BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
21 Years
159 Days
and
58479 Haikus
later...
Playing sudoku made me bored so I thought I'd write a haiku, but it was too difficult to count the syllables, so I gave up, drank a beer, took a shit and a nap, in that order, so I wouldn't shit the bed, woke up and didn't care about anything.
So I got fucked up on too much cappuccino, read a book, and masturbated pretending that I was Abraham Lincoln waging war against the Japanese, capturing the women and forcing them to write haiku about how awesome I am.
The book store people didn't appreciate that until I grabbed some random book off the book shelf and told them I was here for my book signing. They gave me a large nice pen and three bikini babes and a hotel room after, just like on WWF or MMA or Nascar or something.
I'll do that more often.
Haiku #57823, by Anonymous Poet
December 23, 2017 12:01 am ET

Mostly theremin
And Japanese people
Chanting "Godzilla"
Haiku #57822, by Bad Haiku (the band) of my imagination
December 22, 2017 7:42 pm ET

The Naughty Haiku
That's a good name for a band
That plays weird music
Haiku #57821, by Adorable Kittens
December 22, 2017 6:22 pm ET

well if there's bad and
i mean bad haiku what of
the naughty haiku?
Haiku #57820, by vhs
December 22, 2017 1:48 pm ET

I went to go pee,
but the door said "gentlemen".
So I went outside.
Haiku #57819, by Anonymous Poet
December 22, 2017 8:15 am ET

All new Hasbro
Action figure manger scene.
Kung fu grip Joseph.
Haiku #57818, by Anonymous Poet
December 22, 2017 8:14 am ET

Silicone boob jobs
look absolutely stupid,
like big silly cones.
Haiku #57817, by Anonymous Poet
December 22, 2017 8:12 am ET

I won't lie but I
Tell truths unbelievable
To my enemies
Haiku #57816, by Adam Ben Adam
December 21, 2017 11:21 pm ET

Evil tobacco
You are a bad thing for me
Hop you go away
Haiku #57815, by Anonymous Poet
December 21, 2017 11:21 pm ET

Yet
Haiku #57814, by Adam Ben Adam
December 21, 2017 6:33 pm ET

That clay pot is smashed
And my family's broken
I'm not a healer
Haiku #57813, by Adam Ben Adam
December 21, 2017 6:33 pm ET

Some sign contracts
With the devil, I work for the other guy
And I'm going to sign on the dotted line
Haiku #57812, by Adam Ben Adam
December 21, 2017 1:09 pm ET

It's the end of time
Has been for quite a while now
Nothing stays the same
Haiku #57811, by dvd
December 21, 2017 1:07 pm ET

saracatic jokes will
be with humanity till
tne end of the world

because of the end of the world
Haiku #57810, by vhs
December 21, 2017 12:07 pm ET

screw you guys..im going
home
Haiku #57809, by cartman
December 21, 2017 10:03 am ET

Freehold Retorno
Is the captcha phrase for this
A perfect first line
Haiku #57808, by Adorable Kittens
December 21, 2017 1:14 am ET

You've got to watch out
If you go to Canada
Scott is such a dick!
Haiku #57807, by Kyle Broflovski of South Park, CO
December 20, 2017 4:44 pm ET

Mr Hankey saves!
Praise him and sing Howdy Ho!
You smell like flowers.
Haiku #57806, by Anonymous Poet
December 19, 2017 4:41 pm ET

no comprende
Haiku #57805, by vhs
December 19, 2017 12:27 pm ET

Mal Hacienda
Yo no deseo taco
Americano
Haiku #57804, by Anonymous Poet
December 19, 2017 1:01 am ET

the cloudless blue sky
yet another year rolls by
and still, here am i
Haiku #57803, by ash
December 18, 2017 8:32 pm ET

hmm mutually assured
destruction through haiku, how
old fashioned i say
Haiku #57802, by vhs
December 18, 2017 8:28 am ET

Hey, move your foot please
or I could just chop it off.
Either way is fine
Haiku #57801, by Acts Murderer
December 17, 2017 11:06 pm ET

it is easy to get
ensnared when one is not
paying attention

to other things than the
snare The Obstacle is the way
Ryan Holiday
Haiku #57800, by vhs
December 17, 2017 2:12 pm ET

ah tricksters play a
hero role sometimes, bilbo
was one but then he

was the HERO
Haiku #57799, by vhs
December 17, 2017 1:57 pm ET

Tangled web he weaves
He only knows to deceive
Not much to believe
Haiku #57798, by Anonymous Poet
December 17, 2017 11:39 am ET

Pregnant wilderness
Sunlight shines down trough leaves
Chipmunk humps pinecone
Haiku #57797, by Super Ate
December 17, 2017 1:07 am ET

Bumper car electrocution.
Ferris wheel ejector seat.
Complementary popcorn.
Haiku #57796, by Anonymous Poet
December 16, 2017 10:15 pm ET

Gay marsupial.
Cancerous humping jackal.
Three less-than-wise men.
Haiku #57795, by Bernie Sander's Middle Testicle
December 16, 2017 10:11 pm ET

I would give my left
Testicle for free healthcare
And education
Haiku #57794, by Bernie Sanders' right testicle
December 16, 2017 6:34 pm ET

Suicide is good.
Then there are less sad people.
Donald Trump said that.
Haiku #57793, by Bernie Sanders' left testicle
December 16, 2017 12:56 pm ET

we do best when we
are at our most natural
when these folks in say

college are all
drugs, suicide and angry
it's the 1990s

not my time yet
Haiku #57792, by vhs
December 16, 2017 11:35 am ET

I told my roommate the candy
He had in the freezer was amazing...
He said you owe me sixty dollars
Haiku #57791, by Anonymous Poet
December 16, 2017 2:37 am ET

I've done PCP
Twice - it was by accident
So it doesn't count
Haiku #57790, by Anonymous Poet
December 16, 2017 2:33 am ET

There is no justice
We know the world is not fair
The lies they tell kids
Haiku #57789, by Adorable Kittens
December 16, 2017 2:08 am ET

oh and to think i
want a green symbiont headed
female mage in my life

where is the justice in not
being able to have that happen
Haiku #57788, by vhs
December 15, 2017 11:33 am ET

Emotional intelligence > IQ
Case in point: Donald Trump's
Entire life and career
Trump DF 2020
Haiku #57787, by dvd
December 14, 2017 4:43 pm ET

In three thousand years philosophy still hasn't got beyond the "if it's in the mind, then it must be real" phase.
South Park did a mini-series on that called Imaginationland.
I'll save you the suspense. Kyle sucks Cartman's balls. In Imaginationland.
So that means I've fucked more hot babes than Hugh Hefner. And I just shagged my cute little secretary all night long while my fat wife was tied up and forced to watch.
But now Hef's magazine is including transgender "women" and I only wish my car was a Transformer so I could destroy a few military installations and wipe out all large population centers and save the earth. Because it's mine anyway.
All I want for Christmas is these fucking parasites off my planet. Is that too much to ask, Jesus Claus? Is it?!
Happy Kwanzaa!.... or something.

Vaping is gay. That much is real.
Haiku #57786, by Anonymous Poet
December 14, 2017 4:13 pm ET

one will read what one
reads, free will is the way of
all in the world now
Haiku #57785, by vhs
December 14, 2017 1:13 pm ET

I had a dream I was talking to a dog
His English wasn't very good
I was just impressed he understood
Haiku #57784, by dvd
December 14, 2017 12:44 pm ET

How much should one read?
Almost seems like a lost art.
Most prefer pictures.
Haiku #57783, by Adorable Kittens
December 14, 2017 1:12 am ET

I have a big poop
His name is Shittin
I'll never trust him as a sandwich
Haiku #57782, by Atlas Pooped
December 13, 2017 5:51 pm ET

I have a big snake
His name is Satan
I'll never trust him as a necklace
Haiku #57781, by Adam Ben Adam
December 13, 2017 2:06 pm ET

If there are only physical phenomena
There is no mind, in which case
This isn't happening
Haiku #57780, by Drowsy Philosopher
December 13, 2017 12:49 pm ET

potus sounds
like a marvel villian name likr
modoc or...zorgo

baron mordo, doctor doom
Haiku #57779, by vhs
December 13, 2017 9:22 am ET

Chester Cheeto still has no comment about the misuse of his product in often describing the hair and mutant-like discoloration of the current POTUS.
Does the artificial coloring have anything to do with the speed of the cheetah cat that has spent untold weeks soaking in vats of the strange chemical. Can it also be used for mind control and is that the current state of world politics? It seems we won't know until it's too late.
Orange colored matzoh crackers this Chanukkah seem to have snuck their way into Jewish holiday meals.
I'd like to smoke some orange opium out of a large hookah this year. Chanhookkah.
There is no sin. It's only in your mind. It's what they sell you.

Vegetable oil (corn, canola, and/or sunflower) Cheese seasoning (whey, cheddar cheese [milk, cheese cultures, salt, enzymes], canola oil, maltodextrin [made from corn], salt, whey protein concentrate, monosodium glutamate, natural and artificial flavors, lactic acid, citric acid, artificial color [yellow 6]) Salt.
Haiku #57778, by Yellow 6 is Soylent Green
December 13, 2017 2:47 am ET

Jesus died?!
Haiku #57777, by Confused Muslim
December 13, 2017 2:16 am ET

Circular logic is circular
Jesus didn't die for sin
Circular logic is circular
Haiku #57776, by Tiny Circles
December 13, 2017 2:13 am ET

If not for Jesus,
there would never be a Grinch,
to steal Christmas!

If you never sin,
then Jesus was crucified
for nothing but gifts.

And I guess for kicks.
Haiku #57775, by Anonymous Poet
December 12, 2017 11:25 pm ET

we wouls miss out though
on mister grinch who i think
should be year around...

if we went back too far
Haiku #57774, by Anonymous Poet
December 12, 2017 10:11 am ET