BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
31 Days
and
61273 Haikus
later...
How the hell do you know what there is and is not?
Telepathic psychopathic telescopic entropic tropical banana daiquiri sipping arachnids.
I will be eating some of them soon I think.
Off to the land of bug eaters. Human aardvarks. Haardvarks. They want to sell you enlightenment, but it's really just a plastic toy made in China with a one day life span that will have you cursing the little slant-eyed industrious fuckers.
Which endangered species would you like for dinner tonight, sir?

--Darth FigPucker
Haiku #58781, by
August 9, 2018 10:47 pm ET

aw...you gotta know
me loves monstergirls...ya know
a spider brider?

dang
Haiku #58780, by vhs of tentacles and protestants
August 9, 2018 8:47 am ET

When life gets difficult just remember
It could always be worse
At least there are no telepathic spiders
Right?
Haiku #58779, by MONARCH
August 9, 2018 2:25 am ET

weve had so many
wars to fill the coffers of
a few, one percent?
Haiku #58778, by vhs
August 8, 2018 11:25 pm ET

I like the way Firefox allows you to grab the corner of the text box and make it as big as you'd like. Too bad I can't do that with my penis.

We need a good war to fight in. Put some meaning back in life.
Haiku #58777, by
August 7, 2018 6:23 pm ET

some people tried
to remake the world in their
own image, it did

not care a lick
Haiku #58776, by vhs
August 7, 2018 5:25 pm ET

i missed toking you
off or myself off...I had
a king missle, see...

yer a lot of fun oh my brother
Haiku #58775, by vhs of detachable penis
August 7, 2018 1:18 pm ET

What's the problem now?
It cannot be all that bad.
Did your penis fall off, after all?

I poked a hole in Riemann's sphere.
Don't ask what I did with it.
Haiku #58774, by
August 7, 2018 4:14 am ET

Ed was stoned out of his fucking gourd on at least 4 different substances and absinthe and driving 90 mph in his brand new green Lambo, and the crazy fucker starts seeing Pokemon, except he's not playing Pokemon Go, he cuts through a field knocking down a fence, doing at least $10K damage to his new Lambo, chasing some made up Japanese cockfighting cartoon piece of shit that only he can see, and he's headed right for the grandfather of all oak trees, but at least for the moment he wasn't droning on and on about dead Lenore. So I'm shitting my pants and scream, "Poe, a tree!"

Get it... Poe a tree.... poetry. Bada boom!
Haiku #58773, by
August 6, 2018 9:17 am ET

Repugnant poontang.
Monkeys raped the mental ward.
The stench made him hard.
Haiku #58772, by The Ghost of Edgar Alen Poet. of
August 6, 2018 9:11 am ET

more the net connect
More the dis connect turn off
drop out, fresh air...ticks....
Haiku #58771, by vhs of always a catch 22
August 6, 2018 8:58 am ET

i know, i heard that
star trek was played on college
mainframes way back when
Haiku #58770, by vhs
August 4, 2018 10:57 pm ET

Theoretically
One could have gotten online
In the 70's
Haiku #58769, by MONARCH
August 4, 2018 10:43 pm ET

sea monkeys are not
sea monkeys but i didnt know
id be writing poems

with a sociopathic
mathematician as one of the
grahams numbers here
Haiku #58768, by vhs of n64?
August 4, 2018 9:10 am ET

after we dial things up
a bit here, a busy tone
was heard in my mind
Haiku #58767, by vhs
August 4, 2018 9:08 am ET

What did the monkey say after he farted?
Haiku #58766, by
August 3, 2018 11:13 pm ET

I once got my penis caught in a rotary phone, but it wasn't too bad, it just pinched the skin a little bit and it was easy to get out, but it's kind of startling and unsettling to have your penis caught on something and you can get it back and then you get married and have kids and you find yourself like that all the time and find yourself wishing for the days when getting your penis caught in the dial of a rotary phone back in the days when sex-talk 1-800 numbers were just getting started and you borrowed your mom's credit card to see what it was all about and find yourself hugely disappointed like when you first bought sea-monkeys or x-ray glasses and those were made by the same scam artist. I bet you didn't know that.
Haiku #58765, by
August 3, 2018 11:12 pm ET

now if you can have
a discussion about rotary
phones then we can talk
Haiku #58764, by vhs
August 3, 2018 7:30 pm ET

I bought one of those new fangled calculators that have the cell phone numbers of all the local deities stored in them, but it cannot tell me what the word fangled means. I don't think it has anything to do with werewolves or vampires. I knew a guy that said he was a vampire and he liked to wear edible candy underwear even though he was single.
Haiku #58763, by
August 3, 2018 10:44 am ET

What did the monkey say after he farted?
Haiku #58762, by
August 3, 2018 3:45 am ET

charles bukowski is
putting his hands on his head
right at this moment
Haiku #58761, by Anonymous Poet of love is not a haiku from hell
August 2, 2018 7:06 pm ET

Testicular fortitude
fortress of solitude
sand castles and sea monkeys
picking sea lice off each other
and the sand crabs that your girlfriend caught
for you to eat out at a fancy no-pant restaurant
with her aunt and uncle and Simon and Garfunkel
Funk and Wagnalls wagging funky counter private parts
at Webster's grandma who thinks it's funny anyway.

What did the monkey say after he farted?
Haiku #58760, by
August 2, 2018 9:59 am ET

At the dinner table say:
"Could you please pass the gas."
And see what people do.
Haiku #58759, by
August 2, 2018 9:54 am ET

You can't go mad if you are already there.
Haiku #58758, by
August 2, 2018 7:54 am ET

the thing about say
wonderland is they'd go mad
wondering why I

am there
Haiku #58757, by vhs
August 1, 2018 7:49 pm ET

'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'
Haiku #58756, by
August 1, 2018 8:28 am ET

peace vs pieces, you
cannot reason with madness
only try to cure...
Haiku #58755, by vhs
August 1, 2018 7:08 am ET

Dying's not so bad.
Hippies do it all the time.
Tie-dye... badda boom.
Haiku #58754, by Anonymous Poet
August 1, 2018 2:18 am ET

if you want to place
others to the sword be quite
prepared to die by

it too
Haiku #58753, by vhs
July 31, 2018 5:16 pm ET

now the "people" are
polarized and the worries
are quite civil...war
Haiku #58752, by vhs
July 31, 2018 1:31 pm ET

we may have more sane
and concrete enemies than
the fowl beasts of earth...
Haiku #58751, by vhs of trust but verify
July 30, 2018 6:09 pm ET

Oh my God, the chickens got out!
When they learn to put knives on their own spur claw without humans doing it to them, is the day the human race will meet its doom. They will slit our throats in unison and KFCs will be burnt to the ground. I've been trying to train them not to attack each other, but to go after the life-like human dummies in the training yard. Go for the jugular. They love me though. They will never turn on me. Don't worry.
Haiku #58750, by
July 30, 2018 12:33 am ET

i brought out my dark
side to play with for a while
hes in the closet
Haiku #58749, by vha
July 29, 2018 11:35 pm ET

outgrowing the dead
prisons of life that distract
like dive bars of life
Haiku #58748, by vhs
July 29, 2018 11:21 pm ET

some people make the
petty things in life more a deal
than they should be
Haiku #58747, by vhs
July 29, 2018 5:59 pm ET

perverts, extroverts
introverts, ambiverts, and
vodka martinis
Haiku #58746, by vhs of shaken, not stirred
July 29, 2018 9:05 am ET

the internet was
a lonely place at the start
and can be these times...
Haiku #58745, by vhs of 404 unlinked
July 28, 2018 7:47 pm ET

one day all these posts
will just be here, staying here
who or what reads them?
Haiku #58744, by vhs
July 27, 2018 7:37 pm ET

what kind of haiku
are made in china, sold say
by a wal mart store?
Haiku #58743, by vhs of rollback on haiku, dozen for 89 cents
July 26, 2018 7:50 pm ET

buddha decided
to drop in on china to
put some ideas taown
Haiku #58742, by vhs
July 26, 2018 8:59 am ET

free vbucks
Haiku #58741, by Anonymous Poet
July 25, 2018 7:32 pm ET

haikus are from ja
pan and they are like poems
they are from japan
Haiku #58740, by kynape of china
July 25, 2018 7:15 pm ET

if i can come to
understand another word
my mind alters so
Haiku #58739, by vhs
July 25, 2018 8:52 am ET

Jeg ser på som to
Trær vokser inn i himmelen
Og de blir et tre
Haiku #58738, by MONARCH of Amerika
July 25, 2018 1:28 am ET

i didnt need drugs
i had saturday morning cartoons
and plumbers that got
bigger when they ate mushrooms...

go ask alice when she is 10 feet tall
Haiku #58737, by vhs
July 24, 2018 5:35 pm ET

Nothing shocks me now.
Unless I put my finger
in the light socket.

I actually like getting shocked, as strange as that sounds. The buzzing, tingling, teeth clenching like tripping on acid for two seconds until you let go and the clan just killed two pigs and a goat for the big fiesta and I'm going to eat some mushrooms and be as obnoxious as possible and hit on my wife's friends and cousins when she's not looking and I'll just blame the drugs, although it's not really the drugs b/c it's preplanned and if you never sin then Jesus died for nothing so it's okay. Have you ever skateboarded on shrooms? No, I guess you never have nor will and I understand. Not everyone climbs mountains and talks to shimmering bushes and does what the bushes tell them to do but they should. I mean, it's that or the fucking TV! Take your pick.
When my children are enraptured with Youtube video game commentaries, I chase them out of the house and tell them to go steal something, do drugs, or throw rocks at old people. One of these days they will listen!
Haiku #58736, by df
July 24, 2018 12:03 pm ET

how much is shocking
when shocking is not shocking
i find that shocking
Haiku #58735, by vhs
July 23, 2018 8:37 am ET

Food porn toots my horn.
You want it but can't have it.
Unless you are rich.
Haiku #58734, by Fuck Donald Trump
July 23, 2018 4:59 am ET

i heard a lot of
talk about nibiru from
conspiracy nuts
Haiku #58733, by vhs
July 22, 2018 9:26 pm ET

some folks younger than
me work circles around me
i bug the bb
generation, there's hope
and theres steely dan
Haiku #58732, by vhs of steely dan was a diledoe, from yokohama three
July 22, 2018 8:49 am ET