Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

Lighten up, Mister
We can ring doorbells and run
Shouldn't life be fun?
Haiku # 58795, August 13, 2018 8:21 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
cram so much in a
day to make up for fucking
around when younger
Haiku # 58794, August 13, 2018 9:04 am ET
by vhs of rewind, canna do
Instead of "Hello!"
Try Hitachi Magic Wand
Best Wal⭐️Mart greeter
Haiku # 58793, August 12, 2018 9:07 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
damn it, that only
means i have to get a new one
at wal mart sooner...
Haiku # 58792, August 12, 2018 8:20 pm ET
by vhs of i don't know if they have detatchables in sporting goods...
Don't even bother
They'll only disappoint you
God Damn sea monkeys
Haiku # 58791, August 12, 2018 8:00 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Pardon me, Mister
Your detachable penis
Attached to my heart
Haiku # 58790, August 12, 2018 6:57 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Here's the cold hard truth
He stopped loving her today
Refill Viagra
Haiku # 58789, August 12, 2018 6:50 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
well i wont be rocking
the jukebox on the way to
work this new morning
Haiku # 58788, August 12, 2018 8:46 am ET
by vhs of i wanna hear george jones
"Just punch the jukebox
And I'll be down on my knees."
Thank you, Mrs. C.
Haiku # 58787, August 12, 2018 5:02 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
i wonder if there
is an i do not give a
crap net error code
Haiku # 58786, August 11, 2018 6:20 pm ET
by vhs of error 6.2134-1 computer is apathetic
error 404:
your haiku could not be found
try again later
Haiku # 58785, August 11, 2018 10:39 am ET
by Gary Oak of pallet town
i wish i had time
to post more here but a quick
hi is all to say
Haiku # 58784, August 10, 2018 8:40 am ET
by vhs
dont tell me youre an
octopus herr pigfucker
monster girls! damn it!
Haiku # 58783, August 9, 2018 11:02 pm ET
by vhs
Oh, Christ, vhs... tell me you're not a fan of cephalopod porn. I guess that would explain a lot. ;-)
Haiku # 58782, August 9, 2018 10:51 pm ET
by
How the hell do you know what there is and is not?
Telepathic psychopathic telescopic entropic tropical banana daiquiri sipping arachnids.
I will be eating some of them soon I think.
Off to the land of bug eaters. Human aardvarks. Haardvarks. They want to sell you enlightenment, but it's really just a plastic toy made in China with a one day life span that will have you cursing the little slant-eyed industrious fuckers.
Which endangered species would you like for dinner tonight, sir?

--Darth FigPucker
Haiku # 58781, August 9, 2018 10:47 pm ET
by
aw...you gotta know
me loves monstergirls...ya know
a spider brider?

dang
Haiku # 58780, August 9, 2018 8:47 am ET
by vhs of tentacles and protestants
When life gets difficult just remember
It could always be worse
At least there are no telepathic spiders
Right?
Haiku # 58779, August 9, 2018 2:25 am ET
by MONARCH
weve had so many
wars to fill the coffers of
a few, one percent?
Haiku # 58778, August 8, 2018 11:25 pm ET
by vhs
I like the way Firefox allows you to grab the corner of the text box and make it as big as you'd like. Too bad I can't do that with my penis.

We need a good war to fight in. Put some meaning back in life.
Haiku # 58777, August 7, 2018 6:23 pm ET
by
some people tried
to remake the world in their
own image, it did

not care a lick
Haiku # 58776, August 7, 2018 5:25 pm ET
by vhs
i missed toking you
off or myself off...I had
a king missle, see...

yer a lot of fun oh my brother
Haiku # 58775, August 7, 2018 1:18 pm ET
by vhs of detachable penis
What's the problem now?
It cannot be all that bad.
Did your penis fall off, after all?

I poked a hole in Riemann's sphere.
Don't ask what I did with it.
Haiku # 58774, August 7, 2018 4:14 am ET
by
Ed was stoned out of his fucking gourd on at least 4 different substances and absinthe and driving 90 mph in his brand new green Lambo, and the crazy fucker starts seeing Pokemon, except he's not playing Pokemon Go, he cuts through a field knocking down a fence, doing at least $10K damage to his new Lambo, chasing some made up Japanese cockfighting cartoon piece of shit that only he can see, and he's headed right for the grandfather of all oak trees, but at least for the moment he wasn't droning on and on about dead Lenore. So I'm shitting my pants and scream, "Poe, a tree!"

Get it... Poe a tree.... poetry. Bada boom!
Haiku # 58773, August 6, 2018 9:17 am ET
by
Repugnant poontang.
Monkeys raped the mental ward.
The stench made him hard.
Haiku # 58772, August 6, 2018 9:11 am ET
by The Ghost of Edgar Alen Poet. of
more the net connect
More the dis connect turn off
drop out, fresh air...ticks....
Haiku # 58771, August 6, 2018 8:58 am ET
by vhs of always a catch 22
i know, i heard that
star trek was played on college
mainframes way back when
Haiku # 58770, August 4, 2018 10:57 pm ET
by vhs
Theoretically
One could have gotten online
In the 70's
Haiku # 58769, August 4, 2018 10:43 pm ET
by MONARCH
sea monkeys are not
sea monkeys but i didnt know
id be writing poems

with a sociopathic
mathematician as one of the
grahams numbers here
Haiku # 58768, August 4, 2018 9:10 am ET
by vhs of n64?
after we dial things up
a bit here, a busy tone
was heard in my mind
Haiku # 58767, August 4, 2018 9:08 am ET
by vhs
What did the monkey say after he farted?
Haiku # 58766, August 3, 2018 11:13 pm ET
by
I once got my penis caught in a rotary phone, but it wasn't too bad, it just pinched the skin a little bit and it was easy to get out, but it's kind of startling and unsettling to have your penis caught on something and you can get it back and then you get married and have kids and you find yourself like that all the time and find yourself wishing for the days when getting your penis caught in the dial of a rotary phone back in the days when sex-talk 1-800 numbers were just getting started and you borrowed your mom's credit card to see what it was all about and find yourself hugely disappointed like when you first bought sea-monkeys or x-ray glasses and those were made by the same scam artist. I bet you didn't know that.
Haiku # 58765, August 3, 2018 11:12 pm ET
by
now if you can have
a discussion about rotary
phones then we can talk
Haiku # 58764, August 3, 2018 7:30 pm ET
by vhs
I bought one of those new fangled calculators that have the cell phone numbers of all the local deities stored in them, but it cannot tell me what the word fangled means. I don't think it has anything to do with werewolves or vampires. I knew a guy that said he was a vampire and he liked to wear edible candy underwear even though he was single.
Haiku # 58763, August 3, 2018 10:44 am ET
by
What did the monkey say after he farted?
Haiku # 58762, August 3, 2018 3:45 am ET
by
charles bukowski is
putting his hands on his head
right at this moment
Haiku # 58761, August 2, 2018 7:06 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet of love is not a haiku from hell
Testicular fortitude
fortress of solitude
sand castles and sea monkeys
picking sea lice off each other
and the sand crabs that your girlfriend caught
for you to eat out at a fancy no-pant restaurant
with her aunt and uncle and Simon and Garfunkel
Funk and Wagnalls wagging funky counter private parts
at Webster's grandma who thinks it's funny anyway.

What did the monkey say after he farted?
Haiku # 58760, August 2, 2018 9:59 am ET
by
At the dinner table say:
"Could you please pass the gas."
And see what people do.
Haiku # 58759, August 2, 2018 9:54 am ET
by
You can't go mad if you are already there.
Haiku # 58758, August 2, 2018 7:54 am ET
by
the thing about say
wonderland is they'd go mad
wondering why I

am there
Haiku # 58757, August 1, 2018 7:49 pm ET
by vhs
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'
Haiku # 58756, August 1, 2018 8:28 am ET
by
peace vs pieces, you
cannot reason with madness
only try to cure...
Haiku # 58755, August 1, 2018 7:08 am ET
by vhs
Dying's not so bad.
Hippies do it all the time.
Tie-dye... badda boom.
Haiku # 58754, August 1, 2018 2:18 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
if you want to place
others to the sword be quite
prepared to die by

it too
Haiku # 58753, July 31, 2018 5:16 pm ET
by vhs
now the "people" are
polarized and the worries
are quite civil...war
Haiku # 58752, July 31, 2018 1:31 pm ET
by vhs
we may have more sane
and concrete enemies than
the fowl beasts of earth...
Haiku # 58751, July 30, 2018 6:09 pm ET
by vhs of trust but verify
Oh my God, the chickens got out!
When they learn to put knives on their own spur claw without humans doing it to them, is the day the human race will meet its doom. They will slit our throats in unison and KFCs will be burnt to the ground. I've been trying to train them not to attack each other, but to go after the life-like human dummies in the training yard. Go for the jugular. They love me though. They will never turn on me. Don't worry.
Haiku # 58750, July 30, 2018 12:33 am ET
by
i brought out my dark
side to play with for a while
hes in the closet
Haiku # 58749, July 29, 2018 11:35 pm ET
by vha
outgrowing the dead
prisons of life that distract
like dive bars of life
Haiku # 58748, July 29, 2018 11:21 pm ET
by vhs
some people make the
petty things in life more a deal
than they should be
Haiku # 58747, July 29, 2018 5:59 pm ET
by vhs
perverts, extroverts
introverts, ambiverts, and
vodka martinis
Haiku # 58746, July 29, 2018 9:05 am ET
by vhs of shaken, not stirred
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