BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
20 Years
345 Days
and
57544 Haikus
later...
i dont know if i
should be amused or a tad
horrified, i think

its why older folks
drop the weird stuff and pick up
golf in their old age

life isnt dull, its stuff
that the novelty wears off
and one might realize

what we had in the
first place was all the more worth
more than 30 pieces

of silver or 25
dollar chuck e cheese coupons
the pearl of great price
Haiku #57379, by vhs
September 17, 2017 7:31 pm ET

War and Xans do good
Adderall can't compete
You are addicted
Haiku #57378, by Epitome of Guava of Norwegian Stockings
September 17, 2017 3:36 pm ET

I got internet
I look up latex pony
Girls and furry porn

Sorry vhs
But if you get bored with life
PBS is good
Haiku #57377, by Henry David Thoreau of Walden Pond
September 17, 2017 10:20 am ET

Foreskin was removed
By a Jewish man with knife
They didn't keep it
Haiku #57376, by Anonymous Penis
September 17, 2017 10:13 am ET

I was going to be an astronaut
But I figured it'd be too hard
So I thought, fuck it
I'll make documentaries about
Oatmeal and related topics
And sell them to PBS
Who will in turn target
The nursing home demographic
Haiku #57375, by Oatmeal Documentarian of PBS
September 17, 2017 10:05 am ET

What is this life
why am I alive
what is happening
Haiku #57374, by where of flag
September 17, 2017 12:53 am ET

latex dragons and
bored relationships with shiny
outfits...give me walden

over all this shit
Haiku #57373, by Anonymous Poet
September 16, 2017 11:29 pm ET

Global warming climate change ocean acidification Great Barrier Reef death shrinking ice caps extreme storms Kardashians on Trump's White House Cabinet Kim Jong-un's Sponge Bob underpants
Haiku #57372, by the time you read this, an evil overlord demon will come out of of the ground... too late!
September 16, 2017 11:14 pm ET

asexual

a world without sex

just oatmeal documentaries
Haiku #57371, by vhs
September 16, 2017 10:04 pm ET

penis, vagina
and repetitive motion
yep, reproduction
Haiku #57370, by sexual
September 16, 2017 8:02 pm ET

I want some muddafuggin pie!
Now!
Haiku #57369, by the river bank, she showed him the time of his life.
September 16, 2017 6:16 pm ET

Just do it.
Why ask why?
Celebrate the moments of your life.
It keeps going and going and going...
Good to the last drop.
Haiku #57368, by and large, you are not the apple of my eye. Maybe the onion, but not the apple.
September 16, 2017 6:11 pm ET

time marches on
whether we do the to do list
or do not do it
Haiku #57367, by vhs
September 16, 2017 2:47 pm ET

Excuse me, I forgot my shoes.
Haiku #57366, by the way, you are here for me of course; not vice versa, Ursula.
September 16, 2017 2:44 pm ET

Aenesthetization until equilibrium.
Puny pugnacious penile people.
Bide time. Bought time. Bed time.
And all your money won't another.
Stairways collapse.
Familiarity of warm fondled testicles.
Contemptuous attractor. Just an actor.
Nuclear reactor. Word dissociation.
Fissile dictionary.
A few moments of forgotten life.
Distraction much appreciated.
Haiku #57365, by You are here for me, of course; not vice versa.
September 16, 2017 2:40 pm ET

the days off don't last
long enough but time is short
others try to live

their lives through those who
are outside of themselves and
do not live their own
Haiku #57364, by vhs of not an easy lesson for me either
September 16, 2017 2:17 pm ET

i think i just had
a stupid dog moment where
someone threw me a

frisbee and rather
than catching it it hit me
in the head, fell down
Haiku #57363, by vhs
September 16, 2017 11:58 am ET

flag.txt where art thou

my beautiful

my love
Haiku #57362, by what of /poems/
September 16, 2017 11:33 am ET

eh i liked my drink
of martinis once or twice
but gotta get some

health back before i
do that sort of thing again
and sitting not good...
Haiku #57361, by vhs
September 16, 2017 11:17 am ET

words create something
imagination waiting
spark of life around
Haiku #57360, by Disappointed Customer
September 16, 2017 3:58 am ET

Anthropromorphic !
Disagree? Well, sniff the truth!
Drink Gin and Vermouth
Haiku #57359, by Concerned American of Book club
September 16, 2017 2:50 am ET

vanity, vanity
all is vanity, and the old
lesson thus learned

need to read candide for the first time
hobbits, dragons and weird monster girls are not condusive to historical knowledge in...pure form...

i have no idea what im talking about
Haiku #57358, by Anonymous Poet
September 15, 2017 11:59 pm ET

VHS...
Not quite true.
Candide was more of a search for happiness.
The characters traveled the world, had known riches, war, poverty, sorry, feast and famine... but they were never truly happy.
Then at the end they settled down after reuniting and took up some craft or profession and found happiness.
I really think the moral of the story is that happiness comes from finding something you enjoy and are good at and doing it. And don't rely too much on external crap like money, sex, drugs, good clothes, good food, and clandestine relationships with farm animals.
Gump on the other hand... the moral of the story was be true to yourself and be good to others, try to stay positive and don't let life get you down and good things will happen. Even clandestine relationships with farm animals. That was in the directors cut. Nothing like seeing Hanks getting butt reamed by a boar hog.
But Candide is WAY funnier than the directors cut of Gump, even that scene where Sally Fields walks in on Tom Hanks having fun with that jar of old mayonnaise.
Peace!
Haiku #57357, by df
September 15, 2017 8:23 pm ET

i heard someone talk
about Candide some time ago
on here, i think of

him as sort of the
progenitor to the one
known as Forrest Gump
Haiku #57356, by vhs of Voltaire was the case that they gave me
September 15, 2017 7:25 pm ET

Judas selling out
Jesus, but out of silver...
Chuck E. Cheese tickets
Haiku #57355, by Unconcerned Murican
September 15, 2017 4:19 pm ET

Damn those Euro chicks and their string bikinis making me sprain my neck.

Watched a surf girl adjust her top for about 30 minutes and I damn well felt like telling her to just take the damn thing off if it keeps falling down. How the hell is she going to catch a decent wave if she's worried about her tits falling out?
Haiku #57354, by df
September 15, 2017 12:02 pm ET

Give me the launch codes
I'll push the button quickly
Bye North Korea
Haiku #57353, by Unconcerned Murican of Murica
September 15, 2017 9:20 am ET

soon, like huygens did
gone from orbit to obit
good-bye cassini
Haiku #57352, by ash
September 15, 2017 6:32 am ET

trying to summon
some folks talking ears off like
i do in real life

ears need glue
Haiku #57351, by vhs
September 14, 2017 10:37 pm ET

So -- Darth Treehugger?
Surprised but I can dig it
Positivity
Haiku #57350, by dvd
September 14, 2017 9:04 pm ET

ride captain ride on
your pile of junk, we had fun
you got the runs don't

eat strange tacos, just
my friend's from East LAs is
good, but you know should

we tell you in Maine
where to get these superior
tacos, no way San Jose
Haiku #57349, by vhs
September 14, 2017 8:09 pm ET

Cranky my fat ass!
I have better things to do.
There are waves to ride.

The beach needs cleaning.
I fucking hate litter bugs.
So I clean the beach.

I'm only here when
I'm bored out of my fucking
psychopathic mind.

Bye now.
Haiku #57348, by Darth Figpucker
September 14, 2017 8:34 am ET

yup burger burger burger...

i changed jobs as the
dish guy from a hotel up the
street to a local family

restaurant which i
really like, and in summer time
it gets busy especially

at night. so the head
cook kept getting burger orders
and i kept since i

have the bad habit
of doing impersonations.

BURGER BURGER BURGER!!!!

it is almost like the old Saturday
Night live sketch and now Burger Burger Burger has stuck to your Herr VHS

i think it would make a good t-shirt though
Haiku #57347, by vhs
September 13, 2017 7:40 pm ET

ill just get mine at
the goodwill thanks...l rons
invasion earth was a

lot more fun a story
Haiku #57346, by vhs
September 13, 2017 6:41 pm ET

Anyone wanna buy
A complete set of Scientology
Books for $3000?
Haiku #57345, by Gullible American
September 13, 2017 4:32 pm ET

"By the way, I quit"

I would like to make a rebuttal:

Burger! Burger! Burger!

You know you like it
Haiku #57344, by dvd
September 13, 2017 4:29 pm ET

DF is cranky
Must be mad about something
How to cheer him up?
Haiku #57343, by Concerned American
September 13, 2017 8:54 am ET

prayer posted, let me
know how its going with those
things like 'i hate blank'

and hating oatmeal
oatmeal just wants to be loved
raisin and cinnamon
Haiku #57342, by vhs
September 13, 2017 3:12 am ET

fear leads to anger
anger leads to hate, once you
turn down the dark path

you're guaranteed a
career on talk radio
by the way, i quit
Haiku #57341, by vhs
September 13, 2017 2:58 am ET

Climate change can't happen
Climate doesn't change
And I had nothing to do with it
Fuck you for suggesting otherwise
Haiku #57340, by Unconcerned Murican of Murica, with Sean Hannity
September 12, 2017 11:12 pm ET

Hurricanes are unpredictable
You are not
I'm intimidated by you
In the sense that I am intimidated
By a bowl of oatmeal - plain
Lukewarm amalgam mush
Haiku #57339, by Unconcerned Murican of Murica, with guns, etc
September 12, 2017 11:08 pm ET

the more i kinda
read the more crosseyed i get
big print words someday
Haiku #57338, by vhs
September 12, 2017 11:05 pm ET

i remember that
day yesterday all too well
i had never seen
The plot to some out
there political thriller
play out irl

dad was scared. i had
to go to work, life went on
changed, we remember

II

my father terrified
Haiku #57337, by vhs
September 12, 2017 1:43 pm ET

no kidding, so move to
moldova, close to russia
but no hurricanes
Haiku #57336, by vhs
September 12, 2017 9:30 am ET

Hurricanes are mean
Shooting at them makes them mad
They will kick your butt
Haiku #57335, by Concerned American
September 12, 2017 9:12 am ET

i have no idea
of the nihilism here
but quite frankly I

want to say DADA

DADA is ALL and ALL IS DADA
Haiku #57334, by vhs
September 11, 2017 8:47 pm ET

16 years ago today
DF sat down to watch the news
He masturbated for so long
And so vigorously
He developed scabs on his penis
Haiku #57333, by Anonymous Poodle of Ground Zero
September 11, 2017 1:30 pm ET

five turds in a line
then seven turds then five more
you got a haipoop...
Haiku #57332, by vhs
September 10, 2017 9:56 pm ET

engrish prease, most grace
put in pot sideways, flush no
whole cuck in growd poo
Haiku #57331, by vhs of poop scoop
September 10, 2017 9:54 pm ET

why so serious...
why not...just can't think of any
thing at this time
Haiku #57330, by vhs
September 10, 2017 9:52 pm ET