Do you think it has a soul?
Could go either way
Haiku #59892, by John Boy Walton's plantars wart of Foot region
October 7, 2018 9:53 pm ET

Forgotten Mooncake
Now a doorstop. Hey, come in..
See Hairy Sunrise
Haiku #59891, by Starkitten
October 7, 2018 9:27 pm ET

Cleaning my haiku
In front of you..scrub a Doo
Guitar Solo Now!
Haiku #59890, by Yeah, I'm hooked on meth of Method all purpose cleaner
October 7, 2018 9:21 pm ET

Knicky knacky Knew
Gave the whole barnyard a screw
Had a standing O
Haiku #59889, by Ovation.. more than just getting the clap.still washing mud and hoofprints of Even tried to fellate the scarecrow
October 7, 2018 9:14 pm ET

If you were forced to,
which farm animal would you,
you know, do it with?
Haiku #59888, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 8:58 pm ET

Oh, that's some good shit.
Fuck the pigs! Fuck 'em I say!
Meaning cops, not swine.
Haiku #59887, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 8:56 pm ET

Oh, almost forgot.
Need to deliver this meth.
Maybe one more line.
Haiku #59886, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 8:53 pm ET

Mental note: Return.
Scout around for body parts.
For trophy or snack.
Haiku #59885, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 8:52 pm ET

Common occurrence.
Drunk asshole on motor bike.
Hell, I'll drink to that.
Haiku #59884, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 8:50 pm ET

The more dead people,
the more room there is for me.
Multiple car crash.
Haiku #59883, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 8:49 pm ET

Zit pus mirror splat.
Cock throttle chicken choker.
Coffee, meth, whiskey.
Haiku #59882, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of at my uncle Jim Bob's house picking up a delivery.
October 7, 2018 8:47 pm ET

Pink sand, flamingoes
Hammock. Palm fronds..ABBA girls
Wake up VHS!
Haiku #59881, by Starkitten of Gimme Gimme some Bad Haiku
October 7, 2018 5:34 pm ET

Hey man, I just did
a quick search of the tree
And medicinal scones
Haiku #59880, by Starkitten
October 7, 2018 2:42 pm ET

in the name of jesus
cheist would it not be nice
if you would stop extending

your suicide upon
the rest of humanity
by His blood and Grace...

people make choices
good, bad, breakfast...get your ass
into the idea you are part of

Gaia, not a disease!!
Haiku #59879, by vhs
October 7, 2018 10:18 am ET

Jury's will acquit.
Innocent by influence of
horrible poems.
Haiku #59878, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 6:40 am ET

You are innocent.
For all the horrors you do.
Blame my poetry.
Haiku #59877, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 6:38 am ET

Wouldn't it be nice
If the sun blew up the Earth?
Incineration
Haiku #59876, by Have Mercy and kill us all at once
October 7, 2018 2:14 am ET

He pissed bright yellow
Vitamin taxi-cab hue.
House flies on steroids.

Staining the tile.
Like a cathedral window.
Kneel, bow, and pray.

Oooo! An M-&-M!
What was I talking about?
Rolph, hurl, barf, splat.
Haiku #59875, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 11:39 pm ET

Worship the dollar.
Throw dollars at the whores' feet.
Kiss their filthy toes.

Where's enlightenment?
Lighten your load underneath.
Best you can hope for.

Dead President God.
Green paper watermark slut.
Plucked deep from her butt.

Evacuated.
Vacant, empty, and soulless.
Ejaculated.
Haiku #59874, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 11:09 pm ET

Twat waffle whiskey.
Papa Smurf's guilty secret.
Fermented dingles.

Better than shingles.
Stripper's pole disinfectant.
Was he expectant?

Phlegm on dollar bills.
Expect the expectorant.
Rob-DM tripping.

Smurf Berry syrup.
High strength hollow sin again.
Hallow-sin-a-gin.
Haiku #59873, by DARTH FIGPUCKER'S SENTIENT TESTICLES
October 6, 2018 9:55 pm ET

Kitten and Cobain
Both mercury in Pisces
Nineteen sixty seven
Haiku #59872, by Starkitten of Aberdeen slinking around
October 6, 2018 8:56 pm ET

if kurt cobain
was still alive would he have ever
achieved nirvana?
Haiku #59871, by vhs
October 6, 2018 8:14 pm ET

Girl reads newspapers.
And has a novel on hand.
Fuck that is sexy.
Haiku #59870, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 8:09 pm ET

Sister's a Mister
A nun with a big ten inch
Hard habit to break
Haiku #59869, by Anonymous Poet
October 6, 2018 7:58 pm ET

Haiku should not rhyme.
If you do that is a crime.
Disgusting butt slime.
Haiku #59868, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 7:56 pm ET

Drop the bass, Lawrence!
Did you ever look so nice?
A cute angina
Haiku #59867, by Starkitten.. Welking Out of One toke over the line
October 6, 2018 7:55 pm ET

Fuck I've work to do.
So behind and this I do.
Writing bad haiku.
Haiku #59866, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 7:52 pm ET

Former employer
Found hacked apart. Axe murder
Now, dont look at me...
Haiku #59865, by Starkitten
October 6, 2018 7:51 pm ET

50 years from now.
Nursing home stereo blares,
"Fuck the pain away!"

The orderlies laugh.
Old people don't know music.
Never have nor will.
Haiku #59864, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 7:49 pm ET

Young lad, listen here
Commando 24/7
Neigh, No more jockeys!!
Haiku #59863, by Disgruntled Racehorse. of Translation through Starkitten Equine Whisperer
October 6, 2018 7:48 pm ET

Marilyn Manson,
Peaches, Nine Inch Nails, Gwar,
Ghost Pepper Cock Rub.
Haiku #59862, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 7:46 pm ET

If you're commando,
make sure your barn door is closed;
stay out of jail.
Haiku #59861, by Anonymous Poet
October 6, 2018 7:42 pm ET