BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
28 Days
and
61249 Haikus
later...
My cheating clients
can't even copy the math
on tests correctly.

I send them answers
and they put down gibberish.
I'm sure teachers laugh.
Haiku #58402, by df
April 13, 2018 6:35 pm ET

Can I cook my wife
and sell her in the market
as barbecue pork?
Haiku #58401, by df
April 13, 2018 6:27 pm ET

You should not complain.
Where I live its the tourists
that do the biting.

The bugs also bite.
But I'm not sure which is worse.
Tourists carry AIDS.
Haiku #58400, by df
April 13, 2018 6:22 pm ET

it's a sign springtime
has finally shown up,bugs
that bite and tourists
Haiku #58399, by vhs
April 13, 2018 12:26 pm ET

I know it's wrong but
I park my scabby boogers
on my neighbor's door.
Haiku #58398, by df
April 13, 2018 10:49 am ET

I hate mosquitoes
more than the Jews hate Hitler.
I am not joking.
Haiku #58397, by df
April 13, 2018 10:45 am ET

Joke with the surgeon
about balloon animals.
He will then twist one.
Haiku #58396, by df
April 13, 2018 10:43 am ET

You know that you're old
when your nostril hairs are white
and often fall out.
Haiku #58395, by df
April 13, 2018 10:40 am ET

Joke with the balloon
animal twister about
penile implants.
Haiku #58394, by df
April 13, 2018 10:37 am ET

What Sydney is this?
Has she done any nude scenes?
Well, if not, she should.
Haiku #58393, by df
April 13, 2018 10:33 am ET

To take ten doses
or spend all day on Farcebook.
Acid is better.

And better for you.
The damage is less severe.
You might learn something.
Haiku #58392, by df
April 13, 2018 10:31 am ET

so irritating
sydney is hot and smoky
like a leafy spliff
Haiku #58391, by ash
April 13, 2018 10:31 am ET

I'd rather have a
bottle in front of me than
waste time on Farcebook.

But then we all know
Farcebook is lobotomy.
Yet done without knives.
Haiku #58390, by df
April 13, 2018 10:29 am ET

We are doomed to fail.
All cancer murders its host.
It's all about greed.
Haiku #58389, by df
April 13, 2018 10:26 am ET

She sits on the bench
furiously scribbling
her putrid dull verse.
Haiku #58388, by df
April 13, 2018 10:24 am ET

well as usual
im stumped...ill watch fawlty
towers tomorrow

on vhs ;)
Haiku #58387, by vhs
April 12, 2018 11:12 pm ET

Do giraffes give head?
Would one blow a blue whale?
Think of this at church.
Haiku #58386, by df of correct spelling this time
April 12, 2018 2:33 pm ET

Have you ever seen
the youtube vid where chimps rape
frogs -- they know something.
Haiku #58385, by df
April 12, 2018 2:32 pm ET

Do giraffes give head?
Would one blow a blue whale?
This of this at church.
Haiku #58384, by df
April 12, 2018 2:28 pm ET

Which is more boring,
calculus or bad haiku?
They both use numbers.
Haiku #58383, by df
April 12, 2018 2:24 pm ET

Frogs do not want me.
On my wife's that depraved.
I'd rather do frogs.
Haiku #58382, by df
April 12, 2018 2:20 pm ET

Too much hot pepper
on my parmesan pizza.
Regrets in the end.
Haiku #58381, by df
April 12, 2018 2:18 pm ET

the norm used to be
people didn't have access
to what kind of cheese

you liked on your burger
now it is on the wiki
page to all be seen
Haiku #58380, by Anonymous Poet
April 12, 2018 12:54 pm ET

would you let a frog
have sex with you then , ever
seen hell comes to frogtown?

rowdy roddy piper...
Haiku #58379, by vhs
April 12, 2018 10:31 am ET

Frogs have more talent
than karaoke singers
and are sexier.
Haiku #58378, by df
April 12, 2018 9:26 am ET

Whose head?
What is "it"?
Hawking time
T=iT
Preparing for female anatomy joke
Haiku #58377, by Anonymous Poet
April 12, 2018 6:18 am ET

i thought this was it
now that times are coming to
a head...this is it
Haiku #58376, by vhs
April 12, 2018 12:52 am ET

HEY FUCKFACE
i'll have one hotdog, please
Haiku #58375, by Anonymous Poet of The Wiener's Circle
April 11, 2018 7:56 am ET

"The Wieners Circle is a hot dog stand on Clark Street in the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago, Illinois, United States. It is known for its Maxwell Street Polish, Char-dogs, hamburgers, cheese fries, and the mutual verbal abuse between the employees and the customers during the late-weekend hours"
Haiku #58374, by Anonymous Poet
April 11, 2018 5:21 am ET

meh we all have a
controversial bad guy each
era...then folks get

that person confronted
Haiku #58373, by vhs
April 10, 2018 4:50 pm ET

they are now setting
up the stake for Zuckerberg
facebook the music
Haiku #58372, by vhs
April 10, 2018 4:13 pm ET

problem is like a
certain barbarella
how many sex robots

would i break in the
process of being down with
the sex robot gals
Haiku #58371, by vhs
April 10, 2018 12:26 pm ET

Sexworkers (synthetic and organic) Birth control, homosexuality
Disruption of the reproductive cycle
More for me down the road
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Haiku #58370, by Optimistic Realist of that strange mystical place known as acceptance of circumstamces
April 10, 2018 11:33 am ET

One man's drug is just
Other man's technology
Cyborgs be cyborgs
Haiku #58369, by Cyborg
April 10, 2018 11:25 am ET

ive always wanted a
good absinthe party..im not
keen on hard drugs here...

my mind is too damn
weird, but i say its your deal, go
for it, let me be

im already within..

i tend to think introverts already
have a sort of connection within
you might say
Haiku #58368, by vhs
April 10, 2018 10:37 am ET

Breakdown of sensation of LSD:
1 hour in: "this isn't that weird"
2 hours in: "alright this is kinda weird"
? hours in: "there is a swarm of nanobots crawling around on my neural DNA, and it weirds me out that I can actually feel that"
It mechanically alters DNA structure
Haiku #58367, by Luke Whystalker of The Death Star (it was an inside job)
April 10, 2018 5:33 am ET

Another story, from Jackie Gleason's wife: supposedly Nixon and Gleason were drinking - Nixon was a lightweight
Gleason asked him if aliens were real
So Nixon was like "come on ima show you somethin," took him to a base
Showed him aliens and alien tech
Drunk Nixon showing off some aliens
Haiku #58366, by dvd of area 52
April 10, 2018 5:28 am ET

Grace Slick allegedly tried to dose
Nixon with LSD in his coffee
I honestly got a massive crush on her after I read that
She would have either saved the world
Or doomed it to annihilation
Nixon on LSD
Could have gone either way, really
Haiku #58365, by dvd
April 10, 2018 5:24 am ET

I would like to dose
all the politicians and
police where I live.
Haiku #58364, by
April 9, 2018 9:38 pm ET

Ever try Absinthe?
I mean, I like it and all,
but it's not acid.
Haiku #58363, by df
April 9, 2018 9:37 pm ET

I put a shot of
amaretto in my cup
of coffee today.
Haiku #58362, by
April 9, 2018 9:34 pm ET

i will surely and
quite approve the gesture herr
pigfucker...for sure
Haiku #58361, by vhs of dangling chads???
April 9, 2018 9:34 pm ET

I want Zucherberg
to see my dangling privates
so he has nightmares.
Haiku #58360, by
April 9, 2018 9:33 pm ET

i wonder what a scrpio is
Haiku #58359, by vhs
April 9, 2018 8:25 pm ET

it takes three you know
whats weird is i wonder if
anyone has a mark

zuckerberg peeping tom
fetish...would the boy worry
of his own private...

parts
Haiku #58358, by that evil scprio vhs of mark is a taurus...not an exciting one like carlin
April 9, 2018 8:25 pm ET

um say hi to the
ladies who sell the classic books
they make the world go

round in 80 days
Haiku #58357, by vhs of on vacation with madame bovary
April 9, 2018 8:22 pm ET

I often joke about eating babies of poor people.
Not Satanic or anything, just, you know, because they look so juicy.
Fat little junk food bellies and rotting teeth.
And it would help the current population problem.
Hail Satan!... oops, it just slipped out, like a fart.

I like the shutdown captcha. Easy!
Haiku #58356, by df
April 9, 2018 6:48 pm ET

Also there's a song on YouTube
Called "Donald Trump's speeches as an early 2000's emo song" is pretty funny
Almost as funny as the Alex Jones one
Haiku #58355, by Anonymous Poet
April 9, 2018 3:32 pm ET

That last one is for vhs
Haiku #58354, by Anonymous Poet
April 9, 2018 3:25 pm ET

I'm angry
I've had enough of these people
They're a bunch of Christian-murdering scum that run giant death factories
Keeping babies alive and selling their body parts
What more do you need to know about these people?
I go out and face these scum
They literally crawl out from under rocks
They have green-looking skin
And they run around screaming "We love Satan, we want to eat babies."
I have them on video

Hillary is into creepy, weird, sick stuff, man
She sleeps in the same room with that creepy weirdo woman whose mother wears a hood over her head. (What the hell?)
That woman, number one, is ugly
Imagine how bad she smells, man
I'm told her and Obama just stink
Obama and Hillary both smell like sulfur

Literal vampire potbelly goblins
Are hobbling around coming after us
My spirit gets close to that evil and I feel it go
Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh!

We're such self-centered crap
We don't even notice Hell itself rising up against us
Millions are pouring in people, of the very worst type
And I'm so pissed

We're gonna stab your daughter at the mall
Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh!
We're going to stab your wife, your son
Ooooooooooooh!
We're gonna stab you with a butcher knife
And then the Police Chief is gonna say
"We love our Somalis, we love our Muslims
Oh they're so good, oh they're so sweet."
Haiku #58353, by Alex Jones of Infowars
April 9, 2018 3:25 pm ET