BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
21 Years
12 Days
and
57684 Haikus
later...
flag.txt where art thou

my beautiful

my love
Haiku #57362, by what of /poems/
September 16, 2017 11:33 am ET

eh i liked my drink
of martinis once or twice
but gotta get some

health back before i
do that sort of thing again
and sitting not good...
Haiku #57361, by vhs
September 16, 2017 11:17 am ET

words create something
imagination waiting
spark of life around
Haiku #57360, by Disappointed Customer
September 16, 2017 3:58 am ET

Anthropromorphic !
Disagree? Well, sniff the truth!
Drink Gin and Vermouth
Haiku #57359, by Concerned American of Book club
September 16, 2017 2:50 am ET

vanity, vanity
all is vanity, and the old
lesson thus learned

need to read candide for the first time
hobbits, dragons and weird monster girls are not condusive to historical knowledge in...pure form...

i have no idea what im talking about
Haiku #57358, by Anonymous Poet
September 15, 2017 11:59 pm ET

VHS...
Not quite true.
Candide was more of a search for happiness.
The characters traveled the world, had known riches, war, poverty, sorry, feast and famine... but they were never truly happy.
Then at the end they settled down after reuniting and took up some craft or profession and found happiness.
I really think the moral of the story is that happiness comes from finding something you enjoy and are good at and doing it. And don't rely too much on external crap like money, sex, drugs, good clothes, good food, and clandestine relationships with farm animals.
Gump on the other hand... the moral of the story was be true to yourself and be good to others, try to stay positive and don't let life get you down and good things will happen. Even clandestine relationships with farm animals. That was in the directors cut. Nothing like seeing Hanks getting butt reamed by a boar hog.
But Candide is WAY funnier than the directors cut of Gump, even that scene where Sally Fields walks in on Tom Hanks having fun with that jar of old mayonnaise.
Peace!
Haiku #57357, by df
September 15, 2017 8:23 pm ET

i heard someone talk
about Candide some time ago
on here, i think of

him as sort of the
progenitor to the one
known as Forrest Gump
Haiku #57356, by vhs of Voltaire was the case that they gave me
September 15, 2017 7:25 pm ET

Judas selling out
Jesus, but out of silver...
Chuck E. Cheese tickets
Haiku #57355, by Unconcerned Murican
September 15, 2017 4:19 pm ET

Damn those Euro chicks and their string bikinis making me sprain my neck.

Watched a surf girl adjust her top for about 30 minutes and I damn well felt like telling her to just take the damn thing off if it keeps falling down. How the hell is she going to catch a decent wave if she's worried about her tits falling out?
Haiku #57354, by df
September 15, 2017 12:02 pm ET

Give me the launch codes
I'll push the button quickly
Bye North Korea
Haiku #57353, by Unconcerned Murican of Murica
September 15, 2017 9:20 am ET

soon, like huygens did
gone from orbit to obit
good-bye cassini
Haiku #57352, by ash
September 15, 2017 6:32 am ET

trying to summon
some folks talking ears off like
i do in real life

ears need glue
Haiku #57351, by vhs
September 14, 2017 10:37 pm ET

So -- Darth Treehugger?
Surprised but I can dig it
Positivity
Haiku #57350, by dvd
September 14, 2017 9:04 pm ET

ride captain ride on
your pile of junk, we had fun
you got the runs don't

eat strange tacos, just
my friend's from East LAs is
good, but you know should

we tell you in Maine
where to get these superior
tacos, no way San Jose
Haiku #57349, by vhs
September 14, 2017 8:09 pm ET

Cranky my fat ass!
I have better things to do.
There are waves to ride.

The beach needs cleaning.
I fucking hate litter bugs.
So I clean the beach.

I'm only here when
I'm bored out of my fucking
psychopathic mind.

Bye now.
Haiku #57348, by Darth Figpucker
September 14, 2017 8:34 am ET

yup burger burger burger...

i changed jobs as the
dish guy from a hotel up the
street to a local family

restaurant which i
really like, and in summer time
it gets busy especially

at night. so the head
cook kept getting burger orders
and i kept since i

have the bad habit
of doing impersonations.

BURGER BURGER BURGER!!!!

it is almost like the old Saturday
Night live sketch and now Burger Burger Burger has stuck to your Herr VHS

i think it would make a good t-shirt though
Haiku #57347, by vhs
September 13, 2017 7:40 pm ET

ill just get mine at
the goodwill thanks...l rons
invasion earth was a

lot more fun a story
Haiku #57346, by vhs
September 13, 2017 6:41 pm ET

Anyone wanna buy
A complete set of Scientology
Books for $3000?
Haiku #57345, by Gullible American
September 13, 2017 4:32 pm ET

"By the way, I quit"

I would like to make a rebuttal:

Burger! Burger! Burger!

You know you like it
Haiku #57344, by dvd
September 13, 2017 4:29 pm ET

DF is cranky
Must be mad about something
How to cheer him up?
Haiku #57343, by Concerned American
September 13, 2017 8:54 am ET

prayer posted, let me
know how its going with those
things like 'i hate blank'

and hating oatmeal
oatmeal just wants to be loved
raisin and cinnamon
Haiku #57342, by vhs
September 13, 2017 3:12 am ET

fear leads to anger
anger leads to hate, once you
turn down the dark path

you're guaranteed a
career on talk radio
by the way, i quit
Haiku #57341, by vhs
September 13, 2017 2:58 am ET

Climate change can't happen
Climate doesn't change
And I had nothing to do with it
Fuck you for suggesting otherwise
Haiku #57340, by Unconcerned Murican of Murica, with Sean Hannity
September 12, 2017 11:12 pm ET

Hurricanes are unpredictable
You are not
I'm intimidated by you
In the sense that I am intimidated
By a bowl of oatmeal - plain
Lukewarm amalgam mush
Haiku #57339, by Unconcerned Murican of Murica, with guns, etc
September 12, 2017 11:08 pm ET

the more i kinda
read the more crosseyed i get
big print words someday
Haiku #57338, by vhs
September 12, 2017 11:05 pm ET

i remember that
day yesterday all too well
i had never seen
The plot to some out
there political thriller
play out irl

dad was scared. i had
to go to work, life went on
changed, we remember

II

my father terrified
Haiku #57337, by vhs
September 12, 2017 1:43 pm ET

no kidding, so move to
moldova, close to russia
but no hurricanes
Haiku #57336, by vhs
September 12, 2017 9:30 am ET

Hurricanes are mean
Shooting at them makes them mad
They will kick your butt
Haiku #57335, by Concerned American
September 12, 2017 9:12 am ET

i have no idea
of the nihilism here
but quite frankly I

want to say DADA

DADA is ALL and ALL IS DADA
Haiku #57334, by vhs
September 11, 2017 8:47 pm ET

16 years ago today
DF sat down to watch the news
He masturbated for so long
And so vigorously
He developed scabs on his penis
Haiku #57333, by Anonymous Poodle of Ground Zero
September 11, 2017 1:30 pm ET

five turds in a line
then seven turds then five more
you got a haipoop...
Haiku #57332, by vhs
September 10, 2017 9:56 pm ET

engrish prease, most grace
put in pot sideways, flush no
whole cuck in growd poo
Haiku #57331, by vhs of poop scoop
September 10, 2017 9:54 pm ET

why so serious...
why not...just can't think of any
thing at this time
Haiku #57330, by vhs
September 10, 2017 9:52 pm ET

Hermit crabs invade.
What could they possibly want?
Taking over malls.
Haiku #57329, by df
September 10, 2017 9:08 pm ET

i stink just to break
up the monopoly game
hope i did not poo
Haiku #57328, by df ;-)
September 10, 2017 9:06 pm ET

Having traveled the world a small bit, I find the most interesting differences in cultures can be seen in the bathrooms and how they clean themselves off after defecating.

The West prefers TP which is highly wasteful and takes a bit of energy to process at the refinery plant or tends to shorten the life of septic tanks, not to mention the trees chopped down to produce TP.

In Asia they sometimes squat over a hole in the ground, or a porcelain hole flush with the ground. Sometimes they have bowl they squat over, no seat. Sometimes a bowl with a seat but no tank (flush it w/ a bucket). Sometimes they have a tank that 90% of the time does not work. Made in China.

In poorer countries they often just poor water down their backsides to clean off which can be quite messy and makes for an unpleasant experience if you're wearing long pants into a public restroom.

However some of these toilets have a spay nozzle at the side of the toilet like you might use to spay off dishes at your sink. Those direct the water stream so it doesn't get all over the floor, gets you good and cleaned off, and does not use paper. Consider trying this. Think of the money saved and the benefit to the environment. And you get your asshole nice and clean after taco night, with or without nitrous oxide.

Your welcome.
Haiku #57327, by df
September 10, 2017 9:00 pm ET

i think just to break
up the monotony here
here is a haiku
Haiku #57326, by vhs
September 10, 2017 8:45 pm ET

i might end up with
bringing up Chaos Magick
but subjects always change

there's always alex jones
there's always disinfo.com
there's always the Illuminatus

Trilogy and of course

Hail Eris

It is a masterpiece
Haiku #57325, by vhs of allonzee
September 10, 2017 8:42 pm ET

I believe, good sir,
you mean nitrous, not nitro.
Nitroglycerin

up one's poopy hole
would kill them before the grand
explosion of meat.

Nitrous fueled flatus...
Now that might launch me into
orbit, my good man!

Of course rednecks call nitrous nitro because they likely never took a chemistry class and what they don't use for drag racing they will put into a balloon and huff at a Metallica concert.

Waawaaawaaaaawaaaaaawaaaaa.
If you don't get it, you never will.
My wife always wonders why the whipped cream runs out of gas before the cream gets used. ;-)

I had a friend that made some serious bank selling nitrous balloons at Dead shows. Oh, I love it when the freaks have seizures, often called fishing because they flop around like a fish. It's great!
Haiku #57324, by Darth Figpucker
September 10, 2017 8:40 pm ET

remember that Abbie
Hoffmann said Yippie then blew
his brains out, i don't

know if i regard that
as a tragedy or not, i think I
do but he was an amateur

Whatever i do is a masterpiece
Haiku #57323, by vhs
September 10, 2017 7:08 pm ET

it all ends up being just
a pissing contest between
a psychopath who

can't stand his wife
and a hypocritcal believer
who canT QUIT and

is tired of the contest
yada siss boom bah

a masterpiece
Haiku #57322, by Anonymous Poet
September 10, 2017 6:39 pm ET

maybe i should shove nitro
up your ass, make you eat tex
mex light propane

and see what happens

a masterpiece
Haiku #57321, by taco smell of burritos
September 10, 2017 6:34 pm ET

i think i might do
serious poetry cause
everything i do

is a masterpiece
Haiku #57320, by vhs of up your ass
September 10, 2017 6:32 pm ET

Somehow I picture
The Unibomber riding
a unicycle.

A juggling clown
tossing pipe bombs from his bike
into crowds of geeks.

Naked and painted
in purple and orange grease paint
while high on acid.
Haiku #57319, by df
September 10, 2017 12:05 pm ET

The unibomber's
a big stinky pussy fart.
But then so are you.

I personally think bioweapons are the only hope of doing any real population control.
Kind of like 12 Monkey's and all that shit.
People who use bombs to kill are just masturbating their lives away. Sadly, I'm no biologist. You have nothing to worry about from me. But it's fun to dream.
Haiku #57318, by df
September 10, 2017 11:59 am ET

see all that storming ?
feel the blue planet warming ?
there's rhyme and reason
Haiku #57317, by ash
September 10, 2017 8:03 am ET

Industrialization blah blah blah
Mail bombs yada yada yada
Playing my clarinet
Haiku #57316, by Squidward Kaczynski of Bikini Bottom Penitentiary
September 9, 2017 11:39 pm ET

If the Unabomber and
Darth Figpucker were cellmates
Would they get along very well?
Never-ending circlejerk
Haiku #57315, by Anonymous Paleontologist
September 9, 2017 11:34 pm ET

This is not my world the world to come
Is my world
I'm not of this earth
Haiku #57314, by Anonymous Poet
September 9, 2017 10:17 pm ET

Each squid ward needs his
Spongebob...and each
Satan his Jesus

Vogon... :)
Haiku #57313, by Vhs
September 9, 2017 9:27 pm ET